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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for wanting to split wid DP

78 replies

Thay · 26/02/2011 23:29

because he is always making the same mistakes,desrespecting me,always comes home and sleeps until 10pm and goes out night time and leave me wid our 3months son.
I mean, im 21 years old,im always working and dont even get to see my son,while he works like 10 hrs a week and whenever im home he just goes out and come back late wid sum stupid excuse,then if i get upset,he says that im treating him bad,LIKE I SHOULD COME Understanding and calm,asking wots wrong babe,y did u came so late??
God Knws i dont have no one in my life,to count on if i leave him,as iam not frm the uk,but i just cant take it anymore.
Am i being selfish?am i wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thay · 26/02/2011 23:55

OMG, honestly i came for advice not for being bullied .Perhaps i would check my spelling next time i feel like asking for anyones help .Cheers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thay · 26/02/2011 23:57

Thank God some one with common sense BluddyMoFo

OP posts:
Spero · 26/02/2011 23:57

If people want my advice, I am afraid it comes with an element of judging. You have to judge the situation, judge what the op wants etc, etc. There is no point in bleating platitudes. This is a bad situation, op is very isolated, she needs to be able to widen the net and get some help. It is quite clear father is a loser. I doubt very much he is going to step up from the descriptions thus far. So where can op go?

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 23:58

Don't go Thay.

Not everyone thinks like that (and I don't think spero was bullying or meant to upset you, just couldn't help herself pointing out your spelling).

Spero · 27/02/2011 00:00

I can see I am in minority of possibly two re the gangsta stylings, but I do not resile from anything I have said. Communication matters. Especially when you are raising a child and helping child to make his way in world.

I have tried also I hope to make some helpful points. I hope you can sort it out op. Don't be afraid of asking for help from people in the real world as it sounds like you need more immediate and practical help to separate if he can't/won't change.

cheekeymonkey · 27/02/2011 00:02

Can you rely on him Thay? Do you have any idea of what your options are if you decide not to be with him anymore? It doesn't come across that you are getting a lot of support from him so I can't see the point of him in your or your dc's life. I really think you need to explore your options as I think you already know this isn't a good relationship and you obviously need some support.BTW good for you teaching yourself this very difficult language in less than 2 years! I was trying to learn Portugese - I was hopeless!

Original poster
Thay · 27/02/2011 00:03

Darling comunication does matters,but OMG its like you havent got a clue what is it to be in a situation like mine,so its a lot more interesting to point out my spelling than to realise my pain.Thanks any

OP posts:
Original poster
Thay · 27/02/2011 00:03

Darling comunication does matters,but OMG its like you havent got a clue what is it to be in a situation like mine,so its a lot more interesting to point out my spelling than to realise my pain.Thanks anyway

OP posts:
MrsRhettButler · 27/02/2011 00:04

have you tried to talk to him? what does he say? does he know how you feel?

MrsRhettButler · 27/02/2011 00:05

does he stay out all night?

MrsRhettButler · 27/02/2011 00:06

dp used to do this so i know how it feels :( in the end the only reason he stopped is because he nearly lost me and dd, could it come to that for you?

Toygirl · 27/02/2011 00:06

Spero, if you don't like spelling like that then why come on to a thread that has 'wid'' in the title? Surely you should avoid?

MarineIguana · 27/02/2011 00:07

Actually Thay I do think you sound mature and you have the sense to know that you can't and shouldn't put up with this. It's your responsibility to show your son that this isn't how men should behave in a relationship. He is behaving really badly. Your instincts are right and you're not selfish.

If he's jealous and disrespectful, and has tried to isolate you from friends, that means it's possible he could get unpleasant if you try to split up. If I were you, I'd be trying to sort out separate finances, the rent or lease etc. on where you live, and somewhere for you and your son to go to, in advance, and then go. Is there any possibility of going back to Portugal and staying with family for now? Or any friends or colleagues you could stay with?

Or, if the house/flat is in your name and you can successfully make him leave, do that - as long as he won't react badly and hassle you.

Good luck.

Spero · 27/02/2011 00:07

Thay, you can't know what I know or don't know about your situation or what I have been through. I am words on a screen. Let's just say I have been through enough to recognise a crap situation.

So grow up. Seriously. It is not your spelling that it is the issue. You are identifying yourself as a member of a tribe. If that is what you want, if that gives you strength, good for you. But recognise how others may see it.

Original poster
Thay · 27/02/2011 00:07

Well he says he doesnt feel confortable at home..i did just told him again how i feel,and he would eventually come back when he feel like.
I told him i was tired of,working,coming home,looking after my son,and going back to work again,it never stops for me,since i gave birth i had 3 weeks at home only,it all adds up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thay · 27/02/2011 00:12

MarineIguana tks so much for being so kind, I dont really know if i can go WITH ,my son, isnt that against hes rights of father?

OP posts:
cheekeymonkey · 27/02/2011 00:12

Thay, are you supporting him too?

AgentZigzag · 27/02/2011 00:12

Would it be possible for you to stop patronising the OP spero by repeatedly telling her to grow up?

She can talk any way she fucking chooses, she can swear, use slang, misspell things on purpose, it just doesn't matter.

I'm sorry you judge people using such a tight framework, but a lot of other people aren't mithered by it.

MarineIguana · 27/02/2011 00:13

Oh and re the spelling etc., Spero the OP has told us she learned English herself quite recently - so she will have a learned a lot from the people she's around, which means the kind of slang and shorthand people commonly use. You sound as if you're a lot older than 21 (as am I so I'm not saying that's a bad thing) and you even use words like "resile"! Maybe it's you who's out of touch and from a different generation.

Original poster
Thay · 27/02/2011 00:15

kind of supporting as i work full time,and he doesnt.But on the other hand,he is the one that helps me out with my son,only because hes home,because at my work i could bring my son with me without problems.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 27/02/2011 00:15

Spero stop kickin someone when she is down...do you realise how pathetic you look?

Thay....is he out clubbing at night? Why does he go out so late?

SeeJaneKick · 27/02/2011 00:16

Well said MarineIguana!

MmeLindt · 27/02/2011 00:16

Spero
I really do not know what you are trying to achieve here.

Thay
Don't go.

First, I would advise you to get legal advice about your rights about whether you are allowed to remove your child from the country without the father's permission.

Do you think that he would object? I take it that your DP is looking after the baby when you are working?

What about at home? Do you have a support network there?

cheekeymonkey · 27/02/2011 00:17

Thay, women remove themselves and their children from bad relationships every day, its not against his Father's rights. And he is not exactly being a good example of a father is he? Please just listen to the people trying to help you.

MarineIguana · 27/02/2011 00:18

I have to admit Thay I don't know the exact details of the law on that, though someone on here will, but I think it partly depends on whether he is named on the birth certificate. However you can definitely split up with him if you want to! If you need help sorting out what to do, try the citizen's advice bureau (CAB) - look for them on the web.

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