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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel utterly cheated by this man on plenty of fish?

65 replies

theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 01:18

I only recently joined up, got chatting to this guy, 6 years older than me, cardiac nurse, not Johnny Depp hot but pretty damn cute.

So we arranged a date, I get there, don't spot him, then he approaches me. He admitted the photo was 7 years old and he's since gained 4 stone and gone bald. There was no physical attraction t all so it was never going to go anywhere.

I just don't understand why he wasted both of our time? Then i think is it me being shallow?
But I don't think so. I was in a very long relationship, I want to go on dates, flirt have fun and can only do that with someone physically attractive.

Is this normal, d lots do the same?

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 27/02/2011 16:16

Could we please put 'dating site' in all future threads about this. I just clicked on this wondering how the man cheated you out of fish. And it's the second time I've done it today.

BooBooGlass · 27/02/2011 16:18

It may be shallow, but if he's bothered enough about hte extra weight to post a picture of him at four stone lighter then maybe he should lose it and then try dating. I met my dp on POF and made sure my pics were nice but also truthful. I have a friend also on POF, but her pictures sound the same at least 3 years old, and at least 3 stone lighter. She says she can see the disappointment when they meet her, so why she just doesn't put up more accurate pictures I don't know Hmm It would pee me off no end to be misled like that

FutureNannyOgg · 27/02/2011 16:52

Reminded me of this www.drunkduck.com/Mutant_Batchelors/index.php?p=528481

I had that once, I felt shallow and dated him for a couple of months, turned out it was him who was incredibly shallow (which of course was why he did it)

tallulahxhunny · 27/02/2011 17:06

I met my guy on ebay too, we are engaged and have been together 5 years now

hardhatdonned · 27/02/2011 17:08

I met my man on facebook he's sane enough :)

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 27/02/2011 19:49

How do you meet people on ebay or facebook!?

OP posts:
Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 10:41

He just got weirder, he's been texting quite flirtatiously even though I made it very clear we could be friendly but nothing else would happen.

He's now texted me about medical things there is no way he can know about. Surely even as a paramedic his access to NHS databases is limited, much like police are only allowed to view relevant records?

OP posts:
solooovely · 28/02/2011 11:41

What he's text you with YOUR medical info?

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 11:47

Yep.It's not something we discussed, I know that for a fact.

OP posts:
solooovely · 28/02/2011 11:49

Could he have found it out on the internet (facebook?). Have you asked him how he knew this?

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 11:50

In the same text he told me my old address, and when I replied with a how the hell do you know that, I don't even live there anymore he texted 'damn these out of date systems'

OP posts:
Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 11:50

No way he found it online.

OP posts:
Niceguy2 · 28/02/2011 11:50

Back when I used dating sites, I used to laugh whenever I saw a woman's photo which was obviously from a long time ago. Sometimes you could tell from the timestamp on the photo!

To a certain extent, people always exaggerate on their profile but 7 years is taking the piss.

That said, I did meet a lady once who was a veteran of POF. Some of the stories she told me were hilarious. The ones which stuck in my head was the guy who looked NOTHING like his photo. When he introduced himself she went "Erm....but you were white in your photo. You are erm.....black". Apparently he found he got a better response rate if he used a photo of a white man! Shock

And the one who took her for a date to a pasty shop but didnt have enough money so had to borrow it from her. Then later asked if she could lend him the bus fare home!

I don't think either got a second date!

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 11:51

But of course he probably could have found my old address online, I'm aware of that.

OP posts:
Themumsnot · 28/02/2011 11:53

That is extremely worrying. Keep those texts. Do you know who his employer is?

Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 11:54

niceguy that is just hilarious, but quite sad too.

OP posts:
Original poster
theyCallMeHer · 28/02/2011 11:54

Yes he works for the local NHS trust.

OP posts:
solooovely · 28/02/2011 11:57

That is worrying. Yeah I think there are ways to find out peoples addresses online but not sure how seeing as I'm not a stalker!

I'd be worried generally about why he would be looking this stuff up as it's creepy and . . . well . . . stalkerish.

As for the medical info, ask him where he got it. I would consider reporting him if I were you but see what he says first.

iscream · 28/02/2011 11:58

He is either googling you, or using work records or both. Hmmm, worrying.

iscream · 28/02/2011 11:59

Google him, see what you find.

zipzap · 28/02/2011 12:02

hmm. If somebody was sending me texts about my personal confidential medical info that I knew I hadn't discussed with them, I would be straight on the phone to their bosses to say that this person had been accessing medical records that they had no right to and try to get a stop put to it straight away.

maybe give him a warning you are going to do it or just do it anyway as it could have quite serious ramifications for him but he could be doing it to all sorts of people, not just you and really shouldn't be.

sounds very scary and stalker-ish to be sending you stuff like this at all, let alone after a single date, especially if it looks like there is not going to be another date. how long until he has your correct address and is sitting outside to say hello to you?

Don't think I'd even want to be friendly with him after this, although not sure how you tell him nicely if he is sending you texts like this.

AyeRobot · 28/02/2011 12:11

Freak!

Get in touch with his employers. He is waaay over the line for just a warning from you.

melikalikimaka · 28/02/2011 12:24

I thought 'plenty of fish' meant he was loaded!

Yes, he is a fraud putting a seven year old pic on, but don't judge a book by its cover. He could be a lovely person, potentially a wonderful relationship passed by. Wink

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 12:39

YANBU

But I feel sorry for him. Perhaps he can't get a fair crack of the whip because of the extra weight/baldy heed. Perhaps he felt like the only way to get a date was to put up an old picture. But then he must expect this to happen when he is falsely advertising. :)

I would ask him to refund my bus fare home though.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 12:43

Eeeeeek, just saw the thing about medical details.

Text him back now telling him to never contact you again. Weirdo.