to wonder have we got it really wrong with todays parenting?

[slipperandpjsmum]

Parenting has changed so much in the last 20 even 10 years alot for the good but not all I am sure.

There is so much emphasis on risk and avoiding it, all the 'must have stuff' for babies, all the guilt/worry/pressure about are we getting it right rather than just enjoying our children???

Just throwing the question out there to the MN jury .................

I think today's parenting is OTT and too soft. Children are spoiled and lazy and there is too much panick over peadophiles on every street corner. I was raised as my partner was, in a very traditional manner, I can really see the differences between myself and my peers. Most don't know how to cook, clean or take care of themselves without parental help way into their teens and the maturity levels are rediculous. No street wise education and over protection has actually left many of my peers vulnerable where as a child this was meant to keep them safe. Everything in a family home has become so child centred that a parent finds it hard or almost impossible to have an identity outside of this bubble and is constantly pandering to overly needy children. Just my opinion, and it is a generalisation but it is what I see.

LeQueen, I think you are 100% spot on.

Children are given far too many "rights" and choices these days. Parents have had their "rights" and choices taken away by people who are simply trying to justify their silly job titles.

Children do not need to be involved in every aspect of their parents lives, nor do they need to be treated like "mini adults" and given an equal voice in family decisions.

Lequeen - completely agree. I also detest primary homework. There isn't much time between end of school and bedtime for a young child and I would rather spend it having fun with them.

I know what you mean about 'those' parents - we have plenty at our school too!

A friend of mine has the most disgusting coloured car, because she let her then-three-year-old choose it. I bet he regrets that now he's nearly 14, his parents are divorced and she still has it because she can't afford a new one!

Ironically many parents who do this (choices, no boundaries, interfering at school etc) claim to do it for the child's confidence and self-esteem. The same parents who don't let their child go alone in the garden for 2 minutes!

But i think confidence and self-esteem are the most misunderstood words anyway.

I don't think the vast majority of parents are getting it wrong, I think society is much too critical of parents generally and that makes us more anxious and worried about parenting that we should be. You don't have to be perfect.

People also have to remember that we are preparing the next generation for a world that is different from the one where we grew up. Some values stay the same through time but a lot changes - our kids have to be prepared for the modern world and all its joys and woes. We may get increasingly bewildered, nostaligic and maybe scared with age but The Kids will be Alright. That's if the human race survives in great numbers anyway some of the climate change predictions come to pass of course...

By the way, my grandparents thought my parents' parenting was "too soft". I grew up with "Kids don't know they're born today" ringing in my ears.

I'm sure people were saying the same in the Bronze Age. "What, you mean you didn't leave him to fend for himself on a hillside for the first six months of his life? You'll have a proper soft lad there mark my words. Brutus was wielding an axe at 12 months."

I can't really compare things from a parenting point of view as I was a child in the 70's.
I agree with tralala though, some things seem to be better and some worse...
My "parenting" pet hates are

• I heard kids threatening their parents that they'll call the ChildLine (or something) if they don't get what they want, and say they have been abused - WTF? (they may have been joking but what if not?)
• the constant social pressure for the parents to do "the right thing" - whatever the latest fashion happens to be at the time (BF vs FF, baby massage/yoga, tennis lessons for 3 year olds, you name it)

I also agree with a lot of what you have said LeQ, and our ds has also been brought up mainly along the lines you describe, apart from the fact he does more than one extra-curricular activity a week (but by no means fills his week with activities - I firmly believe he needs time at home to play with his stuff).

I quite agree about no homework, for primary age children too, and fortunately ds's school doesn't give them any, apart from expecting them to read every day.

And I also feel many children are given far too much choice about too many things.

And many have far too much "screen time" (Tv, games consoles, computers) which I think doesn't help them to learn to occupy themselves.

I think there has always been societal pressure to "do the right thing". In fact it is much less clear these days at to what is the right and wrong thing to do at times...generally I think this is a good thing but it can be confusing, and cause anxiety...hence AIBU board for one thing!

Quite agree LeQ. If we are on a car journey, ds can read a book if he likes, or sometimes we have the radio/CD player on (but our choice of what's on usually, not his) or he can look out of the window. Or talk to us. Some people think that unless they provide in-car entertainment systems for their dcs "they will be bored". I think it's good for them to "be bored". they can then start thinking, instead....

- I heard kids threatening their parents that they'll call the ChildLine (or something) if they don't get what they want, and say they have been abused - WTF? (they may have been joking but what if not?)

oh I used to do this on a regular basis when I was young My mum used to hand me the phone and say 'go on then' which was not the effect I was after

I agree with LeQueen on parenting as well as most decorating tips, it would seem... :)

This is not a brag at all, but the DS's teachers do say he's very imaginative and able to entertain himself for long periods of time. Certainly it's just his natural personality, but also I think it's partly that DH and I have never over-stimulated or over-entertained him.

Do you know what? I would have loved it if my mum had engaged with me more, talked to me about what was going on in the world, gave me choices as to whether or not I would like to be a built in baby sitter, or for me to be responsible for buying all my own clothes etc once I was made to get a job at 14. I'd love to have been given a choice about the horrid men and step-sisters being bought into our house. T'was indeed a golden age.

@ Pinkglow - I know, it's all a big joke isn't it?
For me it's a simptom of the over-protection going on (not saying for one moment that ChildLine and such are not a great idea to deal with real abuse)

"...explore the embossed pattern in the wallpaper with their finger,..."

Yes, as long as they don't follow this up with peeling the wallpaper off the wall - I'm looking at you there, DD3..............

I think in every age there is parenting advice - be it handed down by old wise women or a baby routine manual.

People look back with rose tinted glasses and think today's ways are not as good. Well today's world is different and we react accordingly. For example I'm not letting my DS play in the street as it's bloody dangerous with massive 4x4s zooming past at 50mph on a residential road.

Noone has the gold standard for raising kids so we should all chill out and use some common sense and do the best we can.

LeQueen..

Can I be your slavering follower today? I agree with 99% of what you say.. Because we do also have some kids' CDs in the car!! (Barney, anyone )But they are allowed their turn.. As are we..