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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mightly pissed of with this?

83 replies

FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:02

Am pregnant with DC4. We have three DS's. We have choosen not to find out the sex. We will be made up with either sex, and am not - contray to what everyone I meet seems to think - desperate for a girl. This will be our last baby.

Have just been to see IL's, when we were leaving I was handed a bag of brand new baby clothes. Told to get them out at home.

I'm home... it's full dresses, tights, and all things pink Hmm. IL's have made no secret of the fact they would like me to have a girl, (BIL has two boys, not having anymore) which is fine I can cope with that...but buying girls clothes before I've even popped?!

Might be pregnancy hormones, but this has really enraged me. Can't bring myself to call to say thanks. Am I being really ungrateful, or are they out of order?

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foreverondiet · 04/03/2011 13:17

OMG so so rude.

But don't fall out over - I would text, and say "thanks for the clothes, but we really don't know what we have having, will be useful new baby presents for my friends if its a boy".

And then get your DH to tell them that they really hurt your feelings. That way you come out of it good...

Longtalljosie · 04/03/2011 13:18

I'd give them back and say you're worried this will end up being a waste of money, advise them to return them and buy again once you know what the gender is.

I'm really gobsmacked by this. What were they thinking?!

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:18

I just can't see why anyone would do this. We would like you to have a girl, so not only will we constantly go on about it, we will buy girls clothes and give them to you prior to the birth, just so you know just how much we would like a girl. I mean - ffs!

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sevendwarves · 04/03/2011 13:19

YANBU. I hope you have a boy just to spite them.

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:19

It would be mad of them to have purchased them and kept them themselves until baby is born, but to actually give them to me?!

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BeautifulBlondePineapple · 04/03/2011 13:21

Very odd indeed. I would be hacked off with this too (I am mother of 2DSs & am currently pregnant with DC3. We have chosen not to find out as well and I couldn't give a monkeys if it's a boy or a girl).

I hate confrontations so I'm not sure I'd be able to mention it at all to them - much less phone & thank them! I'd probably just ignore it until the baby is born and they either say "Oh - how lucky that you bought those girly clothes!", or "Oh - what a shame that you bought those girly clothes!".

notnowbernard · 04/03/2011 13:22

I can totally relate to how you feel "protective" over your unborn DC

It's how I felt with DC3... I imagined that people suspected I would in some way be disappointed with a girl, and this made me feel very defensive and protective over my unborn baby

iamthere · 04/03/2011 13:22

I'd just bung it in the loft till you have the baby, then if it's a boy you can take it all back and get the cash :)

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 04/03/2011 13:23

I hate waste so would probably return the clothes and suggest something gener neutral whilst the clothes are still within a returns period.

I think if you have already told them you do not know (what sex) and if anything feel it may be a boy and they still go and do this I wouldn't worry about ofending them!

Many on here are far more 'grown up' than me but this would get under my skin.

NotSoPukeyMum · 04/03/2011 13:23

I am Shock about this.

That said, my MIL is making something for our new (to-be-born) baby's bedroom. We let MIL choose the fabric and when she showed it to me, it's blatantly for a boy. We already have a DD. We don't care either way what we have and won't be finding out before the birth. She's going to look daft if we have another DD!

Grin at kazmus - you beat me to it!

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:23

I'm definaltely not one for confrontation, especially with my IL's. However, if I don't ring and thank them, they will take offence...

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FourFortyFour · 04/03/2011 13:24

People will always be weird about baby's gender. We had comments about having more children as we already have both sexes ConfusedHmm.

wonka · 04/03/2011 13:26

Maybe they've bought them everytime you were pregnant.. and now they're just fed up and decided you're having them now no matter what the outcome is Grin

timeforachangearooney · 04/03/2011 13:27

how do you thank someone for something you don't even know if you will need....

nowt as strange as folk :)

solooovely · 04/03/2011 13:27

Are they usually so mental?

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:28

notnowbernard - I think that is why I feel so angry, I'm feeling protective of my unborn, and possibly protective of the gorgeous 3 DS's I already have...wondering if they were a dissapointment to them as well!

I must admit, Ebay sprang to mind as soon as I caught a glance of the pink.

The other thing is, I've always said how I love newborns in white (usually in response to "but you have to find out else you won't know which colour to buy"), I've never been one for head to toe blue (or pink), and they know this.

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DorisIsAPinkDragon · 04/03/2011 13:28

nb have 3 dd's and was constantly asked if I wanted a boy when I was carrying dd3 (I didn't I was 1 of 3 girls). But the suggestion that dd3 was somehow LESS for being a girl pah!!!

I don't think I could sit on my hands with this, and then see them after the birth and look them in the face. I think I would rather sort any iunpleasantness out now. i.e we REALLY DO NOT KNOW what we are having, If you are going to be in ANY WAY disappointed with not having a dgd please sort yourself out NOW before the birth.

Lawm01 · 04/03/2011 13:30

FF - I understand if you don't fancy confrontation.

But if you call to thank them and don't make any mention about the blatant gender-ness of the clothes, then you are storing up for probs if you have a DS.

By going along with their apparent preferences, they may read that you also want a girl. And then if you have a boy they will assume you are disappointed.
I think you have to nip this in the bud in some way - doesn't have to be a confrontation. Just a reminder that you don't yet know the sex and the clothes are a bit of an indication that they are hoping for a GD. Suggest that you're 'sure they don't mean that a GS will be a disappointment'.

In fact, I think this should be coming from your DH, he is better placed to tackle them about it (can't be accused of being hormonal) and would be able to weather a minor falling out if they took umbrage.

privategodfrey · 04/03/2011 13:30

Maybe they shoplifted them so don't have any receipts ...

Very odd thing to buy.

Ring and thank them and say "I hope you won't be too disappointed if I have a boy and give the clothes to someone else"

notnowbernard · 04/03/2011 13:31

Ok, this will make me sound weird - but even now I feel protective over the dd3 that might have been as I receive "Oh how wonderful that you got a DS" comments

I am beyond ecstatic that I have a DS, don't get me wrong - I am totally in love with him - but I would have felt that about a DD3 and I somehow feel that I need people to know that

I may still be hormonal Grin

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:31

wonka Grin

solooovely - no, never been mental just irritating occasionally

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Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:33

notnowbernard - nope - totally get it! I can imagine feeling the same if this is a DD! Actually almost welled up then at that thought

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MusieB · 04/03/2011 13:34

I think your MiL has been desperate to buy some baby girl clothes for ages and couldn't contain herself any longer. I do agree they are more fun to shop for than baby boys.
I know the potential waste of money is annoying, but I would just stick them in a cupboard, and they will come in very useful if you do have a girl. If you have a boy, as someone has suggested save them up to be presents for friends who have baby girls.
I would send your MiL a short note thanking her for the beautiful clothes and say no more about it.

notnowbernard · 04/03/2011 13:35

Oh well, don't let the buggers get you down Grin

Congratulations and good luck - how exciting, a 4th baby and not knowing the gender! So lovely that moment when you find out what you've got Smile

Original poster
FanellaFidget · 04/03/2011 13:35

Might ring them and say "thanks - but not sure how will look in a frilly skirt". I won't though cos I'm too much of a wimp

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