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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so angry at having my break RUINED!

86 replies

solooovely · 04/03/2011 14:22

So you're going to a wedding 6 hours drive away so will be staying overnight. You're really looking forward to the time away for you and your DH (actually you are REALLY looking forward to it and REALLY need it due to just having recovered from PND after being ill for 3 years). You ask PIL to babysit 6 months in advance (you hardly ever ask). They say yes. You turn up to drop off the children and they say "you need to be back first thing in the morning as I want to go swimming".

Now bearing in mind this means that you won't be able to have a drink at the wedding as you'll have to be sober first thing the next morning, you'll have to have an early night and so miss most of the evening party, you'll have to get up very, very early the next day and drive straight back without stopping for breakfast or anything, won't have time for a shower and will arrive back exhausted and feeling like crap.

When you get back they are annoyed with you as they think you should have been back earlier and have decided not to go swimming anyway and so just give you dirty looks and sulk.

How would you feel? Right now am extremely angry and not sure if I'm overreacting.

OP posts:
BuzzLiteBeer · 04/03/2011 14:46

I would have a long time to think about how I felt about, in the dark quiet hours in my prison cell, after killing them stone dead with the nearest blunt implement

Blu · 04/03/2011 14:48

DH should have stepped in when they announced the 'first thing in the morning' thing.
They have been spectacularly selfish and unhelpful - you DH needs to ask them to stop sulking, tell them that it was frustrating to arrive home and find they weren't going swimming after all because of the way driving home sober and in the night had wrecked the night for you.
Did they know you were going 6 hours away?

KittaKatta · 04/03/2011 14:48

I'm with Buzzlitebeer on this one.

Bet they're the type that complain that they never see the GC's too

kerala · 04/03/2011 14:49

Ooh I feel your pain. I asked ILs 6 MONTHS in advance if they could have the two easy to look after children for 24 hours whilst I am bridesmaid at my sisters wedding. They are in perfect health recently retired and often say they are looking for things to do. They agreed. Then last month recanted and said they didnt want to book themselves up that far up in advance as they might have paperwork to do that weekend Hmm. Then they wonder why I am slightly peeved . Know they are my children my responsibility etc but my sisters wedding for gods sake! Have now asked friends and DH and I privately decided we will never ask them for anything again

rightpissedoff · 04/03/2011 14:51

I would be homicidal.

rightpissedoff · 04/03/2011 14:51

In fact I would have said we couldn't get back.

Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 14:53

Ok well thank you for confirming that I'm not being completely mental about it!

I was so shocked I didn't say anything! Neither did DH. He couldn't believe it either. I had asked them very nicely and explained how far away it was. When we got there and that, I was left with no choice as I was expected at the wedding just hours later, so no chance of arranging anything else (we don't have anyone else though so they had us over a barrel).

I was so upset as was my DH and we hardly spoke all the way to the wedding and put us both in a dampened mood for it. This wasn't the first time it had happened so I think he was very hurt as it confirmed what he thought, that they don't like helping us out the 2 times a year that we ask but will look after his siblings child every fortnight.

It's extremely hurtful for him to accept. This actually happened a few months ago (still angry!) and we have decided not to ask them ever again.

There was no reason why they couldn't go swimming later so were obviously just being difficult.

They have this way about them that makes you feel unable to complain about anything as they make you look/feel really ungrateful, so we just have to accept what they are willing to do which is often no help, or refusal of help when we are DESPERATE, or withdrawal of the help at the last minute. It's like they are trying to make a point. I guess they must feel really put upon but it's definately not by us!

OP posts:
minipie · 04/03/2011 14:55

Ok, I'd be furious, but on the other hand why didn you agree to get back for the morning anyhow?

Surely the appropriate response would have been

"oh sorry, it's 6 hours drive away, so we can't be back until the afternoon I'm afraid"

Ideally from your DH, as Blu says.

minipie · 04/03/2011 14:55

cross posted - your last post explains it...

Sad Angry

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 04/03/2011 14:57

Your in-laws sound like my parents, OP. Agreeing to have the children then when we've made plans coming up with all sorts of "conditions" and then the dirty looks and huffs and underhand remarks when we get there to collect the children...

Rhinestone · 04/03/2011 14:58

They are horrible.

I'd have lied too.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/03/2011 15:01

I would have had a drink, enjoyed the wedding, got back late into the afternoon/early evening & if it was raised as an issue said with a laugh "oh I thought you were joking".

Sorry you had your trip away cut short - how very nasty and selfish of them!

Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 15:01

What makes it worse is I was already unhappy about asking them to babysit as a while before I had been offered some temping work. I asked MIL to babysit and she said yes. Got there and she suddenly said she could only do it for 2 hours! I had asked her to cover the 6 hours til DH got home from work. So I was left having to let down the person I was supposed to be temping for and now they won't employ me again so I've lost a perfectly good way of making extra money. The excuse . . . she had housework to do! (I asked 1 month in advance!)

OP posts:
rightpissedoff · 04/03/2011 15:02

I feel sorry for your dh, it must be very painful for him.

Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 15:03

(Before I start to sound like I'm entitled, these were the only 2 times I had asked in about 18 months.)

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 04/03/2011 15:03

:( that DH's parents treat him that way :(

but I would have still not come back.
you know they would be pissed off at you being late no matter what, so being back at the time you intended wouldn't have made it any worse.

Angry for you both too.

Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 15:04

Awhiteelephantintheroom WHY DO THEY DO IT?!?!?!?!

rightpissedoff You are right it is very painful for him. Actually just thinking about it makes me want to cry. He's so lovely, he doesn't deserve it.

OP posts:
shimmerysilverglitter · 04/03/2011 15:04

My parents were similar to this. I left ds with them when he was 4 months old for about three hours, first time they had him, I got back to dirty looks and silences from both parents and my sister and my Mum saying in a sad voice "I am afraid he got VERY upset while you were gone and just couldn't be comforted" with a disapproving look on her face and then my Dad made some nasty crack about having "spent the afternoon, looking after YOUR kid".

My inlaws on the other hand were clamouring to have ds overnight and would have had him every weekend if I let them! So I knew how different it could be.

I would never ask them again OP. No use trying to find a reason for it, you and your dh are where you are in the pecking order and they for some reason want to make sure you stay there.

Tbh I wouldnt have lied because I wouldn't have wanted my kids to stay where they were not wanted. I wouldnt have gone to the wedding.

inbetweener · 04/03/2011 15:05

soolooovely how many children do you have and what are their ages ?
Not that this has much bearing but I am pg with number 3 and cant remembe the last time i had a babysitter and was merely curious.
My parents are EXACTLY the same if its any consolation.

Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 15:07

My DH wouldn't have agreed to the pretending to have broken down thing or lying. He is so keen to please his parents (for some bizaar reason) that he just tries to do whatever they ask of him, whether it's reasonable or not.

I think they would have gone mental anyway.

OP posts:
rightpissedoff · 04/03/2011 15:08

I think it will be because the children don't "take" to them as much as their cousins, and you ILs are childish enough to be offended by it. I wonder if they ask for you when they are at the grandparents house. That was always enough to put my mil in a huff.

plupedantic · 04/03/2011 15:08

I hope they're not your DCs' guardians in your will, OP!

saffy85 · 04/03/2011 15:08

YANBU. At all.

In your position I wouldn't be posting on MN as I'd be on the run. Coz they would have met a very sticky end!

Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 15:09

inbetweener I have 2 and they are 2.5 and 5. Why are yours like it do you think? It seems so common.

OP posts:
Original poster
solooovely · 04/03/2011 15:10

There's a lot of talk of murder on here! Grin

OP posts:
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