to get upset because husband says 'Actually you paid for it with my money' when I bought something for him

[peggy0062]

More than once when I go and buy a birthday or a father's day present he would say 'Actually you paid with my money'. It upsets me every time and yet he does not listen. It isn't as if I sit around all day! I have 3yo and 5yo and did not choose not to work. I just felt I need to moan.

go get a job and his money can contribute to childcare

then with your wages buy him sweet fuck all as he is ungrateful

Bollocks to that ccppc or whatever combination of random bollocks letters. He only gets the reward for his labour because she gets none for hers. Couldn't just go to work and earn if he had to look after his own children or run the house, could he?

Its not delusion its called real life. How tragic yours must be if you have a husband like this.

go work/study stop being beholden to an ungrateful git.maybe study to prepare for when dc at school.then get yourself some independence and autonomy

YANBU. Next time it's his birthday suggest you buy him something from the £1 shop

He's an ungrateful twat and you should show him this thread.

Does he want you to be a SAHM or does he want you to go back to work?

more to the point,what do you want- sahm or work?
you dont need his permission to work, and given he is solvent he can contribute to the childcare if you work

Why should he contribute to the childcare? Why can't he just do it?

The the OP could sneer at him for not earning.

Because working in the cash economy is the only thing of any value.

I hope David Cameron is reading this, with his nonsense about getting us all to volunteer when we all know that doing soemthing for no money is valueless.

Yeah, I can remember buying DS a present and ex dh telling him that it was actually daddy that bought the present because it was his money that paid for it! I left him very soon afterwards. You need to seriously talk to him about this and let him know how it makes you feel.

she should work,then both financially contribute to childcare. if both work then both financially contribute to your own children childcare.she hardly seems happy with current situation,so would broaden her horizon and increase opportunities

Oh God, are there still women out there who accept this sort of crap?

If my DH ever dared forgot himself sufficiently to come out with what the OP's H did then, well, let's just say he wouldn't ever have done it twice.

She does work.

She brings up children.

The issue isn't whether she works in or outside the home, the issue is that the man she lives with doesn't respect her work.

Going out to work doesn't solve the basic problem of his lack of respect. It just papers over it.

no sahm isnt work as in employment,its tasks.and nub of this is perhaps her dissatisfaction at him and being sahp. so go get hob or study,make provision for when dc at school.earn your own money

So when a childminder looks after a child and gets paid for it, it's not work then?

Funny that, maybe we should stop paying childminders, nursery workers and nannies and see what happens.

It's work. It's only because women do it for free, that anyone can assert that it is not work. As soon as they start charging for it, it magically becomes work.

You may have noticed that in one instance they are you own children, and in another you are paid to be a professional with rules and regulations.

It might be work, but it's not work, and I think you know that. In the home, its work they need to be equally responsible for even if the actual distribution of labour is not equal.

childminders are registered with LA and inspected to met stringent legal criteria

sahp is not subject to such regulation

childminder has to adhere to specific rules.parents do not

cannot compare childminder to parent at all.

childminder is self employed for profit. childminder charge and pay NI,taxes back to state

sahp is private personal arrangement,not for usually profit

But childminders weren't always subject to stringent regulations.

40 years ago, anyone could set themselves up as a childminder.

And it was still called work.

And cleaners are paid, and it's called work.

It's only when women do it for nothign, that it's sunddenly not work anymore

But the activity is exactly the same.

And if you don't call it work, you collude in the disrespect that men show women, by telling them that they're not working and they're not worth anything, when what we are doing, is keeping the fucking world going. Because if we didn't do all this unpaid work, men would have to do more of it.

And you can bet your sweet life that the nonsense about it not being work, would cease, because men were doing it. So it would become visible and respected.

So the solution is, become a childminder and send your children to a childminder, then you are both working and earning and paying tax. But no money left over.

Unless thr DH pays for the childminder

xposts. Could be a cleaner at weekends and pay a cleaner to do your cleaning, while DH does the childcare.

If I'm a childminder, I can't lie on the couch eating chocolates while my children are feral elsewhere. Work, as in exchanging your labour for money is not the same thing as staying at home with your own children.

Neither is more important or valuable than the other, but its not the same thing.

More and more men are SAHDs and what they do isn't classed as anything different to what a SAHM does.

Ah that's where we differ on our definition of work then.

If you see work as purely something that is done in exchange for money, then I can understand why you wouldn't call childcare or cleaning work if someone doesn't get paid for it.

But in most languages, including English, the word for work has never just referred to paid activity. It is only in the last century or so, that that assumption has been current.

Haha, we both work now but I earn half what dh earns and am part time since dd was born. When I was on maternity I made it clear his money was mine and he should be honoured to be with me. It's a bit tongue in cheek but luckily he agrees that being a mum is hard work and so it is our money.

If dh behaved that way, he wouldn't get a present. Simple. I am pretty high maintenance as wives go but I make everything very clear as to where I stand on things so there's no problem with dh second guessing what I'm thinking.

I must be in a minority on here as I don't think looking after children is hard work it's actually enjoyable. Sure beats working in an office.

You 're right Youll it is enjoyable......right up to the point that someone deems it's not work because it is unpaid.Do you know I think we are on the brink of discovering just how much work gets done in the UK that goes unpaid but is VALUABLE and NECESSARY - because it is vanishing fast. At my children's school we have a shortage of walking bus volunteers, forest school volunteers, reading buddies and parents available for school trips in the last 2 years because most of the parents who would have been around to do this now have to take on paid work. This is just one school.