to be a bit miffed at this?

[Icoulddoitbetter]

I'm 6 weeks pg with my second DC. So, very early days. DH and I decided not to say anything to our families. I've told a couple of friends as I feel so grim I needed someone else to sympathise with me (DH was fine with this BTW).

Anyways, we went out with his siblings on sat night, and my not drinking was noted unsurprisingly. His brother said outright "so how many weeks are you?" !!!!! I was quite shocked and sort of spluttered a "what?!". He then told the other brother. When I was in the loo he asked DH, who said that we were trying but nothing was confirmed so we had nothing to announce.

This morning I got an email from MIL, and at the end it said rumour has it you're expecting, is this true?

Now, we spent the weekend at her house, so surely if we'd wanted to tell her, we would have? We didn't, so we don't. I know BIL will have said something to her, and DH seems to think she thinks we've announced it and not told her.

I'm really quite annoyed! Surely a grown woman should understand that if we haven't offered the information to her, then there is a reason for this, and it's up to us when we tell her formally? I didn't want to tell her as then I have to tell my mum, who really couldn't deal with me having a MC, which is unfortunately a real possibility at this early stage.

Do I feel like this just because I feel horribly sick and I'm knackered, or am I justified????

YANBU to be a bit miffed. It isn't their business and your BIL shouldn't have mentioned it directly to you, let alone told other family members.

Not sure what you could have done differently to prevent this though.

I'd reply to MIL saying - 'yes, I'm pg but as it is early days we were trying to keep it secret in case something goes wrong. I'd be very grateful if you could be discreet until I make a formal announcement'.

oh and congrats!

pagwatch it's because I'd not only have to deal with my own and DH's feelings but those of a mentally ill woman with anxiety and depression and a history of pathalogical grief reaction, grieving for a lost grandchild.

I'd rather avoid that if I can.

"'yes, I'm pg but as it is early days we were trying to keep it secret in case something goes wrong. I'd be very grateful if you could be discreet until I make a formal announcement'."

That sounds like a plan!

YANBU. It is your place to tell whomever you want, whenever you want. IMO it is fine to lie that you are not pg now, if you want to, and retract it later with your reasons. Why not? It's your body and your business, not your MIL's even if it is her potential GC.

I'm 7w and have told my family and friends, as they are my support network and I'd want them to know if I MC. But I've asked DH not to tell his family and friends as a) I couldn't stand the ILs fussing over me yet and b) last time we had a threatened miscarriage and his friends weren't aware and kept coming up to congratulate me on the pg.

The medication lie when out with friends didn't work for me last time (I've just told my friends this time); but saying you're driving might?

So, like I said, I was obviously missing something.

I seem to have really annoyed you. I am not sure why. I was just trying to reply to what you wrote.

Whatever it was that I posted that has caused you to seem particularly irritated with me, I apologise for. Whatever it was.

Firstly congrats

secondly I understand your feelings its very early days maybe explain to MIL?? surely she'll understand

I know it's annoying, but they are family and are just excited about it - so now is the time to ring them, confirm it but ask them to keep it quiet until you are comfortable going public when things are further on.

I've had a similar thing happen - I'm 10 weeks just now, and had told a few close friends as I've been feeling crap and needed some sympathy, but one of them inadvertantly told another friend, who told her mum who's close friends with my mum.....

The only way to keep it truly secret is not to tell anyone!!!!!

Can´t people just say that they don´t fancy drinking?

It's like an invasion of your privacy and you are not being unreasonable. Just deny it until you are ready, perhaps avoid going out with them until then. They will probably be very pleased when you do.

diddl, sadly not. A friend of mine doesn't drink through choice and gets constant hassle whenever we are out with someone new.

Blimey, where do you people live/what sort of friends do you have that not drinking is such an issue?

Congrats on your news. I must admit I feel I would be more upset with the BIL as you have no idea how he broached the subject with MIL. He may have made it seem like it was known to other relatives.

sensitivity would say don't ask... insensitive!

I literally didn't tell anyone other than DP when I found out, and swore him to secrecy as well. Then just before 12 weeks, I told DP's brother (who is my best friend, and the person who introduced DP and I), who was thrilled. The weekend after the 12 week mark, we had a family dinner (my family and DP's) and announced it there, so that no one would feel they were the last to know.

I would've been mighty pissed off if anyone had approached me asking, which is exactly why DP was the only one who knew.

OP, YANBU. I wouldn't tell MIL anything, I'd lie to her or ignore the question. You can't stop her from asking, but it doesn't entitle her to know anything you don't want to tell her.

Icoulddoitbetter I totally understand your feelings. You ILs have been tactless - BIL should not have told MIL and MIL is silly to have emailed you. But they don't mean to upset you. Do what feels most comfortable to you without actively lying or moaning about BIL (never helps in IL situations ime).

I'm back! pagwatch you haven't annoyed me at all, I was just trying to explain my reasoning for family not knowing yet.

DH is just putting the bubba to bed, then we're going to have a chat about what to do. I'd love to avoid them till 12 weeks is up but that's not possible unfortunately. I'm going to get hassle from all of them now whenever I see them, which will be mightily annoying. I know they are just excitied for us, but we won't let ourselves get too excited will that magic scan is done so I don't really want other people gushing about it!