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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so angry at having my break RUINED!

86 replies

solooovely · 04/03/2011 14:22

So you're going to a wedding 6 hours drive away so will be staying overnight. You're really looking forward to the time away for you and your DH (actually you are REALLY looking forward to it and REALLY need it due to just having recovered from PND after being ill for 3 years). You ask PIL to babysit 6 months in advance (you hardly ever ask). They say yes. You turn up to drop off the children and they say "you need to be back first thing in the morning as I want to go swimming".

Now bearing in mind this means that you won't be able to have a drink at the wedding as you'll have to be sober first thing the next morning, you'll have to have an early night and so miss most of the evening party, you'll have to get up very, very early the next day and drive straight back without stopping for breakfast or anything, won't have time for a shower and will arrive back exhausted and feeling like crap.

When you get back they are annoyed with you as they think you should have been back earlier and have decided not to go swimming anyway and so just give you dirty looks and sulk.

How would you feel? Right now am extremely angry and not sure if I'm overreacting.

OP posts:

cheekeymonkey · 04/03/2011 18:58

Parents eh? You would think thet would be only too happy to have some time with their GC? My DD only has 1 GP and she won't even babysit for a couple of hours even though she has my Niece and Nephew every day before and after school. It sucks.

Original poster

solooovely · 04/03/2011 20:23

rookiemater exactly! the relaxing morning and breakfast would have been really nice, and then of course we'd have started missing the dcs loads and been keen to get back to them.

SpringchickenGoldBrass I think you are right in that it seems spiteful. There is probably a lot of truth in that. We had an argument with a family member a while back (in my humble opinion we were right to stick up for ourselves and the other party was out of order) but the PIL took sides and it wasn't ours. So I think the spitefulness probably comes from that. They are trying to punish us.

cheekeymonkey that's shit!

Blu It's not even just 2 occassions, there have been some others as well, such as my asking for help when my PND was bad (I was finding every minute of every day a struggle) and them not giving 2 minutes of there time throughout it, they just said they were busy (for ALL that time?!). My asking for help when I was ill during pregnancy and they said "no too busy". I could tell you more but I'd bore you.

OP posts:

Petsville · 04/03/2011 21:30

I'm sorry, OP, that's miserable, and your PILs sound very petty and unpleasant. I think the only thing to be done is to learn from this and never, ever rely on them again. If your DH won't fight back, that's up to him - they're his parents - but you can limit the impact they have on you and your DC.

Earthymama · 04/03/2011 22:31

What idiots they are! Missing out on bring involved in their grandchildren's lives to answer some bizarre need to be in control.
I wasn't alewys the best behaved mother to my kids when they were teenagers, acted out some of the stuff from my childhood, quite restrained religious upbringing (only CoE, not too extreme ) and I loved them unconditionally but I am Determined to be the best grandmother I can. I have been howling all evening because I'm ill and can't cope with DGC not staying over as they usually do at the weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, the kids have to behave and help on the allotment, I go away when it suits me, I say no if I have other plans but I certainly feel as though I am the next layer of care giving for my DGC.
I wish I could be there for all of you, it makes me so sad that these self -centred twats can't do the minimum that you rarely ask!

CarnivalBizarre · 04/03/2011 22:47

YANBU in the least! I think I might have been tempted to punch your in laws in the throat - but thats because I am rankling from a very similar situation and I won't forget it in a very long time ...not that I hold grudges you understand

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2011 22:50

Why couldn't they have taken the children swimming

starfishmummy · 04/03/2011 22:52

We had years of watching MIL drop everything to help out her other son and DIL, while doing virtually nothing for us. I know she is not obliged to help us, but hearing about what she did for them was very galling. Even though they have moved some distance away she will still drop everything, abandonning FIL, to go and help. Well what goes around comes around - if she and FIL need help as they get older, they will just have to ask their other son.

CarnivalBizarre · 04/03/2011 23:05

starfish ...precisely what I'm talking about in my previous post :(

Original poster

solooovely · 05/03/2011 08:30

CarnivalBizarre - aaah sorry you're going through it as well. What happened?

Petsville - limiting the impact is what I'm trying to do. I had to put up with it for several years as DH didn't feel he could say anything and didn't think it was my place to. It's just been making me bitter and angry though and that's not healthy! So now I just don't ask and if anything were to happen again (don't know how seeing as I never ask) then I would speak my mind. Although saying that it's hard to say anything when you are completely stunned!

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I was fully expecting to get shouted at about expecting the gp to help, but not once!

I think what makes it worse is that I don't have my own parents to help which I'm incredibly sad about, and I still haven't got over the fact that they are not with us to do that, they would have loved it

OP posts:

hairylights · 05/03/2011 10:18

Should maybe have checked how long they could have the children for next day? Understand it's a bummer tho. If I'm babysitting overnight I do confirm in advance what time they are being collected/ I need to have them back.

QuintessentialShadows · 05/03/2011 10:26

Remember this, one day they will be old and need help.

Be there for them exactly as much as they have been there for you...

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