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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when DP is referred to as my boyfriend?

58 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:16

Grrr, possibly totally petty but....

I am arranging with the letting agents to have my DP move into the house I rent. I refer to him as 'my partner' in all correspondence.

AgentWoman keeps writing back 'your boyfriend'.

I find this seriously annoying? To me, a partner is someone whom you've chosen for life. I love the word, because it implies an equality and camaraderie about our relationships. We make decisions together, we have fun together - we're partners.

Whereas boyfriend is something you have when you're about seventeen.

AIBU to think boyfriend is trivialising and disrespectful to someone old enough to be renting her own house and that just because we're not married, people should treat our relationship seriously?

OP posts:
catinboots · 05/03/2011 20:41

marry him then Wink

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 05/03/2011 20:42

Or call him your 'love interest'. (Thanks PP!)

OP posts:
catinboots · 05/03/2011 20:42

Or refer to him as your husband. I call my partner my husband and have done for years. Even though we only got engaged last year and are marrying this August.

KittaKatta · 05/03/2011 22:28

I do think because you've said partner so should she.

I've been with OH for 18years now and I still don't really know what to call him (other than oy you git, don't put that plate next to the sink put it in the bloody sink, FFS in 18 years you think you'd know. . what? is it meant to crawl in to the sink. . ) Blush

But am totally agreement with SeeJaneKick, I bloody hate when I call somewhere etc and they start to call me Kitta, OH will get up and leave the room, when I go Mrs Bucket mode and say 'Actually, only my friends and family call me Kitta, you can call me Miss Katta, thank you.'

But then I will never call some else by their first name unless I am invited to do so [btw I'm in my 30's not my 90's Confused

But if you really want me to go from 0-90 in a second is to refer to me as Auntie Kitta when I am in no way related to the child by blood or marriage, it's wrong so very very wrong.

Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 22:31

Lol the 80 year old who lives next door to my mum calls her looong loony term partner her 'boyfriend' it always made me chuckle... But it's kinda sweet

Casmama · 05/03/2011 22:37

"Someone whom you've chosen for life" God you take yourself a bit seriously. You're not married and you are only just about to move in together maybe she thinks of partners as living together and as you are not quite there yet she thinks boyfriend is the more appropriate term. Who knows. Either get over it or correct her in writing.

BitOfFun · 05/03/2011 22:38

It would irritate me too. If you have referred to him as 'partner', then they should too.

Perhaps you should bring it up in your correspondence?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 05/03/2011 22:40

I think 'partner' is the default term in a professional situation / form of communication so YANBU. But I like Boyfriend myself - it sounds youthful and I am trivial like that.

birdofthenorth · 05/03/2011 22:45

Boyfriend is a daft term for anyone over the age of about 25 and/or who has been in a relationship for years not months. But I wouldn't be offended I can't imagine this person intended any disrespect!

PonceyMcPonce · 05/03/2011 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaisleyLeaf · 05/03/2011 23:33

fivegomad, do you not mind your DP having a girlfriend?
Confused
(maybe I'm reading it wrong).

canttakenomore · 05/03/2011 23:40

I never know what to call my boyfriend. I'm a smidge over 40 so boyfriend sounds stupid. Partner is a bit ....I dunno...like a Cowboy sidekick.

Hmm Confused

BitOfFun · 05/03/2011 23:42

It's easy to say 'Just get married' though, but there can be all sorts of circumstances which mean that isn't an immediate prospect. It doesn't mean though that your committed relationship should be downgraded to the status of a seventeen year-old's though.

catinboots · 06/03/2011 11:19

Oh didn't read you had previously referred to him as 'partner'. Yes of course she should do the same! How weird and rude of her!

GiddyPickle · 06/03/2011 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 06/03/2011 11:57

I prefer 'partner' and always use it when referring to DP, and it's polite to use the terms that people prefer for themselves. Not really offended if people say 'boyfriend' though.

Getting married would not solve the problem for me as then people would refer to us as husband/wife which IMO would be even worse - I would still want to say partner. All this baggage is a bit part of why I've resisted getting married for so long. Bring on those civil partnerships for straight couples!

doley · 06/03/2011 12:04

There needs to be a new word for those that have 'partners' !

I think 'boyfriend 'sounds very 70's ...Grin

When I hear someone use the word partner,I feel it sounds very political and in a' taking a stance ' type of way ??????

Yes,we need a new word for long time together people IMO :)

Particles · 06/03/2011 12:05

I called DH my "boyfriend" for years because I knew it drove him mad. He would always correct me using "partner" or "fiancé" although I would point out that technically, it was true as we weren't yet married. I only stopped when he finally married me. Personally, I think it sped the process up. Grin

Although he was once on the phone to someone who got the wrong end of the stick when he said partner and sent us mail addressed to "Mr and Mr" - perhaps that is what did the trick!

A friend of mine has an auntie who refers to her "man-friend" as she says she is too old to have a boyfriend. I agree it's a tricky one!

AuntiePickleBottom · 06/03/2011 12:06

get engaged and then call him your fiancéé

Wamster · 06/03/2011 12:18

I find 'partner' an ambiguous word myself. Partner could mean anything, really-it could mean a business partner for example.
I actually find it annoying when someone calls my husband my 'partner' as it trivialises the relationship in my view as all partner really implies is sexual relationship so go figure.

PonceyMcPonce · 06/03/2011 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

professionalhitman · 06/03/2011 14:07

I agree she should have taken the lead from the OP and use the term 'partner' if that's what the OP used. That is rude and disrespectful.

I personally don't mind DP being called my partner or boyfriend. We don't live together though, although we've been together 4 years, so partner doesn't always seem appropriate. I feel young enough that 'boyfriend' doesn't seem too trivial Grin.

I think 'partner' tends to mean different things in different social circles. Amongst my friends, it just means 'someone you're in a medium/long-term relationship with but not married to'. DP doesn't like using it though as people tend to use it for same-sex partners where he's from.

Diablo82 · 06/03/2011 14:10

I wouldn't like anybody to refer to my OH as "boyfriend", but then I am married. "Husband" implies a much firmer commitment than "partner".

reallytired · 06/03/2011 14:15

Why don't you get married? Marriages do not have to be expensive. There are many legal advantages for being married. It prove the world that you have a serious relationship and intend to be together for life.

I think that the term "partner" is pretty vague.

However I think a letting agent should address people as they wish to be address.

BitOfFun · 06/03/2011 14:16

All sorts, Poncey. Children, houses that don't sell, finances. God, lots of things. I'm not going go into my own personal situation, but I am in a very committed long-term relationship and we both intend to get married but can't at the moment. It doesn't mean that the relationship is shitty and meaningless though