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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit miffed at this?

66 replies

Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 13:46

I'm 6 weeks pg with my second DC. So, very early days. DH and I decided not to say anything to our families. I've told a couple of friends as I feel so grim I needed someone else to sympathise with me (DH was fine with this BTW).

Anyways, we went out with his siblings on sat night, and my not drinking was noted unsurprisingly. His brother said outright "so how many weeks are you?" !!!!! I was quite shocked and sort of spluttered a "what?!". He then told the other brother. When I was in the loo he asked DH, who said that we were trying but nothing was confirmed so we had nothing to announce.

This morning I got an email from MIL, and at the end it said rumour has it you're expecting, is this true?

Now, we spent the weekend at her house, so surely if we'd wanted to tell her, we would have? We didn't, so we don't. I know BIL will have said something to her, and DH seems to think she thinks we've announced it and not told her.

I'm really quite annoyed! Surely a grown woman should understand that if we haven't offered the information to her, then there is a reason for this, and it's up to us when we tell her formally? I didn't want to tell her as then I have to tell my mum, who really couldn't deal with me having a MC, which is unfortunately a real possibility at this early stage.

Do I feel like this just because I feel horribly sick and I'm knackered, or am I justified????

OP posts:
Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 13:59

bump??

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 07/03/2011 14:01

YABU. She's only asking, and can't read your mind.

Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 14:03

Thanks for that reply. So is it just me that thinks it's one of those questions you really shouldn't ask someone, as if they want you to know, they'll tell you?

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Bringonthegoat · 07/03/2011 14:03

I imagine the worry, sickness and tiredness are causing you to forget that everyone else is just really excited. They are being a bit insensitive but they love you, are happy for you and are probably nosey (just like the rest of us). Be miffed if you want, tis your right, especially when pg.

Hope all goes well and CONGRATULATIONS Grin

JeelyPiece · 07/03/2011 14:03

YANBU, people shouldn't ask or hint that they know. It's not too hard to work out that if you wanted them to know, you would have told them.

Have you answered her email - what did you say?

supadupapupascupa · 07/03/2011 14:05

YANBU to feel crap about it because you are hormonal.

Just reply back that obviously if there is any news with regards to another baby she will be one of the first people to know.

That's not a denial, but not an admission either, and it points out that you will tell when it's right for you.

Congratulations Grin

Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 14:10

Not just me then! No I haven't replied to the email. I called DH to tell him and said I was really cross. He was going to call her and say, again, that nothing was confirmed yet. I've told him not to and that we'll talk tonight and decide what to say to her.

Thanks for the congrats, now can you all make my morning sickness go away?!

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ashamedandconfused · 07/03/2011 14:14

for future reference the standard reply to the not drinking/are you pregnant scenario is to say you have to avoid alcohol due the medication you are on for

edwardcullensotherwoman · 07/03/2011 14:17

Congratulations! YANBU to be annoyed, but if she is excited at the prospect of another GC then I don't think she's BU to get impatient. BUT as a mother she should understand that you will want to wait until the time is right to announce it, not try to force it out of you. My mum's friend did this when I was first pg with DS, we were all out, I hadn't told anyone as I was only 7 weeks and (obviously) wasn't drinking. She asked why, I said I had an upset stomach. She asked outright, "are you pregnant?" which I thought was quite inappropriate, since my mum would have told her if she'd known, and I'm hardly likely to tell my mum's friend before my mum!

Re the morning sickness, try Malted milk or Rich tea biscuits when you feel queasy, seems to be helping mine so far! And congrats Grin

iamthere · 07/03/2011 14:18

YANBU - it's none of her business, but you don't have to tell her - just say what supadupapupascupa said :)

Bringonthegoat · 07/03/2011 14:19

I would reply to e-mail about everything else and TOTALLY ignore the end question. Don;t mention it and just ignore. Then make sure she is the first to be told when you are happy to tell.

edwardcullensotherwoman · 07/03/2011 14:19

Thanks for that tip ashamed , might need to use it at the weekend with friends (arranged a night out last week then found out about pg, typical!)

ivykaty44 · 07/03/2011 14:23

Op

email your MIL back and say

Your ds has put two and two together and come up with 101, he annonced to everyone in the pub I was pg and dh told him quitely that we where trying for baby no2. It is unfortunate he has refused to make things easy on us and has ram roaded ahead telling everyone I am already pg.

Hopefully there will be genuine good news soon

Until then though lets just try and get your ds to wind his neck in so he doesn't spoil other peoples anouncments

diddl · 07/03/2011 14:27

Congratulations!

And it´s up to you who you tell & when!

But I´ve seen this a few times-people guess because someone isn´t drinking.

And I wonder-do these family/friends never see you not drinking?

microserf · 07/03/2011 14:32

YANBU at all but their reaction is understandable, they are excited.

i claimed gastric irritation / a possible stomach ulcer for my last pregnancy, worked like a charm. esp since i thought it was true, only found out when i was 8 weeks Blush. also lots of women don't drink while they are TTC.

congrats by the way. i had awful morning sickness both times and i found constant nibbling on biscuits helped,it made a huge difference if my tummy never got empty. and sipping really cold lemonade slowly.

Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 14:38

Ivykaty thanks for that, it may well be the reply that I send later after I've had a chat with DH. And Diddl it's rare that I'd go to the pub with them and not have a least one drink (my days of binge drinking are well gone you'll be pleased to hear!

micro I haven't found a biscuit that doesn't make me gag yet! I know I need to eat as having an empty tummy is so much worse, but I really can't face much food at all. I risked porridge this morning and I nearly hurled, I can't believe it made me feel that bad!

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Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 14:40

Oh and drinks are a real issue. I'm hating water, went off tea and coffee immediately, and drinks with any kind of artificial sweetner in it tastes absolutely horrid. And I never drink fruit juice as it gives me indigestion. arrgghh!

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diddl · 07/03/2011 14:45

So, even though your husband told his brothers that you´re not expecting, they have told MIL that you are?

Why would they do that?

eileenslightlytotheleft · 07/03/2011 14:46

They are all BU. I spotted that SIL was pg weeks before the official announcement. I didn't say a word to her or anybody else in the family. Why would you? Think Supa's email is perfect - and you can repeat the same phrase for as long as you like. ILs are really trying sometimes!

eileenslightlytotheleft · 07/03/2011 14:49

Icoulddobetter I drank jasmine or green tea (expensive, loose leaf rather than supermarket teabags) throughout my pgs.

Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 14:51

diddl my BIL is a lovely man but it hasn't surprised me that he's said something. It's MIL's response, to then ask me, that was the surprise. I thought she's have the sense to wait till we announced it, but sadly not. It's just bloody annoying!

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Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 14:53

eileen the thought of jasmine tea does not immediately make me feel sick so I'll buy some later. Last time i was pg I bought shed loads of different types of tea, that I could never face again!

Can't stand green tea though.

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upahill · 07/03/2011 14:57

*Op

email your MIL back and say

Your ds has put two and two together and come up with 101, he annonced to everyone in the pub I was pg and dh told him quitely that we where trying for baby no2. It is unfortunate he has refused to make things easy on us and has ram roaded ahead telling everyone I am already pg.

Hopefully there will be genuine good news soon

Until then though lets just try and get your ds to wind his neck in so he doesn't spoil other peoples anouncments*

But the brother put 2 and 2 together and got 4!!
Why lie.

Come on famlies like to be involved. You are being a bit precious especially as you have already told friends.

If you hadn't told anyone I might be abit more sympathetic.

verytellytubby · 07/03/2011 15:03

I think you are being OTT. They are excited.

Original poster
Icoulddoitbetter · 07/03/2011 15:07

upahill I do agree with you to a degree. That's why I told DH not to call his mum earlier. But then again, it's our news so can't we tell who we want to first? The problem I've got with his mum knowing is then I'd have to tell my mum (who now lives very close, sees MIL regularly) and she'd really really struggle if I then go on and miscarry. I did this with my first DS and when I told her she completely agreed I'd make the right decision not to tell her ealier. Last time we told MIL very early, but then my mum lived 8 hours away!

I've told two very close friends, who I see far more than I see family, and who I would turn to for support if it goes wrong. And who I can turn to for support now when I feel like utter shite!

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