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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think men wanting to photograph DS aged 1 are weirdos?

96 replies

BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 06:15

At a nice shop on Sat... total stranger declares to his entourage "What a sweet boy!" in my DS's direction. Flattered, I smiled back and said thanks. Then he asked "Would you mind if I took a picture of him outside?"....
"Sorry, no..." I said.

Think the guy was an American. Middle aged, well groomed.

Has happened once before. Anyone else had this happen & did it make you feel uncomfortable?

Think that next time (if there is a next time) I'm going to ask why they want to take a photo. To make a point.

OP posts:
activate · 08/03/2011 08:22

people can take photographs of whoever they like on the street as its a public space

you don't own your own image - in fact the photographer will

curlymama · 08/03/2011 08:24

I've asked a stranger if I could take a picture of their child before. I was on a mini break with dh, minus our own dc, and in an aquarium. There was a little boy, about a year old, sitting in front of a massive tank gazing at the fish. The place was almost empty and the parents were talking to their older dc while they let their lo watch the fish, and I happened to think that this tiny child sitting infront of a massive fishtank with coulourful fish everywhere would make a gorgeous picture. It would have been from the back, so the childs face didn't come out in the pic. I asked if I could take a picture (well, I gestured, they didn't speak English) and the Mum seemed quite flattered that I wanted to. It really is a cute picture, and somehow it turned out well even though I was taking a picture of glass.

I don't see the difference if it had been a man that had seen the artistic side of a scene like that.

Chandon · 08/03/2011 08:26

paedo mania is an English thing.

Americans would not have this paedo fear at all times....

GregorSamsa · 08/03/2011 08:29

Hec, I think if people come from a place where there isn't much ethnic diversity they probably are more likely to be fascinated by babies and kids that look very different from their own ethnic group. I don't think that's racist or excessively naive, it just depends on what you're used to.

Original poster
BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 08:40

Yeah - I'm not English though I have lived in the UK a while.

Totally agree not every man with a camera is a paedophile. But there are many perverts out there and frankly they may have ruined it for the genuine photographers out to snap an 'interesting' face.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 08/03/2011 08:44

Oh, no, Americans do have paedo fear, absolutely. It's, if anything, worse than here. (Ok, I'm guessing from my Canadian family talking about child abduction, and the number of Canadians who've told me off for letting my child talk to strangers.) I'm just not sure it focuses so much on cameras.

mumoverseas · 08/03/2011 08:45

I get this all the time living in the Middle East. DD2 is blonde and curly (4 years old) and DS2 aged 2 has a shock of very blonde hair.

Only last week two young(ish) locals asked to take his photo when we were on holiday in Dubai.
I have no problem with it. People often ask to kiss them too (usually local women) The DC love all the fuss and attention

aurynne · 08/03/2011 08:59

To the horror of some of you, I have actually asked to hold a tiny super-cute black baby girl and had a photo taken with her. Where I came from you very rarely see black people and I was fascinated. Her parents were glowing with pride!

When my partner and I were in Chile we stayed at a family house for breakfast. The lodger brought with her this absolutely gorgeous 2-year-old girl, with dark hair, dark skin, jet-black eyes. I asked to hold her and for permission for my DP to take a photo of us both. The lodger, who was her grandmother, beamed. That photo is proudly showing in our photo album, and it brings many more admiring comments than the photos of the Atacama desert.

What the hell is wrong with photographing children? Man, some people really do see a paedophile behind every corner.

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 09:09

aurynne....I toured Italy as part of a theatre show and my friend had long, shiny strawberry blonde hair...she had her pic taken in every town and village we went to....people would touch her hair! It's a good job she's the type to enjoy attention!

When we were taken to dinner at the home of some town official, all of us (the brits) had our pics taken with a neighbours child...he had bright green eyes, blonde hair and olive skin which is a combination often seen in Southern Italy....his Mum said tourists always admired him...

Theonlyexception · 08/03/2011 09:10

When I was on holiday in the Dominican Republic last year people were obsessed with my ds who was one at the time. A group of local girls at a marine park came up to us and asked if they could take a picture of the 'blonde baby' we thought it a little strange but we let them,it was just because blonde blue eyed babies are interesting to them!

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 09:13

Who on earth on this thread has said that they fear the photos are for paedophiles?

Who?

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 09:15

Bt hec it's a known fact that Paedophiles DO take pics of kids. I'm not particularly nervous myself but I understand some people have huge fear re. this.

HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 09:19

I know that happens, SJK. I was asking aurynne, who said "What the hell is wrong with photographing children? Man, some people really do see a paedophile behind every corner." who had said that they thought the person asking to photograph the OPs child had said that they thought the reason for that was that the person was a paedophile, because unless I missed a post, nobody said that.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 09:21

Everywhere we ent in Egypt people took photos of dd but I didn't find anything sleazy about it. Also a lot of shopkeepers and people we just passed in the street would touch her head - for good luck I think. Just a dc that caught their eye in some way but harmless I thought.

She has been photographed by Japanese tourists quite a bit (when she was smaller) or when we have been talking to a family (say in a hotel) or on a daytrip out on holiday, that family has often taken a photo of her with them. I think it is just a friendly thing but that man in the toyshop taking a photo of a little girl and then runnin off is creepy. I never had anyhting quite like that.

pawsnclaws · 08/03/2011 09:26

I don't see the issue at all, but it's your call.

I went with ds2 on a school trip to the Natural History Museum - they have quite a posh very traditional looking school uniform, all blazers and ties even at 5/6. The group were quite literally mobbed by a massive group of Japanese tourists wanting to take pictures of them - all the requests were made extremely politely and charmingly. It was really rather sweet.

I'd feel differently if my dcs were running around naked on a beach, but then I guess someone with any kind of nefarious intent wouldn't ask in the first place?

IHateLivingHere · 08/03/2011 09:27

Slightly different one.....

When I was young, we lived in Kenya and my sister and I both have red hair, hers more auburn and mine a gingery blonde. Wherever we went, the Africans would encircle us and want to stroke our (naturally) red hair, because they went to great lengths to dye their own hair with the red murram earth/dust.

They meant no harm, they were simply fascinated by our hair, but our parents would usually be 'outside' the circle and we'd be trapped in the middle, (lapping up the attention), surrounded by Masai men & women Grin

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 09:28

I love red hair. Where are you living now, that you hate it so much?

kittens · 08/03/2011 09:35

I lived in HK for a while and people there always wanted to photgraph or touch my DD (on the hand!), she was 18months at the time, but had a head of curly hair and huge eyes, which are unusual in China. My friend had a blond DD and he found the same. Its just cultural and the children probably looked like manga characters!!

squeakytoy · 08/03/2011 09:35

As a photographer this is a subject that is always of concern to me.

For example last year I was at a local lake/park, taking photos of the landacape and autumn colours, and next to me were a couple of children splashing in a puddle, both wearing really bright red/yellow/blue clothes, and it really would have made an absolutely fantastic photo.

I held back from taking one though. Simply because even though it would have been a briliant photo for me, it would have been an intrusion to simply take it. I always carry my business card, and I wondered if I should approach the nearby parents and offer to send them a copy of the photo if they emailed me at the address on the card.

What would any of you have said if you had been that parent and I had asked you?

One of my parents favourite photos of me as a child is one that some strange bloke took. I was with my dad and we were walking past a camera shop, the bloke came outside to test his camera, and asked my dads permission, and did post the photo to them afterwards.

pawsnclaws · 08/03/2011 09:37

squeakytoy I would've been happy to say yes. Photography is an art, and if a photographer sees something special then I think it's great to allow them to capture that moment.

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 08/03/2011 09:39

Oh we have had this all the time especially from tourists from China / Japan / Korea

We have twin boys and on holiday it has often felt as if we were the tourist attraction.

On one occasion a coach load of them practically qued up to take a turn having their picture taken with the boys.

Yes - its weird. Yes - its sometimes annoying. But it is pretty harmless.

Firawla · 08/03/2011 09:39

I wouldn't have had a problem with it, if it was a photographer and they offered to send the pic afterwards then that would be quite nice imo. When your dc are in public then people see them so i dont see the huge difference between that and a photo, if its a nice photo then its something good to remember. I wouldn't take my dc out dressed in an inappropriate way so the peado thing not too much of an issue personally

CornflowerB · 08/03/2011 09:42

When I was on honeymoomnin Thailand, an Asian tourist pointed at my husband and then his own camera. We thought he wanted my husband to take a photo of him at the temple, but no he wanted a photo of himself with my husband Grin Yes he is blonde... But I have one quite blonde little girl and even I am fascintated by her hair and I see it everyday.Grin There is definitely something about blondes.

AintMissBeehiving · 08/03/2011 09:42

yy - lived in Algeria as a child and being blonde was an object of fascination. Lots of cheek pinching and hair touching. Same thing happens with DS2 (blonde and blue eyed) in North Africa - DS1 (brown hair and eyes) is not the subject of the same attention.

TBH being asked by someone to take a photo wouldn't worry me. Someone taking a photo "covertly" would.

picturerail · 08/03/2011 09:44

We had a similar thing happen to us in Paris when DS1 was coming up for 1. We were at the Trocadero taking photos of the Eiffel Tower & were approached by a group of Japanese business men who asked to have a photo holding him. At the time I didn't think it was strange, just a crazy touristy thing to do but when we got home & told family & friends (& showed them our photo of it) a couple of them commented on how strange it was & said we shouldn't have let them take it because "God knows what they'd do with it" obviously implying that it would end up in the hands of a paedophile This really annoyed me & proves as someone said above that some people do think they are on every corner!

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