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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think men wanting to photograph DS aged 1 are weirdos?

96 replies

BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 06:15

At a nice shop on Sat... total stranger declares to his entourage "What a sweet boy!" in my DS's direction. Flattered, I smiled back and said thanks. Then he asked "Would you mind if I took a picture of him outside?"....
"Sorry, no..." I said.

Think the guy was an American. Middle aged, well groomed.

Has happened once before. Anyone else had this happen & did it make you feel uncomfortable?

Think that next time (if there is a next time) I'm going to ask why they want to take a photo. To make a point.

OP posts:

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 06:19

I'd wonder why anyone would ask a stranger if they could take a photo of their child in this day and age, regardless of gender.

It is something that it would generally be known would be viewed as a bit odd, what with peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedo fevah

when you say entouage, do you mean friends, or was he some sort of famous person with hangers on?

Original poster

BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 07:19

I agree Hecate. Why would you ask? Surely you would need to live under a rock not to realise this kind of request won't be well received?

He was with friends - though I did wonder whether I was missing something in not recognising him. But I do realise that not everyone with an American accent who looks well groomed is famous.

OP posts:

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 07:31

I think I would ask why.

It would be interesting to know.

I mean, unless your child is out of this world, brings the angels down from Heaven, hypnotising gorgeous, then I don't see why a stranger feels the need to ask you to take your child outside of the shop you were in so that they can take a photograph. - well, they don't need a photo at all, but why the specific "outside" bit? does his camera not have a flash?

I mean, what for?

"Did you have a nice trip?"
"Oh yes, it was great. I took loads of pics"

"Oooh, let me see"
"Well, this is big ben, this is the london eye, this is tower bridge and this is a photograph of a really beautiful child."
[boggle]

Bluegrass · 08/03/2011 07:35

The light was probably better outside. Many photographers focus on people with interesting/attractive/unusual faces. They ask for model releases so the photos can be used in editorials, advertising, their own portfolios. He asked permission, I don't see the issue?

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 07:38

Would it not have been simpler for him to say "I am a photographer" or "I think your child is interesting, could I have permission to take their pic, I would be using it in an editorial / my portfolio"

Would that not have made more sense, rather than "can I take your child's photo?" with no explanation at all?

You explain why first of all, if you have a brain!

Gottakeepchanging · 08/03/2011 07:39

My children were blonde. We lived in Asia. Dozens of people asked to have their photo taken with my children. A day at Singapore zoo was like a photo shoot!

QOD · 08/03/2011 07:44

Yeah, a Japanese man on a train into NYC asked if he could take DD's photo - she was 3, dressed in short pink frilly skirt & top etc, totally freaked me out. In hindsight, I was being daft, if he was a paedophile he wouldn't have asked, he would have taken a photo........
I think it's just cos our kids are dressed so different to the locals sometimes, and the white features can be so quaint to others. I have seen Egyptian children I could just eat - in one bite - cos they are so damn cute!

NotQuiteCockney · 08/03/2011 07:46

The boys' school is in a touristy area, tourists take their pictures all the time, without asking. They are generally foreign - I do think the nervousness about pictures is largely a UK thing.

belgo · 08/03/2011 07:47

I don't think it;s odd. When I was in Asia I asked to take some photos of some children. You can buy postcards of Big Ben or whatever, but photos of local people are far more interesting.

M dh has had his photo taken whilst carrying dd1 in a sling, by a group of Japanese tourists.

Original poster

BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 07:50

Hecate - he's my kid, of course he's hypnotisingly gorgeous!

I think any professional photographer hoping for shot should explain their reasons for wanting a photo too. Answer still no!

OP posts:

GregorSamsa · 08/03/2011 07:53

We lived in the middle East for a bit when ds was between 1 and 2. He was blond, blue-eyed, easy-going, face like an angel. Random people used to stop us in the street, want to hold him, touch him, kiss him and ideally have their photo taken with him. There was nothing sinister about it - in many countries people are a bit like that with all kids, and being blond and blue-eyed just ramps it up by a factor of about 10,000.

And it wasn't just old ladies - we were visiting a classical site once and encountered a large group of students, who all wanted to hold him. It took us about 20 mins to get away, by the time everybody had finished taking photos of each other with him. They even wanted our address in the UK, but I did draw the line at that. It was a bit rotten for his older sister though, who was less blond and less cute and stood there watching this entire performance going .

I think it's nice, in general, that people like kids and can be natural around them, rather than the immediate assumption that showing an interest in someone else's child makes you a weirdo. Occasionally kids need to be protected from it if it gets overwhelming, but on the whole it's benign.

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 07:55

of course he is.

so are mine

And yes. I agree. A photographer should tell you they are a photographer.

Re tourists. I can understand someone wanting a photo of big ben. I can understand someone wanting a photo of the leaning tower of pisa. I can understand someone wanting a photo of the great wall of china.

I cannot understand someone wanting a photo of some random person in the street.

I am not suggesting they have sinister motives. I just cannot for the life of me understand why you'd give a crap. Oh look, it's a child / man with a baby / woman with a dog. big So What.

What are you going to do with all those photos anyway? Here's my album full of random people I don't know from Adam?

Bluegrass · 08/03/2011 07:56

People photography is becoming really difficult in this country, particulary street/candid photography which some people seem to think is inherently evil. It's a shame as it has such a rich history.

We can chuckle at the apocryphal tribe thinking cameras steal their soul, but in the UK people are becoming more and more suspicious (superstitious?) about photographers too.

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 07:58

oh, and the whole idea of wanting to take pics of someone because they are a different ethnicity from you makes me piss myself!

Hello, may I take a picture of your little black baby, he's soooooo cute, with his curly little hair, ooh, and look at his dark little fingers. He looks so different from what I'm used to...

If someone said that to me (or came across like that) I'd think they were a freak.

Bluegrass · 08/03/2011 07:58

And in answer to your question Hec, faces are fascinating. Just look at the fuss around the Mona Lisa, and that is just a painting!

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 07:59

I don't think faces are fascinating. That's probably why I don't get it.

Faces are dull.

To me.

In fact, I don't like them at all. Especially eyes. Freak me out.

Bucharest · 08/03/2011 07:59

A group of Spanish people just arrived at Stansted asked me if they could take a pic of dd who was sitting forlornly and crossly on her suitcase waiting for my Mum to pick us up.

My first thought was not that they were raving paedos.

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 08:00

Gregor that happened to us in Hong Kong! DD was a baby andsh has a head full of dark blonde ringlets...enormous eyes and we gt mobbed by a load of middle aged Japanese tourists! They loved her...twas weird!

The middle aged American would have had me worried too....but I remember when I was about 6 in North Wales and I was feeding some sheep in some rtourist spot...they all surrounded me bleating and jumping up and I ws laughing and some man was taking photos with his smart camera.

I remember my parents were flattered...they thought h must be a professional...this was the 7os though.

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 08/03/2011 08:00

I'm not a professional photographer, just a keen amateur. Sometimes I'll see a child who has a great expression or catches my eye in some other way and I will always ask the parent's permission to take the picture (or take the picture, then check with the parent that it's OK) and give them my contact details in case they want a copy. None of them has ever just point blank refused, though I suppose being female helps Just ask next time, you might get a nice piccie of your DS out of it.

Bluegrass · 08/03/2011 08:03

I think there lies the answer! I love good portrait photography, do it well and it can reveal so much (perhaps why some people don't like it, they don't like to be revealed). The eyes are the window of the soul and all that.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 08/03/2011 08:05

We were in Washington in December of last year looking at the Lincoln Memorial. My blonde, blue-eyed, 3 year old DD was dressed in red velvet trousers, a pink tutu, a big white coat, a hat with rabbit ears and shocking pink sunglasses (her call, not mine!). We were stopped by a huge group of Japanese tourists who wanted their picture taken with her. I had no issue with that whatsoever. She looked cute and bonkers.

However, we were in NY a few days later and she was wandering around a toy shop. I spotted a guy take a picture of her and went up to him to ask him why. He scarpered from the shop before I could do so.

If people ask, I don't mind (but obv reserve the right to say no). It's the subversive approach of some that concerns me.

Ephiny · 08/03/2011 08:08

I sometimes get tourists taking a photo of my dog, or sometimes bizarrely asking me to take a photo of them with my dog , I have no idea why...

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 08:08

Oooh Marie I'd HATE that!

Longtalljosie · 08/03/2011 08:09

We were in Westfield once, and sat down for a break among a bunch of Asian tourists. DD has red hair and was about six months old - you'd imagine Shirley Temple had appeared. All of them wanted a photo with her, and to say hello to her, it was taking fecking ages and we had to get on. Finally a young woman said "me photo too?" and I said no, we really had to carry on shopping. But she looked like she was going to burst into tears so I relented

ilovemydogandMrObama · 08/03/2011 08:17

I've had this happen. About a year ago, we were at the local police station (to produce documents ) and a large group of Middle eastern men arrived in a bus. They saw DS (blonde, blue eyes) and immediately started taking his photo with their phones. They were all smiling and one handed me a leaflet of where they were performing as Bedouin musicians. Think they hadn't seen many blonde, blue eyed boys before....

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