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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to get hold of my best friends NOW ex boyfriend and kill the bastard?

81 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/03/2011 19:41

as he is a lying cheating fat ignorant 2 timing cheating dirty cunt who deserves to be strung up by a fucking noose and slowly totured until he screams and then totured some more?

OP posts:
ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 08/03/2011 11:25

How the fuck can he have kept a pregnant OW and then baby quiet from his family and friends for 3 yrs??!

She can trust him??? Is he mad?! How the fuck does he think that would work.

Was he there at the birth of his kid? Has he been involved at all with bringing the child up?

Your poor, poor friend. I think two bottles of wine might be needed. You're a fab friend, she's lucky to have you.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/03/2011 11:31

He has regularly seen his child and helped raise him.

I will get her a bottle of wine and also the new duvet which probs seems stupid but he ruined hers by dropping cigarettes on them.

OP posts:
ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 08/03/2011 11:49

I thought you were getting her a new duvet as a symbol of a new start in life.

God she must be in pieces. :(

notagypsy · 08/03/2011 16:01

Yip, what a wanker. But does your friend know you are posting all this on MN? And how do you know the OW isnt on this reading it all! Just a thought.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 08/03/2011 17:32

Not agypsy- Does it really matter WHAT the OW thinks?! She's been as duplicitous as the partner in this situation, shagging a man in an established relationship and continuing the affair. Nah personally they deserve each other.

TLE I hope your friend is ok.

BigHairyGruffalo · 08/03/2011 19:35

I am so shocked that he could get away with this!! Sounds like he and the OW deserve each other. Angry

RunAwayWife · 08/03/2011 19:43

Well it is a small blessing that they do not have children together.

I think all you can do is be there to support your friend and help her have the strength to chuck him out and not let him back in to her life.

Also feel sorry for the child who did not ask to have such dirty lying trollops for parents Sad

bupcakesandcunting · 08/03/2011 19:53

Oh. My. God.

Some people (him AND her) really have no fucking scruples, do they? Your poor friend. Do you want help kicking his cock in? PM me. I'll round a troupe up.

bupcakesandcunting · 08/03/2011 19:59

Oh, and

He told her he was sorry and he didn't know why he had done it, that nobody knew about the kid, and that he only slept with her a couple of times(like that makes it better!!)

Yeah, yeah and I just went for a shit and out came a diamond... YAWN. Next.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 08/03/2011 21:25

OP, is he my ex? Hmm My ex left me for someone else when I was 4 months pg (I was also 33). DS wasn't very old when I found out he'd fathered two other children with two different women, while we'd been together. He'd effectively been living a double life in the 4 years we'd been together and I didn't know a thing about it. Apart from feeling betrayed, I felt stupid and ashamed that I'd had no idea what had been going on.

I really feel for your friend and for what it's worth, you are doing the right thing and sound like a fantastic friend. You haven't said whose house it is but the best thing your friend can do is chuck him out, or move out herself (if it's his house). A fresh start is the best thing. With your help, she'll be ok.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/03/2011 22:09

Sorry for not replying earlier I have had a hectic day.

I don't give a flying fuck if the ow is/was or has read this she is a trollop a slapper slag bitch who slept with my friends 16yr partner (I thought it was less) even though she knew about my friend.

I have spoken to my friend a few times today she went into work and managed to hold herself together.

He is still in the flat but when I called friend was laughing with me then crying until he made some comment about love and I let rip at him - I couldn't help myself Blush Angry

which made her laugh at him and I know I shouldn't have lost it but i did.

She and I are bagging his shit belongings up on Thursday.

OP posts:
BulletWithAName · 08/03/2011 22:12

Thank God she's got you for a friend. If I were going through what she is, someone like you is who I'd need to keep me strong TLE! I hope in time she realises that she deserves better than a bastard like that.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 08/03/2011 22:23

See she is more than just a friend, hmm we are so close she is like a sister to me, the younger one I never had.

I will fight her corner every time.

In the 14 years we have been friends we have never once had a cross word something we are proud of.

She is wondering if there are any other kids in between the 15yr old he has and this one. I have told her that right now thats not important but what is is that she holds her head high and doesn't feel ashamed but proud of herself for being the wonderful person she is.

Thank you all for your replies. I was so so angry last night but now I just want to help her deal with what she needs to.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 09/03/2011 11:18

I thought I would let you know my friend is okish, very hurt. I just had a half hour call with her at work, I told her to spin this situation round and look at it from another view - instead of her feeling betrayed realise he has done her a favour because she now has freedom, independence and has seen him for who he is. He will never change and she needs to stand tall and be proud of who she is without him.

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 09/03/2011 13:37

oh! he has a 15 year old as well? and she's been seeing him for 14/16 years? blimey. Did she know about the 15 year old when they got together? or was he trying to hide that one as well?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 09/03/2011 15:29

No the 15 yr old has always been in the picture he has always been known about.
He also has a dd in her 20's who has always been known as well.
Its just this one he has hidden.

OP posts:
LionRock · 09/03/2011 15:53

Something similar (minus the baby) happened to a friend of mine.

She was in her 30s and had been with the @rse since they were teenagers. COuldn't imagine a life without him although he had to go, spinsterhood beckons etc. Within two years (at 36) she was married to a lovely guy ang got pg the first month they started TTC.

It'll be difficult for your friend to see a way forward but there are very happy endings out there. I don't want to suggest that another relationship is the only way to be happy of course.

It goes without saying that my friend saw lots of flaws in her first relationship once she was out of it, things that at the time hadn't seemed so big. She may need to talk about this for a long time...

solooovely · 14/03/2011 17:59

How's your friend?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2011 23:18

He is still there but she won't speak to him and she has started telling his family they have a new cousin/nephew/etc and tomorrow is calling his mum in Jamaica to tell her she has a grandson.

She is still in bits....I have spent a lot of time talking to her and telling her she is worth more than this.

OP posts:
solooovely · 15/03/2011 08:02

Gosh what a shock for her and such a huge adjustment! Is she planning on throwing him out?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 28/03/2011 16:45

I finally got to see my friend yesterday and omg I am so worried about her.

Saturday night she finally locked the door behind him, he took just his charger and mobile. He then kept calling her - tbh thats not important to me right now.

I have known her a long time and never have I seen her look so terrible.

She has lost loads of weight - she was only a size 10 to start with, she is not eating but is drinking, she is only sleeping because of the drink, she is puffy eyed and pale faced. and somehow still managing to go to work.....

I am trying to find a way to get her out of the flat with me for a while.

Although yesterday I managed to get her to the local cafe to eat.

OP posts:
AuntieMaggie · 28/03/2011 17:49

Sorry to hear about her. Can she take some time off and come stay with you for a bit?

FabbyChic · 28/03/2011 17:54

Sorry for your friend, see if you can get her to stay with you for a while so she can sort herself out if you can.

She needs time to grieve so that she can get over the heartache and pain.

She also needs to eat.

Poor thing.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 28/03/2011 18:30

I tried to get her to book a couple of days off of work, but she couldn't.

OP posts:
AuntieMaggie · 28/03/2011 19:48

couldn't or wouldn't? she needs to get away.