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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when DP is referred to as my boyfriend?

58 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:16

Grrr, possibly totally petty but....

I am arranging with the letting agents to have my DP move into the house I rent. I refer to him as 'my partner' in all correspondence.

AgentWoman keeps writing back 'your boyfriend'.

I find this seriously annoying? To me, a partner is someone whom you've chosen for life. I love the word, because it implies an equality and camaraderie about our relationships. We make decisions together, we have fun together - we're partners.

Whereas boyfriend is something you have when you're about seventeen.

AIBU to think boyfriend is trivialising and disrespectful to someone old enough to be renting her own house and that just because we're not married, people should treat our relationship seriously?

OP posts:
Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:17

relationship obv, we only have one. (Wine)

OP posts:
hidenseek · 05/03/2011 20:17

It wouldn't bother me at all.

fivegomadinthelambingshed · 05/03/2011 20:19

Each to their own, my DP's girlfriend in her 40's hates being called partner and refers herself as his girlfriend.

usualsuspect · 05/03/2011 20:19

It would make me laugh if someone referred to my dp as my boyfriend Grin

BertieBasset · 05/03/2011 20:19

Could be worse. My mum uses the expression "gentlemen friend" or "lady friend". You'd feel about 80 then.

Or insist on referring to dp as your lover in all correspondence Grin

cumfy · 05/03/2011 20:19

Perhaps she knows something we don't. Wink

tethersend · 05/03/2011 20:20

Howdy Partner Grin

sourdoughface · 05/03/2011 20:20

i think partner is a dreadful word tbh and would never use it

BringOnTheGoat · 05/03/2011 20:20

You are overtinking it - she's not trivialising anything, some people think partner is for same sex couples Confused Agree boyfriend is irksome but I wouldn;t sweat it.

howlonguntiltheweekend · 05/03/2011 20:22

I always find it tricky. I've been with my partner for nearly 9 years. 'Boyfriend' doesn't do our relationship justice in my opinion. I do also find 'partner' a bit buisnessy though! However it is the one I prefer and would chose to use.

I do feel that when I'm in conversations with people I'll take the lead from them on what to refer to people in their lives as. E.G you've said 'partner' so letting agent should say partner in my opinion.

I always got the impression with my last place of work that people found it strange that we weren't married as well. Different discussion but it was almost like people looked down on us a bit which I found odd. I had only recently moved to the area when I started working there and most people I knew in my old home town weren't married at my age and were in relationships - many had simply chosen not to marry and were much older. That said I guess the people I worked with either were married after a few years or were in and out of relationships (that's not meant to be judgemental, just how it was).

expatinscotland · 05/03/2011 20:22

Partner sounds stupid to some people.

And your over-thinking it. Disrespectful. Get over yourself already.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:22

Bertie Grin Or do you think 'toyboy' would be more excruciating? 'Lovemuffin'?

tether, I am trying to formulate a very poor joke about bareback riding and not succeeding. Feel free to make your own up.....

OP posts:
howlonguntiltheweekend · 05/03/2011 20:23

Bertie my grandmother uses that to refer to my aunties boyfriend/partner. Always makes me giggle!

Bringonthegoat I do always wonder if people will think I'm in a same sex relationship when I say partner.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:24

howlong That's exactly it. I don't give a crap if she refers to her own husband as 'the sexmonkey' or whatever but I do think if I have said 'my partner' she should stick with that.

expat But if I got over myself I would have nothing to write AIBU threads about....

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 05/03/2011 20:25

How does she know or care about your relationship? She just needs to add the chap to your tenancy agreement.

Big deal.

tyler80 · 05/03/2011 20:26

I think YAB a little U

I would always refer to my OH as my boyfriend, but if someone else referred to him as my partner it wouldn't bother me even though it's a description I wouldn't ever use.

Not quite sure why, but I always think that if I mention my partner, people might expect a girl instead of a boy!

howlonguntiltheweekend · 05/03/2011 20:26

Peasent Totally the approach I take towards people. When I slip up and say something different I tend to correct myself but then I'm a worrier who always thinks she's going to offend! Grin

MrsChemist · 05/03/2011 20:29

Prior to getting married, my dad referred to then DP as my 'love interest.'

Bad enough between us, but this was in a speech at a formal event, in front of 200+ people.
It's hard to know who was more Blush me, DP or my dad.

Greenshadow · 05/03/2011 20:30

My 74 yr old Dad refers to his similar aged 'partner' as his girlfriend which I find rather amusing.

JenniPenni · 05/03/2011 20:31

Professionally she should be referring to 'partner' as that's how you refer to him in your correspondance.

I wouldn't be getting hit up about it though. It's insignificant in the grand scheme of things. You aren't married, so he is the boyfriend, as you are also not engaged. That's how many people think.

On a personal level, I dislike the term 'partner'... sounds too businesslike. I have had people referring to my 'partner' on many occasions.. and I say 'he's my HUSBAND'. haha.

Greenshadow · 05/03/2011 20:31

Partner can also cause confusion as to whether it is a romantic or business partnership.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:35

Criminal, actually, Greenshadow.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 05/03/2011 20:39

I'm like you OP...I also hate it when I'm talking on the phone to some random lad from Sky who say's "Do you mind if I call you Jane?"

I say "Yes I do mind...I am much older than you by the sound of your voice and even if I'm not, I am a customer and a stranger....you can call me Ms Kick"

I can HEAR them looking like this Hmm Shock at the phone.

Grin
IWillNotNeverEatATomato · 05/03/2011 20:39

I would be annoyed

I have been with my partner for 16 years and calling him my boyfriend sounds ridiculous. He is my partner

nzshar · 05/03/2011 20:40

Been with DP over 10 years Hate boyfriend but Hate partner too Confused Have trouble sometimes describing our relationship but more often than not choose partner because to me boyfriend sound stoo twee, we are both almost 40 not 14! :)