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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for wanting to split wid DP

78 replies

Thay · 26/02/2011 23:29

because he is always making the same mistakes,desrespecting me,always comes home and sleeps until 10pm and goes out night time and leave me wid our 3months son.
I mean, im 21 years old,im always working and dont even get to see my son,while he works like 10 hrs a week and whenever im home he just goes out and come back late wid sum stupid excuse,then if i get upset,he says that im treating him bad,LIKE I SHOULD COME Understanding and calm,asking wots wrong babe,y did u came so late??
God Knws i dont have no one in my life,to count on if i leave him,as iam not frm the uk,but i just cant take it anymore.
Am i being selfish?am i wrong?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 26/02/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spero · 26/02/2011 23:35

You are not being selfish or wrong to want some support from the father of your child.

How old is he? I don't want to sound like a patronising old gimmer but you both sound very young. His attitude is like a young single man's. Not compatible with family life. Either he shapes up or you have to think seriously about your next steps. You have a child together, you have to be able to talk to one another, if you can't it doesn't bode at all well for any of you.

You say you are not from the UK. Where is your family? Do you have friends/any kind of support here? Anyone you can lean on now?

I am also sorry to say but the 'wids' and 'sums' are making me wince. Once you have a child, you have to grow up. I don't mean that as nastily as it sounds but I don't think teenspeak is compatible with being a parent. Old gimmer alert.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 23:36

I don't think you're being selfish, you sound like you're struggling.

Have you talked to him about how you feel?

If you have, how did he react?

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 23:38

Awww she's alright spero, better she gets what she's got to say off her chest, however she writes it.

Original poster
Thay · 26/02/2011 23:40

he is 25, im sorry about the spelling is only because i had to write really quick.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:41

What ZigZag said. It's no good pulling a young Mother up on her grammar and writing techniques when she's come her for advice.

Listen Thay...I'm sorry you're having a hard time...is your DP good wth the baby whe he does send tme with him?

Spero · 26/02/2011 23:41

Yes, yes, I know Agent Zigzag, I don't want people to feel they can't have a voice because they dont communicate in perfect English, but communicating in that way is going to rile quite a lot of people, and why make life more difficult than it needs to be?

Original poster
Thay · 26/02/2011 23:42

No, my family isnt around they live in abroad,and i dont have many friends here,as DP is always been too jealous.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:42

He's ol enough to be a better partner then! Is he looking for more work? How can he afford to go out all the time o 10 hours worth of wages?

Spero · 26/02/2011 23:43

SeeJane - she has come here for advice. My advice is to grow up and take responsibility. The way you communicate is part of that. Sorry if that sounds harsh but there is baby involved in this with two parents who sound as if they are about 16 years old.

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:43

Spero if people are "riled" by th OPs language they can go on another thread.

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:44

Thay...do you have any friends? Go to any baby groups?

Original poster
Thay · 26/02/2011 23:45

Im not offended by u saying i wrote something like a teen,matter fact i learn english on my own in less than 2 years im doing alright.The question is not that.
He is quite a good lad,he would look after my son and help out when he can.But when it comes to me,i think there is no chemistry anymore..i dnt knw.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 26/02/2011 23:46

Spero
She has said that she is not from UK. I don't think that her spelling is the most important thing right now.

Thay
It does not sound like you are getting much out of your relationship with your DP.

What is your legal situation? Are you from EU? Can you stay in UK if you split and do you want to?

Spero · 26/02/2011 23:46

Indeed they can SeeJane. But will she communicate in this way with teachers, HV, doctors etc, etc? I would judge her if she did.

But anyway, pointless divergence. Just something to think about for future.

Thay, this sounds like a really bad situation. He is 25 and old enough to know better. He is jealous of you but happy to leave you and his child alone while he goes out? and won't communicate with you? or can't?

Your instincts aren't wrong. I don't think he sounds like a keeper. If you said to him that he had to go to Relate with you, what would he say?

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 23:48

You don't know the OPs maturity though spero.

Pulling up spelling/grammar is perhaps more appropriate for a lighthearted thread, but the OP may not have talked about this to anyone else and be intimidated if she thinks she's being judged on her writing skills.

(sorry OP for detracting from your posts)

Original poster
Thay · 26/02/2011 23:50

im portuguese,but i knw i am young, NOT A 16 year old ,neither act like one,my 13 hrs a day work are very stressfull thanks very much.
But its him,being selfish wid me..and neglecting me most of the times..like now,he woke up,and went out.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:50

Thay...he is kind but going out too much? Is he looking for more work? He needs to suppot you more!

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 23:50

I can see where Spero is coming from.

All that "gangsta speak" is very difficult to take seriously I'm afraid.

Typing "wid" isnt an excuse for not being from the UK.

In answer to the Op, you both sound very young and immature, who looks after the baby while you are working? where does he get his money from to go out?

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:51

Where is he going at this time of night? Clubs?

Spero · 26/02/2011 23:52

We will have to disagree. 'wid' and 'sum' are not spelling mistakes or the errors of someone for whom English is not native language. As learning English is important to this op, I am pointing this out.

I agree it is not a helpful point to be pushing right now. So I am happy to leave it.

Situation needs to change for op or she will end up very resentful and isolated and 'D'P won't suddenly have conversion and end up perfect father, he is likely to just carry on/get worse.

So if he won't/can't talk, you have to think about your options and where you could get help if you have no friends/families nearby. Do you have a Health Visitor to talk to? Sure Start Groups?

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 23:52

God...will people stop judging her! I can take her sriously...I do not judge her by her typing...it would be wrong to do so in any case.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 23:52

Wow Shock 13 hours a day?? And you have a small baby.

No wonder you want him to start pulling his weight.

Has he always been like this or has it got worse since you've had your son?

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 23:55

'So I am happy to leave it'

So long as you're happy spero.

Hope the OP's not bovvered about your posts.

Pedants, bah.

BluddyMoFo · 26/02/2011 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.