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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my cat likes being abused by my baby?

79 replies

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 09:22

If she hated it so much why doesn't she run away when he comes to get her (or even after he's yanked out a clump of fur?) instead of just lying on the floor waiting for him to do it again?

Or is it just an excuse for her to shout at me?

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 08/03/2011 10:49

Scotsgirl I had a JRT (who MIL adored) and two cats (who MIL despised) when I got pregnant with dd2. Obviously I needed to rehome the cats. They are so unpredictable you just don't know what they will do. And all that hair. And they will suffocate the baby.

The JRT could stay, though Hmm.

Op like ACT said the cat shouldn't have to runaway to be safe from pain it's own home. My cat lets me, the dc, the vet etc do whatever we like, it doesn't mean he likes it. Or perhaps I should start letting the dc stick thermometers up his arse? He clearly enjoys it, he never runs from the vet Hmm

LittleJennyRobyn · 08/03/2011 10:51

Scotsgirl
when she was in our room she slept in a hammock with the cats avoided like the plague,

Am assuming you meant, which the cats avoided like the plague.

And that your DD did not sleep in the hammock with the cats!! Grin

bumpybecky · 08/03/2011 10:54

we've got a masochistic cat too! she loves being 'fussed' by children, even very small babies. Fuss might mean being stroked the wrong way, having lumps of fur grabbed and yanked or having her tail sucked (yuck!). There are sometimes piles of fur that have come out, but she's not keen on being brushed so I think this is normal moulting rather than damage.

It's all very well saying you should separate the child and cat, but I gave up when the cat kept coming back for more. She loves it - purrs and moves closer for fuss :)

She's 15 and has gone through 4 dc being babies here and has never scratched or bitten them. When she's had enough she moves out of reach (windowsill normally), but is normally back in 10 minutes Grin

scotsgirl23 · 08/03/2011 10:54

Lol! yup, 3 maine coons and a baby in a hammock would have been interesting!

As long as we positioned it so they couldn't step in from a raised solid surface they steered clear. We assembled it quite a bit before she arrived and they soon discovered that if they tried to hop in it would just swing all over the place. They didn't like that!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 08/03/2011 10:59

I share Vall's reservations, but I don't get the impression that the op is cruel or neglectful in anyway.

Anyway, cats are perverse, by definition. Hence my old one who enjoyed being "beaten" when she was feeling a little wild - she'd lie on the floor so dp could thwack her - obviously not remotely hard - she'd bite him if he stopped, bugger off if she got bored. She was an enormous softy in all other ways. And another cat I know who demanded her owner push her around the patio with her yard brush - she'd bite her owner's ankles when she was sweeping unless she did this. They are all completely nuts.

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 10:59

grimma Appreciated, but there's no need to be trampling people though, is there?

decent parent Seriously. I don't appreciate small minded uninformed snidey criticism from people who don't know anything about me or my parenting skills. Regardless of her experiences, she has no right to be so judgemental just because she allows her own negative experiences of young families with pets to put a blanket judgement on us all, no matter how lang they have been reinforced for. As valhalla rightly pointed out herself, cats are all different. So are people.

Original poster
ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 08/03/2011 11:04

You see, from experience with my cat if she doesn't like something there is no way she will let you do it. We had give her eye drops once and dh and I still have nightmares about it! 3 years on and she won't let us put anything near her eyes. So I know that if she doesn't like something she will not put up with it.

Maybe she is just using him for his toys? They are both currently chasing a snappy crocodile on wheels around the living room floor. I may have to put that Benny Hill music on while they do it.

OP posts:
Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 11:04

The whole rescue thing, yeah I totally understand why you should always try and rehome where ever possible. My cat was from an ad in a petshop. After ours died last year we decided the time was right to get another. We did try the local rescue centre but to be perfectly honest the few they had looked mangy.

It was a family whose year old cat had had a litter. If people hadn't taken those kittens where would they have ended up? in a shelter (where it would suddenly have become acceptable to adopt her) or stayed with this family who evidently didn't see any particular rush to have their female cat spayed - so why would they bother to have these done? it would have just resulted in even more kittens.

It surprised me a bit to be honest, the queen was tiny, I wouldn't have even put her at a year old (her kitten that we got is almost as big as her at four months old) yet she had a fairly big litter and they were quite large as kitten go. I think mine will be huge judging by her size now and the length of her tail!

Two months till I can spay mine and I really, really hope she doesn't go into heat before then (as my old cat did) I find a queen on heat to be one of the single most annoying things ever!

MissVerinder · 08/03/2011 11:06

BOB- good point about the unsold kittens going to rescue.

LittleJennyRobyn · 08/03/2011 11:11

Re: cats in cots, not necesscarrily an urban legend,

When DS was born 12 years ago i had a cat and a litter of kittens.

1 kitten in particular would activly seek out DS and in most early photo's i have of DS, The kitten is in each and every one, less than a foot away, No matter where he was.

The kitten, (female) used to try to jump into his moses basket during the day (as was downstairs) when DS was sleeping...she just wanted to be with him.

So quite possible for her to smother him, if he was left unattended, Which he never was.

If it was an urban legend, then surely most people wouldn't take precautions against this happening.

Tolalola · 08/03/2011 11:13

I'm 39 and still have scars all down my right leg where a cat attacked me when I was 4.

I never even saw the cat that did it - I was just walking past a hedge and it leapt out at me. Apparently it had never attacked anyone before, but had been tormented by children when it was young.

When my parents took me to the hospital, the doctor just held up his hands and said it would take hundreds and hundreds of stitches to de-shred my leg, and that it was probably better just to leave it.

I have a cat and a toddler now, and DS has extremely strict cat contact rules.

Moodykat · 08/03/2011 11:17

My cat was a rescue of sorts. I live on a farm and she was living in a barn for 6 months or so before she started coming in for food! She used the litter tray straight away though so I took her to the vets who looked for a microchip and as she didn't have one, I had her speyed and innoculated and she's a lovely house cat! Think she must have been dumped or something.

Bottleofbeer · 08/03/2011 11:21

LittleJennyRobin - that's exactly my point, urban myth or not, it's definitely not beyond the realms of possibility for a cat to be attracted to the warmth of a sleeping baby in it's cot. Cats can be quite big, babies very tiny...

Morloth · 08/03/2011 11:25

DS1 only bothered the cat once. She took care of the lesson herself. He was a fast learner.

She is in quarantine right now and DS2 hasn't been around her since he started crawling. He will presumably get the same lesson in a couple of months.

MrsH75 · 08/03/2011 11:42

S&M cats - I love it.

Vallhala · 08/03/2011 12:05

"valhalla you're quite judgemental aren't you?"

Yes. :o

With bloody good reason, as has been pointed out by another poster.

WRT where would cats go etc, as posted by BottleofBeer - if there were no demand for backyard bred pets there would be barely any supply, which is hugely in the interests of animal welfare.

If a backyard breeder's cats or dogs are to end up in decent rescue instead of any old person's home this is a good thing too. The cats or dogs concerned would be assessed, vet checked, neutered and vaccinated and go to assessed homes by way of a homecheck. Far better that than some wanker having six kittens/pups by an under year old queen/bitch, who he breeds at every season and whose offspring go to the first taker who comes along with the right number of fivers in his hand and where there is no guarantee that the six kits/pups will be vaccinated, wormed, vet checked or that the home will be kind or suitable.

Or that the new home will neuter/spay and so the offspring themselves are pregnant at under a year old and thus the cycle continues. This is one of, if not THE major reason why rescue is so full and why animals are killed in their thousands each week... lack of decent homes caused by overbreeding in a backyard environment which is itself caused by people encouraging it by buying from such tossers.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 08/03/2011 12:09

Cat mothers are quite firm with their kittens, aren't they? Pinning them down to wash them, thwacking them when they're naughty. I wonder if that's why adult cats are such masochists.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 08/03/2011 12:12

Bugger. Meant also to add that Vall's explanation says it all. It's really sad. I wouldn't get a kitten from anywhere other than a rescue place.

MrsH75 · 08/03/2011 12:17

I agree with many of Valhalla's points but find him/her so judgemental and deliberately beligerent towards people expressing often quite sensible views that I don't particularly want to engage further on this thread now they have shown up.

Vallhala · 08/03/2011 12:24

I'm a 'her', MrsH, which you might have noticed if you had read some of the many Pets section topics to which I have contributed over the years, both as an owner and as a rescuer.

Allowing a cat to be pulled around isn't a sensible view.

My explanation of how backyard breeders and those who fund them contributes enormously to the problems which rescue faces, to low standards of animal welfare and to the huge number of healthy animals which are killed each year for want of homes is a very sensible view and is held by 99.9% of the rest of the rescue community too.

Moodykat · 08/03/2011 12:32

Yes Vallhala, it is a very sensible and valid view.

Although I was guilty of having an accidental litter from two of my dogs once. Luckily they were sold very quickly to lovely people who still keep in touch and send photos and emails. I was very careful about who I let them go to and made sure they were microchipped and jabbed before they went.

I'm fairly sure that neither me, nor OP, meant that we "allowed" our cats to be pulled around, just that sometimes it happened and that the cats really don't seem to mind!

coccyx · 08/03/2011 12:40

How can a cat not mind having a chunk of hair pulled out???

LaWeasel · 08/03/2011 12:57

I wonder if the cats that don't mind moult a lot and it is not hair being pulled out but the loose hairs being dragged out iyswim?

scotsgirl23 · 08/03/2011 14:00

Can I just be clear, I don't let my baby pull the cat around, and if she is rough she gets stopped straight away BUT I don't believe in keeping them separated as they enjoy each others company and she is already learning from a very young age how to handle animals. I really see the difference between her and our friends small children who go crazy and try to chase the cats around the house, yank their ears etc. And, they really do come looking for her - the boy in particular chooses to go and lie beside her where she is playing.

My cats have plenty of places they can escape to though(including two enormous scratchposts)

LaWeasel, I very much suspect he can't really feel it much on the occasions she does grab - our youngest (the boy) already weighs 17lbs and is like a giant furry teddy bear with a huge coat. He probably doens't notice!

TurkeyBurgerThing · 08/03/2011 14:33

cats that are tormented by children grow up to be paedophiles! NEVER have a cat/child combination.

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