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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel utterly cheated by this man on plenty of fish?

65 replies

theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 01:18

I only recently joined up, got chatting to this guy, 6 years older than me, cardiac nurse, not Johnny Depp hot but pretty damn cute.

So we arranged a date, I get there, don't spot him, then he approaches me. He admitted the photo was 7 years old and he's since gained 4 stone and gone bald. There was no physical attraction t all so it was never going to go anywhere.

I just don't understand why he wasted both of our time? Then i think is it me being shallow?
But I don't think so. I was in a very long relationship, I want to go on dates, flirt have fun and can only do that with someone physically attractive.

Is this normal, d lots do the same?

OP posts:
privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 01:22

Next time ask for a picture of them holding todays newspaper, that'll sort out the wheat from the chaff.

I think this probably happens quite a bit. Not necessarily pictures that are years old but you would certainly post the most flattering picture you can find.

earwicga · 27/02/2011 01:23

LOL! What an idiot to put up a photo 7 years old. I'm sorry it was a wasted evening, but at least you it got you out I suppose. I think you are being honest, not really shallow. Everybody has a different idea of what consists of 'physically attractive'.

I met up with a bloke whose bodytype was very different to what I had expected - only face shots in the profile - but because we had chatted so much online before meeting it didn't seem to make a huge difference.

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 01:25

Is plenty of fish a free site? They tend to attract the more dubious characters who arent averse to lying on their profiles. I know a few friends who have used eHarmony with great success.

igetmorelovefromthecat · 27/02/2011 01:26

I met my ex on POF...he turned out to be a complete nutcase who freaked out on me after 9 months and left, subsequently stalking me and making my life absolute hell for a long time afterwards. He seemed pretty normal when I first met him and we got on really well at first.

Not saying that all blokes you meet online will be like that but it certainly put me off ever dating online again. It's too dodgy as people can make themselves out to be whatever they want to be. And before you think 'oh, but I'm a good judge of character', well, I thought that too.

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 01:26

He had completely changed, and if I'm honest he had serious ishoos which would have made me run away hot or not...

He had said he was still on great terms with his ex, he has shared custody etc. He didn't tell me he was obviously still deeply in love with her and his face and body were ravished after 4 years of pining for her, ho hum...

plenty more....

OP posts:
Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 01:27

That's scary igetmorelovefromthecat!

I've just joined Guardian soulmates....

OP posts:
MogadoredMemoo · 27/02/2011 01:37

Yanbu!

I met a man on a dating site once. He is now my husband and I'm am lying here listening to him snoring! Bastard never said he snored on his profile Grin

iscream · 27/02/2011 01:42

He was very misleading and dishonest, and that in itself would be a turn off. Honesty is very important to me personally.

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 01:55

My thoughts precisely iscream, if he was hiding something with his pictures, what else was he hiding?

I've just been asked on a date by a very good looking 22 year old, I might do it , just for the fun!

OP posts:
FudgeGirl · 27/02/2011 02:29

My DP's pics were very accurate (on eBay, no less) but he was actually even more lovely than I was expecting in the flesh when we met for the first time :) We've now got a house together, we're engaged and he's snoring upstairs.

But I can see why you are pissed off, YANBU.

Could you give him a chance if you've got on so well over the net? I admit that I'd already fallen for DP over the phone and online before we even clapped eyes on each other - maybe you need to leave it a little longer in future so any initial disappointment about appearances isn't such a big deal?

BunnyLebowski · 27/02/2011 02:32

Fudge You won your DP on Ebay????? Wink

OP - Without wanting to sound harsh it's Plenty of Fish FFS. If you want a better calibre of man try a better dating site.

FudgeGirl · 27/02/2011 02:34

Yes Bunny, I won him on eBay :)

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 02:56

I had no idea, honestly. Never done online dating before and hat was the one I'd heard of.

I can't really meet people through friends as all my friends are also ex's :(

OP posts:
iscream · 27/02/2011 04:10

I googled "best dating site" and got a list. Perhaps check out the top ones, I have heard eharmony was good. www.topdatingpicks.com/
I know many people who used plenty of fish, but usually they didn't meet a Mr/Ms wonderful.
My friend got scammed and arrested because of a guy she met there,(and her own bad judgment) luckily the charges were dropped. (he sent her a third party check to cash, she was supposed cash it, then take some out and buy a used car and mail the rest back to him in France, he was going to come visit and use the car while he was here...supposedly) and she did, why I do NOT know!)

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 13:33

Thats awful iscream, but really that was her own silly fault!

I'm meeting a guy from there tomorrow, he has a picture that is from 2011 new year and we are just meeting for coffee to see how things go....

eharmony looks good actually, I've only paid for a month with guardian soulmates as it's quite expensive and if the men on there re anything like the ones on comment is free I'll be running pretty fast haha.

OP posts:
ohboob · 27/02/2011 13:44

I also met someone last night who is in fact 6 years older than his profile pic. I caught a glimpse of his as I parked and went 'OH SHIT.' He was much older and seemed very large. I sat in my car for a good 5 minutes feeling like I wanted to drive off. Then I met him, and he didn't look much older close up and wasn't as rotund as he first appeared Wink. He was lovely!! We have a ridiculous amount in common. The only thing is he still shares a house with others at 40, earns a very low wage indeed with no sign of that improving (that wouldn't bother me in the least except that I'm on peanuts myself and also have no chance of there being more in the future and I don't want to spend my life being that poor) and has only ever had one relationship that lasted 2 years. He only had his first girlfriend at 35 which I couldn't understand as he was gorgeous. I think he's just very shy. So all of the above makes me think I must think very carefully before seeing him again.

Internet dating is hard. But I have recently met 2 other extremely eligible guys. They are out there. I think you just need to go on a paying site.

ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 14:43

oooh god, I've done the initial sign up to guardian soulmates, but am too blimmin skint to pay the subscription fees. theycallmeher, how many months did you sign up for?

have to confess I've used a photo that's a year old, and I am a bit fatter than I was, but I figure my weight will be back to where it was before I actually pay any money out and go on a date.......

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 27/02/2011 15:56

If guardian soulmates is still like it was when I was on it, then it's free to set up your profile and receive messages (& send stock one liner replies); you only have to subscribe when someone contacts you that you like the look of! I found it to be a really good site, and met a couple of really nice guys. I'm still in touch with one as a friend, and I've been in a relationship with the other ever since - six years. Smile

HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 16:00

perhaps he knew you wouldn't give him a chance if you knew what he looked like, so he was hoping you'd like his personality (as far as you can via emails etc) and give him a chance?

ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 16:07

It's bloody pricey though. I'm waiting to get paid so I can subscribe, as there is a really lovely sounding guy who emailed me immediately. Eeek. what if he's snapped up before I get a chance?

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 16:10

But is that an acceptable thing to do? I understand everyone is trying to make the best impression, and had he just been slightly overweight, no t a problem. Fact is he looked like a completely different person.

And so I'd worry what else he hadn't told me about iyswim?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 27/02/2011 16:12

I'm not saying it was the right thing to do, but maybe he's really lonely and a really nice guy but nobody can see past the extra weight.

ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 16:13

it's a weighty issue.

ladyfirenze · 27/02/2011 16:14

seriously though, I am quite a judgeypants about weight even though I'm a bit porky

and then there's the fibbing.....

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 16:14

boom boom....

OP posts: