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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my cat likes being abused by my baby?

79 replies

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 09:22

If she hated it so much why doesn't she run away when he comes to get her (or even after he's yanked out a clump of fur?) instead of just lying on the floor waiting for him to do it again?

Or is it just an excuse for her to shout at me?

OP posts:

DrSeuss · 08/03/2011 09:36

Does she show her tummy when she lie on the floor? if so, that's a submission gesture and means, I give in, don't hurt me. Fortunately, cats and dogs seem to know that babies are different and usually treat them accordingly. But a more interesting question is, why are you apparently OK with your pet being harmed and what are you teaching your child by allowing it? We told DS repeatedly to leave the cat alone and were quite pleased when the cat eventually scratched him.

ddubsgirl · 08/03/2011 09:36

?for who to shout at you?i have a 5 month old kitten,he loves to wind up the dog and they playfight all the time,if he didnt like he wouldnt do it so i guess its the same with your cat and lo.

waitwhat · 08/03/2011 09:42

My cat comes and lies at the feet of my 5 moth old and purrs away while his fur gets ripped out. I'm forever separating them and sweeping up clumps of fur

Vallhala · 08/03/2011 09:47

Thanks, you've saved me a job. I'll post a link to this thread when those with babies and young children apply to adopt a rescued cat or dog in my care. It'll save me typing out my reasons for turning them down.

The more responsible parents won't thank you for causing them to be viewed with reservation though.

LittleJennyRobyn · 08/03/2011 09:48

Just be thakful you have a happy,laid back contented cat.
I have a cat like this, He will be 10 this year.
DD is 8 and has tormented the poor bugger somewhat over the years, he does not so much as flinch and goes looking for DD when she isn't about. They really are best friends.

Not long after we moved here one of the neighbours young DD's (who loves cats) picked him up, tucked him under her arm and carried him round the street for a good 20 mins....he didn't bat an eyelid!!!

If your cat, wasn't happy then you would soon know about it. You will probably find that as your DS gets older, both of them will have a great bond.

LaWeasel · 08/03/2011 09:51

I think it is very strange that you don't remove your child when he does this.

Just because the cat isn't moving away doesn't mean they like it or that they won't one day have enough and lash out.

Original poster

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 09:56

I didn't say I didn't remove ds when he does this to the cat did I?

My ds is never left alone with the cat and vice versa, however now that he can crawl and is learning to climb it is becoming more difficult to keep them separate, especially when the cat will actively seek him out. That is why I was asking the question.

As soon as I am aware of the close proximity of cat and child I am there, holding ds's hands and every time I show him how to stroke her nicely, although at 7months I think I have a way to go before he is able to do this.

Bloody hell, is it judgey-pants Tuesday or something?

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/03/2011 09:57

cat will turn one day.

The only time ds bothered our cat (she jumped on his head when he was asleep so he yanked its tail) he ended up with a scratch running down his cheek. Whenever anyone asked how he did it, he said 'you don't annoy the cat'

Which is true, you don't annoy cats or any other animal. It isn't fair.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2011 09:58

We have a local cat who comes and lies at peoples feet, tummy exposed, clearly inviting a stroke...and if you do this, it promptly lashes out with its claws.

Be careful.

And if your 'baby' is anywhere near old enough to be with a cat unsupervised, he's old enough to be taught not to pull out clumps of fur. One way or another, this scenario is problematic.

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 10:00

Shiny, my toddler loves her kitty and carries him about like a little handbag :) He would run under the stairgates where she can't get him if he were bothered. And valhalla, people who can't get rescue cats/dogs because there might be a child (gasp) in the house buy them instead. Like I did.

twangs judgy pants elastic

GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2011 10:01

Sorry, xpost with the further explanation.

OK, you're trying to do it right but if the cat won't stay away you're maybe going to have to consider physical exclusion - its what most (responsible) dog owners do. Use doors.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 10:02

It's the other way around here. We got a kitten a couple of months ago after our cat died of FIP last year. My youngest is nearly six so I don't have this exact issue but the cat torments the hell out of the kids. She is the most playful kitten and loves to be handled like a baby (I'm not joking, she's never happier than when being swaddled up in a blanket and actually cradled - mental!) but when she has a mad half hour she jumps on the heads of passing innocents.

Just be careful, if the cat ever lashes out one day they can do suprising damage with those claws, especailly if they go for the face.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 08/03/2011 10:02

The cat will get his own back sooner or later, it's just a matter of time.

We have 3 cats and 1 of them in particular is what we call ds's cat. He always used to lay next to ds when he was on his playmat and would put up with his fur being pulled. When he had enough he walked off.

Whenever ds cries, this particular cat always comes to him and rubs himself against him, like he's trying to comfort him.

But then later on in the day ds will get a bit over excited and throw something at the cat. The cat has hit back on occasions - good for him.

DS is told no, but it's all about learning isn't it?

DooinMeCleanin · 08/03/2011 10:03

Grimma my mums cat does that belly thing. She was ferel when we adopted her. and still is a nasty little bugger when she wants to be.

My cat is lovely and very patient with children. He would let them pull his fur out. The wouldn't dare actually do it though. It's not the cat they'd have to fear if they did. It's me.

Even my little nephew knows to treat my cat with respect. If he doesn't I remove the cat and tell him why I have done so.

Vallhala · 08/03/2011 10:04

MissVerinder, it's people like you who cause decent parents to be discriminated against by rescue with blanket policies. You also encourage the ill treatment of overbred cats, often in kitten far too young, often unvaccinated and not fed the right diet, by utter wankers.

But don't let that stop you letting your child carry a cat around like a handbag or from buying a pet from a backyard breeder.

You carry on indulging your child and I'll carry on protecting the welfare of animals.

Moodykat · 08/03/2011 10:06

Think it might be judgey-pants Tuesday Shiny! My DS is 2 and our cat is a relatively new addition but DS thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread! He is occasionally rough with her but I keep an eye on him, and when she's had enough, she runs away!
I tried to keep him away from her all the time at first but she follows him round or walks just in front of him wherever he goes so I figure she likes him!

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 10:07

My next door neighbour used to have a 1/4 bengal. that was one nasty cat. They lost it when it was about 1 because they let it out (?). Their daughter was 3 at the time, and my DD was 1 1/2. After 10 minutes with the bengal, she swiftly learnt to be nice to kitty. Also, I didn't know it was a bengal at the time, otherwise I wouldn't have let her play with it, even though she was supervised by neighbours mum. It was sooooo cute and such a beautiful cat, but man, it was violent! I'm sure they had no idea what breed it was, and what it meant.

LittleJennyRobyn · 08/03/2011 10:11

Sorry, just read that back and i made it sound like i just let my DD get on with it, but this is seriously not the case

I'm talking about when DD was much younger, (under the age of 3)
She did soon learn that it wasn't acceptable to be so rough with him, (even though he didn't care) but as we have other cats that would never tolerate being grabbed and picked up unexpectedly, they would have lashed out at her.

So we would put a stop to her being so rough with him as soon as she made a grab.

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 10:12

Oh Valhalla, get off it. My first cat is a rescue cat, which I rescued myself, at great cost to me, as it needed a lot of treatment (ear mites, vax, flea aneamia, antibiotics for UTI), and yeah, my kitten was fed the wrong food, shits for England and the house I bought her from, well if there was a child living there, I would have called the social, but now he's happy, healthy and cared for.

And, FYI, I am a decent parent, and unless you have evidence to the contrary, I'd like you to keep your aspersions to yourself so please go and feed your cats and stop judging me because I let my child play with her kitten.

theresapotatoundermysink · 08/03/2011 10:12

Sorry why are people being so judgy to the OP? I have a similar aged DD and two cats. One cat occasionally comes up to DD but generally stays well away. The other plays alongside her, is interested in all her toys and will come up to her to say hello.

When you have a baby that's on the move and a cat living in the same house they WILL interact with one another. And a child of that age doesn't know how to be gentle and WILL grab at the cat. Yes you can intervene when necessary and begin to teach your DC 'No' and 'Gentle, but personally I like to let my child explore without always pulling her away.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/03/2011 10:14

The cat shouldn't have to run away. They should feel safe in their own home...

LaWeasel · 08/03/2011 10:16

DD and our cat do the checking each other is okay thing. Which is very sweet.

She still gets told off if she so much as yells at him.

Fair enough if you take him away OP. I can't imagine DD getting that far before I spotted what she was doing, but our cat would leave before then so is hard to compare.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2011 10:17

Sorry why are people being so judgy to the OP

maybe the word 'abused' in the title didn't help?

theresapotatoundermysink · 08/03/2011 10:19

Yes but if a cat is approaching the child then surely they want to be around the child, even if they do grab occasionally. Unless the cats a masochist? OP, I think you should get your cat to a psychiatrist pronto so you can find out what's really going on.

Moodykat · 08/03/2011 10:20

So would people prefer for the cat to be shut away then? Surely some interaction between a toddler and any animal in the house is inevitable? Or perhaps the key is to shut the toddler in a room so the cat can have the full run of the house without having their safety compromised?

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