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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think men wanting to photograph DS aged 1 are weirdos?

96 replies

BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 06:15

At a nice shop on Sat... total stranger declares to his entourage "What a sweet boy!" in my DS's direction. Flattered, I smiled back and said thanks. Then he asked "Would you mind if I took a picture of him outside?"....
"Sorry, no..." I said.

Think the guy was an American. Middle aged, well groomed.

Has happened once before. Anyone else had this happen & did it make you feel uncomfortable?

Think that next time (if there is a next time) I'm going to ask why they want to take a photo. To make a point.

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 08/03/2011 09:46

I'd have said fine.

I don't believe that a child can be harmed by someone taking a photo of them in the situation you, or the OP, describe.

There is nothing to fear.

I just don't see why people want to bother Grin (apart from professional photographers of course) and I am aware that it is seen by many as a strange thing to do so anyone asking should be aware of that and make sure they explain why they want the photo, because there are people who worry about it and you can't pretend there aren't. And you leave yourself vulnerable by just taking photos. That's the biggest problem. The risk to yourself of not explaining to someone why you photograph their child. If they are the hysterical type, you could find yourself with the police!

But as to tourists, I don't see what the big deal is, why you'd want a photograph of some stranger you don't know from adam, had no relationship with of any sort and will never set eyes on again.

Even if they were a "super-cute little black baby girl."

Or a redhead.

Or a little blond thing.

I don't understand why people give a shit. They're just random people. It's so - illogical. pointless. meaningless. I am so baffled by it, I really am Grin

squeakytoy · 08/03/2011 09:46

Thanks Paws. I was with my husband at the time, (who isnt a photographer, just my "caddy" for lenses and bags. ).. and said "aw that would look great" and he said "no, you cant just take photos of children"...

I found that quite sad, and it made me realise how bad society has got that many men are worried that they will be thought of as paedophiles if they were to show an interest in taking innocent photos of children. :(

I think children show the most amazing expressions in photos, genuine and not posed, but it is such a minefield I suppose.

I love taking candid photos of people.. young, old, and anywhere in between.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 09:49

don't photos of dc sometim es get manipulated so the face of your dc ends up on the body of another on unpleasant websites? I thought that was the problem with it.

Tbh I wouldn't give my address/email to someone who took a photo of my dc I don't think

myhouseisnotamess · 08/03/2011 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 09:50

fairly sure I read something like that on MN once when it was a question of mums not wanting their dc's photo on someone else's faceb ook page. Anyone remember that?

squeakytoy · 08/03/2011 09:55

tbh I wouldn't give my address/email to someone who took a photo of my dc I don't think

I was careful to say there, I would give them my business card, so that they could contact me.

I think the hysteria over photos on facebook is quite mad. The only people on your facebook are supposed to be people you know. The real danger is children who are allowed unsupervised on facebook, particularly teenage girls who see nothing risky in putting up what they think are sexy looking poses of themselves pouting at their mobile phone Confused.

VajazzHands · 08/03/2011 09:56

I'm american we do not take random pics of people's children. Fear of pedophiles is probably worse back home.

Also an English kid just would not that be unusual looking to warrant taking a pic of compared to back home.. this isn't like bringing a little blond child to a small village in china where they would be quite interesting!

YANBU!

VajazzHands · 08/03/2011 10:01

Actually a good point has been made.. was your kid wearing school uniform? Because I probably would consider a sneaky pic if I had been visiting. They are sooo Englihs its like a red bus photo.

nancydrewfoundaclue · 08/03/2011 10:03

Another ME resident here with blonde haired blue eyed DC - everyday outings can feel like a photo shoot! It's taken me a while to understand it but I don't find it objectionable.

30 odd years ago a professional photographer asked my mum if he could take some photos of me and my sis playing in a sand pit. He sent her some copies and I love them

ShatnersBassoon · 08/03/2011 10:03

A few Japanese people asked if they could take photos of our (blonde, curly-haired) children when we were on holiday last year. I let them, seeing as they asked nicely and I was very flattered Blush.

Mymblesson · 08/03/2011 10:10

It's the subversive approach of some that concerns me.

Yes that is creepy. When we were in Poznan last summer in a big crowd, I noticed a man taking pics of my son (who of course being mine is unutterably cute). I caught his eye and he scarpered pretty quickly before I could say anything.

BooyFuckingHoo · 08/03/2011 10:18

i went out for a meal once with my work colleagues and two of the people i was with ordered a dish that came served on a big meat hook. it was quite something, i must admit but a man at the table next to us started taking photgraphs of it whilst my friends were eating!!

i thought that was a bit strange.

Skifit · 08/03/2011 10:23

Its so sad that some people think its weird for an adult to take a photo of your child. The guy BlackSwan mentioned i think was just a friendly soul. Its ridiculous to jump to the sad conclusion that he may be a paedophile. He could be , but i think you have to use your maternal/paternal instincts and judge at the time.
Blond hair in countries where all children are dark is obviously like Gold Dust to them and well worth a photo.
All my kids have dark hair, so not worth a photo at all. !!

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 10:29

I genuinely don't understand what would the attraction be for a paedophile or anyone else in subversively taking photos of children dressed in normal clothes out and about? What's the idea, why would they do it?

FanellaFidget · 08/03/2011 10:31

We were having lunch at a pub in the Midlands a couple of years ago. Sat in the garden with DS, who was 2 at the time, an older lady approached us and asked to take a picture of us. She was English and was with, who appeared to be, her son. She offered no explanation, just asked if we would stand side by side, and beckoned her son over. It felt odd (pedo wasn't my first thought, however something didn't feel right) so I declined. It still puzzles me and I wish I had asked why, I was too flustered though I think! I then watched her son taking sneaky pics of a group of children at the end of the garden... they obviously hadn't asked permission, he had the camera on the table and kept clicking.

Bizarre.

TotallyandUtterly · 08/03/2011 10:39

To be honest, I think it's a case of people from other countries love children more than the British. Obviously not our own children, we love them to bits. When we were in Cyprus, the Cypriots absolutely adored my DS who was 1. If he cried they thought it was sweet, etc. In England, if my Dcs cry in a shop there's lots of tutting and eye rolling.

I think the man was probably just being nice, but you're uncomfortable because you're a good mum and don't want anything sinister happening to your DS.

It's quite naive to ask to photograph someone's children in this day and age. But like I say, people from different countries and backgrounds have different ideas.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 10:41

that's odd fanella

MakesCakesWhenStressed · 08/03/2011 10:42

activate: - wrong. You own the rights to your own image. Photographers must obtain your signed permission (or a guardian's permission if the subject is a minor) before they can use the image professionally. The exception to this is if the subject cannot reasonably be identified in the photograph or if it is of a large group of people.

So yes, photographers can take whatever picture they want, but it's of damn all use to them unless they have a model release form.

FanellaFidget · 08/03/2011 10:42

See... I do get why people from another country might do it, my Mum has some lovely shots of children in Thailand. However the couple I came across were just plain odd, I think.

EldritchCleavage · 08/03/2011 10:43

In this country I would probably refuse to avoid my child's image being exploited commercially. This happened to a friend of mine who let a random stranger take a photo of her and her son and them found herself and her child pasted all over London billboards, in newspapers and magazines on an advert. It caused her a lot of embarrassment because of her job (her employers were not happy). I think this is far more likely than some paedo use, and also more likely if the photographer is a professional.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 10:45

hadn't thought of that eldridge, so they may simply be collecting photos for possible commercial usage at some stage - type of photo bank

ninedragons · 08/03/2011 10:46

We lived in Shanghai when DD1 was a baby, and took her to the Bund one day. It's full of tourists from the provinces, many of whom have never seen a white person before, let alone a white baby. We had an orderly queue of about 70 people form to have their photos taken with her. It was hilarious. I took some photos of my own so one day DD can look back on her celebrity days in China.

picturerail · 08/03/2011 10:47

Yes ZZenAgain I agree. I took the photo of DS1 & it was of a man holding him with the Eiffel Tower in the background standing alongside 5 or 6 others all smiling insanely at the camera whilst DS1 is looking sideways on & was bundled up in a thick winter coat with a hat over his eyes. God knows what people thought they would do with that photo!

Original poster
BlackSwan · 08/03/2011 12:05

I guess what made me say no was not knowing why he wanted the photo & where it would end up. Plus feeling a little odd that my baby is something of a curiosity to be photographed by a total stranger. My child, my prerogative. Appreciate all the views posted here. No he wasn't in uniform - he's only 1!! Nor fancy dress.

OP posts:
eddiemccready · 08/03/2011 13:19

I let a japanese couple take photos of ds in Boots one day. Never thought anything of it. What wrong can someone do with a photo of a fully clothed child who they don't know anything about.