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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my cat likes being abused by my baby?

79 replies

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 09:22

If she hated it so much why doesn't she run away when he comes to get her (or even after he's yanked out a clump of fur?) instead of just lying on the floor waiting for him to do it again?

Or is it just an excuse for her to shout at me?

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 08/03/2011 10:20

Major judgy pants in evidence today! I have 3 cats and a 10 month old baby, and the youngest cat in particular (who was only a 3 month old kitten when baby arrived) absolutely adores her. He'll deliberately come in to whichever room she is in and lie on the floor beside her. She's learning how to stroke and handle him but sometimes a stroke will end up in her grabbing because she doesn't have the control yet.

The cat however does not give a monkeys! He seems to know that she's a baby (plus he's a big maine coon and soft as they come anyway!)and whilst they are never unsupervised, they might be a few feet away from me so she can grab before I get there. Thee layout of my house means that I couldn't shut the cats out (no door) so they have to learn how to interact with each other, which they all are.

And my DD isn't crawling yet - the cat seeks her out!

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 10:23

Moodykat Absolutely Grin

Vallhala · 08/03/2011 10:23

MissVerinder, I speak from the experience of being a rescuer. You'll find that most Cats Protection branches will also not rehome to young families for the reasons I've given. Publicly they state it calmly and leave it at that but trust me, privately amongst fellow rescuers they're a hell of a lot more vehement and disparaging, basing their own opinions on a wealth of experience too.

Personally I don't currently have a blanket policy but I'm now reconsidering my stance on the matter.

And you might like me to keep my aspersions to myself but we don't always get what we want.

Btw, a quarter Bengal affects a cat's personality in just the same way that the domestic cats here, my own and rescue, have differing personalities, tolerance and aggression levels.

FW.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 10:25

To be fair I would think if the cat really did hate it she'd simply steer clear. I brought my firstborn back home to my mum's who had a cat (actually the cat is now 19 and still going) it was pretty much inevitable that a growing baby is going to be very interested in an animal and make attempts to grab at it etc...you've just got to be on the ball to ensure neither hurt each other.

Mum's cat wasn't at all receptive to said baby/toddler and to this day can't be doing with kids. He just walks away.

Original poster
ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 10:27

MissVerinder incidentally, she is a bengal cat (and a rescue cat - she was used for breeding but was considered "no good" by her owners because her litters kept dying. They kept her in a cage her entire life.) Hence the "shouting at me" comment - she's bloody loud! The dynamics of my house means that she can't be kept in another room for long, unless it's the kitchen but that's not fair on her and ds will never learn to treat her well if he never interacts with her.

When ds was born she kept her distance, but I noticed that if he cried and I didn't respond immediately she would be found sitting outside the cot - waiting for me or looking after him maybe but she still does this when he wakes up in the morning so I think she does make allowances for him and understands he's a baby but of course I am never going to risk either the cat or ds's well being by leaving them to "play" on their own.

Oh and I'm sorry about the "abused" in the title - I was considering using "AIBU to think my cat is a masochist" but I don't want to attach any labels to my cat at this point without a professional opinion........

OP posts:
theresapotatoundermysink · 08/03/2011 10:27

Grimma, when the OP says Abused by a baby you get the idea that she isn't talking about actually abuse. We are not talking about a neglected cat, being deliberately hurt by its owners. We are talking about a family pet occasionally being grabbed by a baby.

theresapotatoundermysink · 08/03/2011 10:28

*actual

Original poster
ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 10:30

Plus "AIBU to think that my cat likes having it's tail pulled, it's ears chewed and belly poked by a faster than the speed of light 7 month old baby who thinks said cat is better than all of his toys put together and makes him laugh like a loon when she walks past" is a bit long for a title.

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2011 10:30

you've just got to be on the ball to ensure neither hurt each other.

yes. And if you know you may not be (e.g. if you're cooking dinner) then consider temporarily shutting the cat in a different room.

worraliberty · 08/03/2011 10:31

Let's just hope one day the cat's not found sitting inside the cot...

GlitterHo · 08/03/2011 10:32

looks like your cats a sado masochist lol

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 10:33

Yeah good point about the cot. I put a little eye and hook on the bedroom door as cats are known to enjoy sleeping in warm, comfy places. It's been known for tiny babies to be unintentionally smothered by a cat looking for somewhere warm to sleep.

manicbmc · 08/03/2011 10:35

I want a kitty!

There are no suitable rescue cats in my area (there was only 4!) . My ds is autistic but in residential care - he comes home for his tea at weekends and for that reason I need a calm cat.

I'd rather wait for the right cat for us.

winnybella · 08/03/2011 10:35

Hmm.

Obviously pulling out clumps fo fur is not on,never.

But. I have two cats, 12 and 13 yo, and while the younger is a bit psychotic and both him and DD(2) steer clear of each other, the older one loves DD. Now I've never allowed her to be nasty to him, but she occasionally will lay on him and cuddle him while petting him. He'll just purr, rub against her and come back for more. But then he's huge and perhaps it just doesn't bother him?

But pulling tail, fur etc is wrong and I'm Shock that anyone would ever allow their child to to this.

winnybella · 08/03/2011 10:36

I thought it was an urban legend re: babies being smothered by cats in their cots?

coccyx · 08/03/2011 10:38

Irresponsible cat owner.
Wait for it...Help need to rehome my cat..It's turned on my toddler!!!!! What a surprise

manicbmc · 08/03/2011 10:39

It is. My ex mil tried to use that one to force me to rehome my two cats when I was pregnant. Both cats gave my twins a very wide berth.

Sadly, my lovely cats have been dead a while now.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 10:39

Even if it is an urban legend if you think about it there is sense in it. It's entirely possible so just make sure a cat can get nowhere near the cot of a baby small enough to be smothered.

Original poster
ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 10:40

But that is the point of my thread..I don't allow him to do it but my cat doesn't prevent the problem by running away and I was asking why. She will run away from the hoover because it's noisy and scares her but not the baby despite it also being noisy and scary.

And she has been taught not to get in the cot ever. We put it up 6 months before ds was born so she could get used to it and get used to not being allowed in it - every time she would go in it I would say "No" and remove her from the cot. It worked and I'm sure in time the same method will work with ds and the tail pulling.

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 08/03/2011 10:43

I think the smothering thing is an urban legend but we avoided the risk - when she was in our room she slept in a hammock with the cats avoided like the plague, and now she's in her cot in her own room the door is closed and they don't get in when she's alone. My cats are very big and very hairy so could be leaning on a small baby and hardly notice.

I do however have many photos from when she was tiny of me or DH lying on the sofa with baby on one side of chest, and kitten on the other.

Funnily enough, my FIL freaked out about how the cats might claw her etc and we should get rid (he's barely ever met them) yet he was happy to let his kids grow up with a huge golden retriever. I know which could do more damage!

GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2011 10:44

Two possible explanations.

One is that its not actually hurting the cat very much - but as your baby grows stronger that could change. Hopefully you'll have trained both of them before that happens. Smile

The other is that the cat is willing to put up with some discomfort in return for the attention.

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 10:46

Shiny I'm glad you've got a good one. Like valhalla says they're all different.

valhalla you're quite judgemental aren't you? Still, I'm sure the cats don't mind.

manicbmc · 08/03/2011 10:48

I still want a kitty! Grin

GrimmaTheNome · 08/03/2011 10:49

One of Val's animals is a high horse, but she has unfortunately good reason, based on experience, to ride it from time to time.

theresapotatoundermysink · 08/03/2011 10:49

The OP is clearly stating that if her child does start to hurt the cat she takes him away. Same with my DD. She'll be patting him, looking at him, no harm so I leave them to it. Then suddenly she'll start to grab so thats when I step in and take her away. The only way I could ensure DD never grabbed the cat is if I always kept the two seperated, which I do not want to do as the cat is part of our family.
Some people need to get a grip, they are so quick to shout abuse!