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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mightly pissed of with this?

83 replies

FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:02

Am pregnant with DC4. We have three DS's. We have choosen not to find out the sex. We will be made up with either sex, and am not - contray to what everyone I meet seems to think - desperate for a girl. This will be our last baby.

Have just been to see IL's, when we were leaving I was handed a bag of brand new baby clothes. Told to get them out at home.

I'm home... it's full dresses, tights, and all things pink Hmm. IL's have made no secret of the fact they would like me to have a girl, (BIL has two boys, not having anymore) which is fine I can cope with that...but buying girls clothes before I've even popped?!

Might be pregnancy hormones, but this has really enraged me. Can't bring myself to call to say thanks. Am I being really ungrateful, or are they out of order?

OP posts:
Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:37

MusieB - are you my MIL?! "I do agree they are more fun to shop for than baby boys." In you're opinion, you mean?!

Thank you notnowbernard Smile can't wait to find out...haven't found out with any, it's what gets me through the labour!

OP posts:
Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:38

*your (you're, gah!)

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 04/03/2011 13:39

Indeed, that was my rationale as well. That final push... Grin

LionRock · 04/03/2011 13:41

You know them best - if you ignore the pink clothes, will the in-laws see this as you agreeing that it'll be a girl? Just wondering if putting a stop to it now might save more hassle later if they continue along the pink theme for the rest of your pregnancy.

shaz298 · 04/03/2011 13:42

If it's any consolation, when my mum went in to labour with me, my Papa, ( Dad's Dad) gave my mum a little boy doll, complete with boy bits and told her to bring one of them back.

Well they got mee ( 100% female) and not only did I have a fantastic relationship with my Papa, mum did too. He really was like a Dad to her.............it can all work out ok, although I do think it was a really cheeky thing to do.

Liked the ide of dressing your little boy (if you have one) up oin the girlie clothes for GPs. Not sure if it would have a lasting effect on his self esteem though :)

Balsam · 04/03/2011 13:46

I'd come straight out with it ' thank you so much for the clothes, they are so beautiful but why did you buy girls clothes? Do you know something I don't?'

Perfectly polite but will put them on the spot and show up their ridiculousness.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 04/03/2011 13:47

IIWY, i'd ask them to return them before the get your money back period runs out (unless as someone else said, they pinched them).
Very odd behaviour and rather rude.

Ephiny · 04/03/2011 13:51

What an odd thing to do, it's not as though you have any control over it, especially as you're already pregnant! It's quite rude as well IMO.

RevoltingPeasant · 04/03/2011 14:02

I'm not even a mum yet and this has pissed me off!!

But I think Balsam is right: be very polite but direct.

'Thanks so much for the clothes, how lovely, you shouldn't have! But we noticed they're definitely girl's clothes and if I have a boy I'm afraid they'll go to waste. Do you think it might be an idea to exchange them for something in white, which is a bit more neutral?'

Then they have to say, 'No, just keep them in case' OR come out with some loony remark about how they know it's a girl, which you can then legitimately freak out about :)

MadamDeathstare · 04/03/2011 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lemonmousse · 04/03/2011 14:35

Maybe they are trying to 'out' you into telling them what you're having as in "I bet she's found out and is not telling us" (even though you haven't!)

Not saying anything will confirm their belief that it 'must be a girl' - seriously wierd IMO! (them, I mean - not you!).

blackeyedsusan · 04/03/2011 14:57

hey? how come you get to "choose" the sex of the baby and the rest of us get given what we get?

Sorry my mistake, thought the pils knew something we didn't!

How strange!

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 15:45

Am now feeling guilty that I'm rejecting possible unborn DD

OP posts:
Blu · 04/03/2011 15:55

They are being mad.
Don't react to it because you will end up feeling that you are being disloyal to whatever baby you have.
You just get on with being pg to your baby and let the go their own loony way.
Say "thank you, the clothes are lovely - and in truth I'm not one to worry about boys in pink or girls in blue, so whatever we have, they'll be great" then v v quickly change the subject.

Dresses for newborns are mad anyway, IMO.

NotSoPukeyMum · 04/03/2011 15:56

I think you should dress the baby in the stuff they bought when they come for the first visit, regardless of which sex, just to see the looks on their faces [evil Grin]

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 15:58

Blu - you're right, even if I do have a DD she won't be wearing dresses till she's passed crawling Grin

OP posts:
ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 04/03/2011 16:05

I think I would have to say 'I know you are hoping for a Grandaughter, but you do actually realise that buying pink clothes wont actually make it happen don't you??' in a very worried tone of voice - followed by 'Fortunately DH and I don't mind if it's a boy or a girl - which is good given it's a 50/50 chance Grin' A little passive agressive but not confrontational... then 'They are lovely clothes (only if they are) and I'm sure they'll come in handy as gifts if we have a boy'.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 04/03/2011 16:07

Pre-crawling and post-crawling tights dresses and tights are lovely (if it's not too hot!! But fat chance for long in the UK!!).

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 04/03/2011 16:07

Of course you only need one pair of tights Blush

lazylula · 04/03/2011 16:12

I am pregnant with dc3 and have 2 ds'. we do not know what we are having and never found out with the boys either! Both my mum and mil have knitted been knitting for the baby and both have confessed to being bored with the nuetral colours and have knitted in pink, but also in blue so it doesn't bother me. I know deep down my mum is hoping for a girl as my children are the only full grandchildren she has, she has 3 step grandsons from my half sister, who are all grown up now and live a long way away and 2 step grandsons and a step grandaughter from my brother's wife, again all grown up. However I also know she will be happy with what ever I have and will treat them all the same.

MuddlingMackem · 04/03/2011 16:13

NotSoPukeyMum Fri 04-Mar-11 13:23:26

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 16:16

I know chipping....but if I keep them in babygrows until they are, say, 16yo, then they will stay a baby for longer and I will have no urge for DC5. Grin

OP posts:
MuddlingMackem · 04/03/2011 16:19

Blu Fri 04-Mar-11 15:55:39

Not if they're really terrible for wriggling on a changing mat like our dd was. She was so bad that I had to scrap my plan to put her in tops and trousers once she was born and hit ebay for a stock of dresses instead! The outfits she'd been given as gifts barely got worn. :( In fact, I met one mother of a similarly wriggling baby boy who was very envious of the fact that I had the dress option which was denied her due to gender norms. Grin

However, because she was almost always in dresses they were no hinderance at all once she started crawling.

activate · 04/03/2011 16:24

send them back to them

say if we do have a girl we will be delighted to accept, if we have a boy we will be delighted to accept the same amount of lovely boy clothes

starfishmummy · 04/03/2011 16:26

Well I would keep them and if it is a boy I'd hand them back for the PILS to change - of course it will probably be too late to get them changed or refunded by then so it will serve them right.

If it is a girl I'd keep them, but only put her in them if I liked them or for visiting MIL; if I hated then then they would go straight to charity!