To Think A Teacher Should Be Able To Control a 4 Year Old?

[midori1999]

Maybe control is not quite the right word, but...

My friend's DS is 4. He is also extremely clever. My friend finds him a little difficult at home, but nothing exceptional. I've looked after him a bit and he is determined, but nothing outrageous.

Today he was sent home 'on report' with a letter from his teacher asking my friend to give him a 2 minute time out when he got home and also to replace a rubber he damaged during school time. Last week my friend was asked to go in to the school to give her son a time out for behaviour the previous day as the teacher had been unable to give him a time out at the time of the behaviour. From what I can gather there have been a few other letter home about behaviour.

Is this really normal procedure in schools now or is this an unusual way of dealing with things?

AIBU to think a teacher should easily be able to 'outsmart' a 4 year old and get him to behave?

Don't they send them to the headteacher's office?

That's what happens at my DD's school. Then the teacher can carry on teaching.

OP -

The other take on your OP is that the teacher is inviting your friend in to do time out so that she can see how your friend handles it.

You may see a certain behaviour, the teacher may see another. Is it possible that he is actually highly disrputive in the classroom and the teacher wants to see if this is as a result of little/ no discipline in the home environment?

I know that if there was a disciplinary issue with another child in my DC's class, I would be miffed to know the teacher had spent the majority of the day dealing with it as opposed to teaching the other children.

Your friend does not always have him in control does she. Sounds naughty to me and needs to know his behaviour will not be tolerated.

Yabu that you think his behaviour at home and at school must be the same. As someone said one person's intelligent and smart is another one's back chatting pain in the bum.

School is unreasonable to dictate the punishment at home though.

There is always a couple of children who misbehave to monopolise adult attention. Could your friend's boy be doing it on purpose?

"A little difficult" "determined" these are all phrases along with "boisterous" and "energetic" that usually mean the child in question is a PITA.

I think that it isuch harder for teacher's to discipline kids as they can't take away treats like tv/x box etc and can't grab or physically move kids away from inflammatory situations the way that parents can.

There are lots of ways of managing a child's behaviour in class without expecting the parent to discipline the child hours after the event. Frankly that's just utterly pointless. A consequences/discipline has to be immediate and has to fit the crime so punishing a 4 year old hours later is not going to mean a thing to that child.

Having done the 'walk of shame' many times with my son (later diagnosed with ADHD) there are many strategies a teacher can use but rewards/charts generally work better for most young children than punishment. Reward the good/ignore (if appropriately) the not so great. Does he respond to stickers for good behaviour?

In my son's school if a child consistently misbehaves then he or she is either taken to sit it out in reception, taken to the head or taken to a different class for cooling off time.

Additionally if the teacher has concerns that he or she should have access to the LA's Behaviour Support team who can come in, assess the child and his behaviour and develop strategies in order to help the teacher better manage behaviour.

I'm not saying that parents shouldn't be involved in discussions about behaviour - of course they should - but by the same token that your friend presumably doesn't expect school to discipline him for poor behaviour at home then neither should school expect mum to discipline him at home for something that happened in school.

There's a book called The Explosive Child - by Ross Greene - which can help your friend and school with strategies for managing difficult behaviour.

His behaviour needs managing. That means that the parent and teacher should be in agreement as to what methods they should both be using, and make sure that there is consistency!
If this was in my dd's school then the ta would help manage his behaviour, or he would be sent to the ht's office to be dealt with by the ht or the deputy ht.

If he has never been told no and has not been taught appropriate behaviour then involving him in making a list of rules (with pictures), would be a good start.

It's not about control though, is it?

Controlling bad behaviour isn't the same as challenging it and teaching better bahaviour.

Thirty years ago, yes, a teacher could have controlled this sort of child. Nowadays they have virtually no way to deal with bad behaviour. Why should one child make itself the centre of attention and be a nuisance and ruin the day for the rest of the class?

There is clearly something lacking in his parents discipline methods if he is behaving like this at school.

If the teacher is not calling other mums in as well then you can safely assume your friends son is the worst in the class, and therefore his behaviour is worse than average.

Asking a parent to reinforce the discipline messages given at school is a great idea, both to tell the child what is what and also to include the parent. When I was at school parents were automatically told of misdemeanors, and you bet we were 'suitably' punished at home.

Not sure on method.

Teachers should not have to control 4 year old children.

They should be able to get on with their job.

YABU in this respect.

However, I am a bit with respect to time out at home.

I'm a teacher (secondary though) and regularly call home to ask 'for support' in emphasising that certain behaviour is inappropriate. I would never tell a parent what punishment to put in place, but I do think it's important to communicate between school and home. I see the pupils I teach for a few hours per week; their parents see them every day. A united front is important.

If this teacher is calling home it doesn't necessarily mean she 'can't control' 4-year-olds, it could mean that this particular 4-year-old is disrupting others and that the teacher feels that parental support could help overcome this.

Have you actually been into class and seen how the child behaves? Because at the moment all your information is coming from the mother who, quite frankly, isn't exactly unbiased on this matter. You have no idea whether this child's behaviour differs in school, as many children's do.

I think this is a matter for the parent and school to handle.

My 4 year old is academically average but very clear on the behavioural expectations set by his school and home.

If my child misbehaves I would expect the teacher to deal with it there and then, and then for the teacher to tell me (unless very minor) so I can reinforce the message at home. I wouldn't expect them to TELL me to deal with in a certain way after the event because they weren't able to deal with it in the classroom. If the misbehaviour was repeated I'd also expect a proper discussion about potential reasons for it and to agree a strategy for dealing with it across home and school.

LeQueen "The teacher is there to teach your child academic skills not teach them to be polite, respectful of others and how to sit still for a while and obey simple rules and regulations."

Actually I don't think that's true. Part of the early years curriculum is social development and I think that applies in Reception class. Also, a lot of early years teaching now is a focus on child-led play so the children don't learn as much about structure in the classroom during preschool.

Maybe this should become the norm. Parents called in during the day if bad behaviour persists. Teachers get on with teaching. Everybody wins.

Not sure about the time-out thing. Maybe mis-reported by the mum? Sounds strange.

YABVU
There is a world of difference between dealing with a child one on one in the home setting and the horrible situation of a disruptive child affecting the learning, behaviour and well-being of a whole class of 30.
If a teacher was able to deal with a child one on one, and ignore the other 29 children then that would be a different matter.
It is your friend's responsibility to support the school and encourage her child to behave in this environment for the sake of the child and all the others in the class.