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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think our society/culture does not support bf...

96 replies

Kippersontoast · 01/03/2011 10:38

...and this is the main reason for a lot of women being unable to do it?

In my nct class we were told that you were only unable to breast feed if your breasts were damaged or you have an underlying medical condition. I am astonished at the amount of women on this and other forums who say that they didn't produce enough milk to feed their babies. Do all these women have damaged breasts or medical problems?

Anyway, it got me thinking after visiting my Hindi neighbour who had a baby two weeks ago and is overrun with support from her huge family. She stays in bed all day feeding and sleeping, is brought food and has nothing to worry about except establishing bf.

This simply doesn't happen in the western culture. Most of my friends had very little or no support from their family and were expected to just get on with it as well as looking after their other dc's, cleaning, laundry cooking etc. Needless to say, bf fell by the wayside because they couldn't just loll in bed all day.

I know some women really struggle with bf and I'm sure that if the conditions were right eg more support to enable them to do nothing but bf, a lot more women would be able to do it.

Aibu or is it just the way things are when families don't rally round?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 01/03/2011 11:29

I've never felt judged for FF any of my kids. I don't give a shiny shite what other people feed theirs so I wouldn't let anyone try to judge me.

I know way too many BF and FF children who are stuffed full of junk food and clinically obese. So the idea of people spouting about BF/FF just makes me laugh.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 01/03/2011 11:51

Up until about 100 years ago women has a lying in period where all they did was stay in bed, recover and feed the baby, just like Kipper's Hindu lady.
But families back then were physically closer, you had your mum, sisters, cousins on your doorstep all bfing around you. That just doesn't happen these days.
I think a lot of bfing promotion is pointless and all it does is makes people feel defensive or guilty about not breastfeeding. I'd rather the money was spent on help the women who want to breastfeed.
We are very privileged in our society that women who can't or don't wish to bf have access to a safe alternative, i.e. formula which provides adequate nutrition for babies. Yes it comes with risks but we live in a county where generally we have access to free excellent health care, for the tiny percentage of cases where formula is detrimental.

That said, I still think it is very wrong that breastfeeding is see as weird or unusual by many people, due to the sexualisation of women's breasts, and that many bfing woman are still made to feel uncomfortable for feeding their child.

rollinginthedeep · 01/03/2011 12:12

I was born and raised in Zimbabwe where breastfeeding is the normal thing to do. I suppose it is because its easily accessible as it is free. Women will happily feed in public.

I came to the UK 10 years ago and had my first baby here 7 years ago. My midwife asked me how I planned to feed and she seemed that I said I would breastfeed without flinching. I breastfed my DS for 7 months and my DD for 6 months. My mum was shocked that I stopped so early because back home, people are encouraged and will breastfeed until 18months. I stopped because I had reoccuring mastitis.

To be honest, I was a bit shocked with some of the attitudes I saw about breastfeeding. I felt that most people seem to sexualise the breasts. I think that because over here, you have an easily accessible alternative in bottle feeding, women are lucky to have choice and will happily grab it!

Rannaldini · 01/03/2011 12:15

it certainly supports lots of threads about breast feeding

Piggyleroux · 01/03/2011 12:19

The sad thing is is that once you've got the hang of it, bf is just so damn easy. No sterilising, it's free, can do it anywhere, anytime. The lists endless.

lesley33 · 01/03/2011 12:36

I'm not sure. But its important to remember that families in cultures who provide the level of support you talk about, also tend to get very involved in giving their opinion, etc, about other aspects of child rearing. You rarely get one without the other.

And in these cultures it would be thought wrong to think as mum and dad " my child, my rules". The whole family would have some involvement.

lesley33 · 01/03/2011 12:37

Just to say as well I had my 4 when you still stayed in hospital for 3-4 days, so I wasn't rushing around looking after the house. Didn't make breast feeding any easier.

NinkyNonker · 01/03/2011 12:42

Yanbu.

Bramshott · 01/03/2011 12:49

I definitely think we could do more to 'normalise' it. I was reading a book to DD2 last night, in which one of the characters had a baby sister, and in one of the pics, the mother was sitting down bf her as normal family life went on around her. I was struck by actually how uncommon that is to see in a book and think it would be great to see it more.

weirdbird · 01/03/2011 12:56

What book was it Bramshott?, am so fed up all everything protraying bottle feeding

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/03/2011 12:56

Why don't people just keep their beaks out of how other women choose to feed their children? It astonishes me, it really does. This seems just another thread to stir up what is and isn't acceptable, namely BF is everything rah rah rah...

I don't believe that BF babies have any greater advantage than FF babies. Formula has been designed to replicate breast milk and contains everything a baby needs.

I wonder about 'support', that much used term. Why would a BFing mother need it more than a FFing one? Either way, when you're engaged in the act of feeding your child it's not as if you can physically do something else at the same time, is it?

It's true... men could never show as much disdain as women do for each other. Perhaps we are the weaker sex after all...

FellatioNelson · 01/03/2011 13:01

YABU. Our culture bends over backwards and climbs up its own arse to support and accommodate breast feeding. It also supports freedom of choice, and refuses to lambast or punish people who FF, whether through choice or circumstance. That's all.

JeremyVile · 01/03/2011 13:04

Lying - this thread has been fairly tame considering the subject.

Probably wont be now thought, well done!

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2011 13:14

Just on books: "Little Brother and the Cough" is one we read to DS when he was having his little sister. It's about a toddler's jealousy when the new baby comes along, and is aimed at 2-3 year olds. It shows the baby being breastfed.
And it is brilliant - that is one of the ones I am going to keep!

GMajor7 · 01/03/2011 13:22

Aw Lying I was enjoying lurking on what was a very dignified and controlled thread, considering the topic.

Your comment about formula being akin to breastmilk is total codswallop btw.

Bramshott · 01/03/2011 13:30

wierdbird - it's called "Ivy loves to Give". The bf is not really part of the story, but co-incidental to it IYSWIM, which is why I liked it so much!

Balsam · 01/03/2011 13:31

I've breastfed two children and I don't think our society is unsupportive. The hospitals and midwives are crazy for it, what with all the guilt-inducing posters in the maternity wards and the midwives' refusal to talk about formula or bottles. There are baby feeding rooms in lots of shops and other places.

The only time I've noticed a different attitude is from the older generation - my mum and grandmother seemed to think breastfeeding is a bit weird and didn't really get it. They never said anything though, just the impression I got.

So I think if there is anything, it's a generational thing.

I also think there isn't enough warning for new mothers that it might be hard so they are unprepared and it comes as a shock.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 01/03/2011 13:31

I'm afraid all Lying has proved is that years of aggressive and underhand marketing by formula companies has worked, if she honestly believes the highly processed milk of a cow is anything like breastmilk.

And Fellatio - if that were true there wouldn't be so much discussion and debate about breastfeeding. It is because it is so marginalised by society and the media that it keeps being discussed - people would just get on with it! And there wouldn't be so many people who ff who complain they feel are made to feel guilty, or people who bf made to feel like they are a freak!

nailak · 01/03/2011 13:33

my dd1 never latched on, i stayed in the hospital for 3 days and she wouldnt feed, i asked to express but they said no coz my brand new pump wasnt sterilised, and then they got the ha to bottle feed her

MyleneKlass · 01/03/2011 13:35

rollinginthedeep when I had DD1 I had never in real life properly seen a woman breast feed a baby which is really sad.

After a home birth, the next morning I sat up in bed with baby in my arms and a leaflet propped up on my knees .

In the end it worked but I can think of nothing else in life I have attempted in such a way.

I imagine that given this form of instruction most of us would fail to swim, ride a bike, etc, etc

MyleneKlass · 01/03/2011 13:38

Despite having breast fed both my DDs for nearly a year both fed their baby dolls with a bottle which makes me a bit that they think that's normal.

rollinginthedeep · 01/03/2011 13:42

Mylene

Its difficult for a lot of women yes! I just never thought of FF because I grew up around BF. Some women breastfeed on the bus and nobody cares!

It's all to do with availability of an alternative and the freedon to choose.

Cleofartra · 01/03/2011 13:43

"I don't believe that BF babies have any greater advantage than FF babies"

But the medical establishment does, which is why breastfeeding is promoted by the NHS.

MissyKLo · 01/03/2011 13:45

Lyingwitch

Formula does not in any way shape or form replicate breast milk! That is such a misconception

Formula will give a baby the means to nit starve

Bf truly enhances a child and provides antibodies and nurients that formula will never be able to give

It is up to the individual to give their baby formula but I so wish people would not try to compare formula to breast milk - formula can never match breast milk

I am also sooooo - at how many women say they didn't have enough milk - of course this happens but it is rare and needs to be diagnosed but so many women use this as a reason for stopping bf when perseverance would have made all the difference. And using this as an excuse really takes away from women with genuine milk supply problems.

Cleofartra · 01/03/2011 13:49

But MissyKlo - many women don't have enough milk, because of badly managed breastfeeding, early formula supplementation and insufficient suckling time in the days and weeks after birth.

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