to get upset because husband says 'Actually you paid for it with my money' when I bought something for him

[peggy0062]

More than once when I go and buy a birthday or a father's day present he would say 'Actually you paid with my money'. It upsets me every time and yet he does not listen. It isn't as if I sit around all day! I have 3yo and 5yo and did not choose not to work. I just felt I need to moan.

Threads like this make me sad. DH earns, I don't (SAHM and OU student) but it is all OUR money - his wages, my child benefit etc.

We are hoping that soon I'll be able to work PT, and that money will be ours too, not just mine.

Anything big we want to spend is agreed as a couple, no matter whose account it comes out of!

That's very unfair OP. As a SAHM you are doing a valuable job.

He needs a wake up call. Lots of very good ideas on how to do that already, so won't reiterate. Good luck OP, he needs a good kick up the backside imo!

My DH, luckily, has never said anything like this - he knows he'd be sans bollocks before he could blink if he did! Your DH is being so unfair!

My DH di say on a few mother's day, when I was cardless and presentless (not even made by the children) and no breakfast in bed, lunch etc "But you're not my mother!" Bearing in mind my children were too small even to walk upstairs without supervision, how the hell did he expect them to organise anything??? I did get revenge the next father's day - invited my parents for lunch, ostentatiously gave my dad some lush presents and when DH sulkily asked where his were, I smiled sweetly and said "But you're not my father!". He never dared do it again!!!

If I were you I would inform DH that as you do not have your own money, you will be unable to buy him presents from now on. If he's happy with that, then fine. He should however have the common decency to realise that it is the thought that is put into a present that counts, NOT where the money comes from.

(Btw my Mum was a SAHM and still held the purse-strings. My dad used to 'steal' money from her purse to squirrel away in order to afford to buy her presents. That's the way to do it! Role reversal!)

Now that's the most excellent idea!!!!!

Lara, that's brilliant

He sounds moronic. (OPs man, not Lara's)

Both of your money. YANBU.

Excellent posts, HerBeX

I couldn't agree with you more.

I would tell him that as it is "his" money, you don't feel comfortable going out and spending "his" money. Tell him from now on, he will have to go out and buy everything-give him a long list- presents, food, snaitary towels, clothes for you and DC, magazines, petrol etc etc.

On the other hand if he would like to share the money, then you will be quite happy to spend it.

You are a household. You each have a role which has responsibilities. You have decided that he earns the money and you run the house and look after the children. The responsibilities belong to the household and so does the money. In a marriage mine and yours should be fairly meaningless.