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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH could possibly take just one afternoon off during half term and share the childcare with me?

70 replies

Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 12:05

I'm on halfterm with 2 kids. I work part time and have this week off too. AIBU to expect DH to manage to take an afternoon off to spend with this DC? I've been entertaining them all week (including a trip to get my hair cut as he was too busy to look after them). I'd like an afternoon off - it's my holiday too. I don't get the luxury of booking a day off as I want it.

Rant over.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 24/02/2011 12:06

Does he work full time?

Original poster
Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 12:07

Yes and in the evenings. And does standby. Takes days off for his hobby mind.

OP posts:
missmapp · 24/02/2011 12:08

Im a teacher, so this is my holiday aswell, but I ve spent it looking after my two ( the youngest of which has chicken pox- i love it when my children know to be ill in the holidays!!) DH hasnt been able to take time off, but I know he would have wanted to, unfortunately we have to save holiday time incase one of the kids are ill.

Ive actually really enjoyed having some time with the dcs , especially ds1 who is now in school, try not to feel hard done by as it only makes you feel worse , and thats from someone who has learnt the hard way.

worraliberty · 24/02/2011 12:09

Can you get your hair cut when the kids are at school?

worraliberty · 24/02/2011 12:10

They're not little for long anyway. You'll miss school holidays when they get older and want to spend less time with you.

lesley33 · 24/02/2011 12:10

Really depends on whether he can in terms of workload. In some jobs at certain times you just can't take the time off. But if he just wants to avoid looking after the kids then yes YANBU.

redskyatnight · 24/02/2011 12:16

DH and I (aside from family holiday) take all our holiday separately to cover as many school holidays as possible. so I have worked half this week (while he looks after the DC) and he's worked the other half (while I look after the DC). Neither of us get "time off" when we are not looking after children. So if you have a similar arrangement YABU. If, on the other hand, you are always the one taking time off to look after the DC and your DH never does (and takes his leave when he wants a day off), YANBU ...

didldidi · 24/02/2011 12:17

Surely you can't cover all the holidays by yourself though? doesn't he have to take time off in other holidays?

Ormirian · 24/02/2011 12:18

Perhaps he can't.

DH teaches so he is home. I did take Tuesday off as it was DS2's birthday but it was difficult as my manager is on long-term sick leave and there are problems atm. But I am able to work from home to keep an eye on things. I wouldn't have been able to take leave if that hadn't been the case.

It's just how it is sometimes.

lesley33 · 24/02/2011 12:20

Also some in some workplaces you need to book annual leave far ahead if you want it during school holidays, as this is a popular time to take off. So you couldn't at the last minute book any time off.

Original poster
Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 12:59

I work in a school so no I can't get my haircut during the day. Try to get it done at the weekends usually but they could only do it on Monday. I would just like a couple of hours of peace and quiet on my own occasionally.

OP posts:
AllGoodNamesGone · 24/02/2011 13:04

When you have young children, you should be trying to share the holidays. It's not fair if you always take time off to look after the children during the holidays and he takes his when he fancies a rest.

Can you plan ahead and suggest he books a week off during the Easter holidays or at least the days which you are working so he can have them.

MooMooFarm · 24/02/2011 13:09

I would say if you work PT and DH works full time and evenings - and standby - then YABU. I am in a similar situation work-wise with my DH and I tend to cover more of the school holidays than he does.

DH takes all of his holidays in the school holidays too, so he can spend time with the DC.

However, DH is more than happy to look after the DC at weekends when I want to go out shopping for a few hours on my own or to get my haircut or whatever.

If DH never steps in so you can have time on your own, then maybe YANBU!

AllGoodNamesGone · 24/02/2011 13:10

Cross post, see you work in a school. He probably thinks the holidays are sorted in that case! Still think he should be booking at least the majority of is holidays when the children are off, as much so you can do some things as a family as to give you a breather - surely he wants to spend time with them!

dustycups · 24/02/2011 13:12

Why?? single parents dont have such a luxury!!

Original poster
Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 13:14

Am I discussing single parents - no I don't think so....Hmm. I appreciate others are not so fortunate to have to luxury of an additional child care option.

OP posts:
Inertia · 24/02/2011 13:17

He isn't being unreasonable to work if you are not having to use up holiday to cover child care. However, he is unreasonable to take time off for his hobby if he won't take holiday to spend time with his family.

Misfitless · 24/02/2011 13:25

But OP you only work part time don't you? So when the DCs are at school, you have presumably 9:30 - 3:00pm 2 days a week / unless you work 5 days / afternoon a week; either way, you must get a couple of hours to yourself at least a couple of times a week when your DH is at work? Presumably the only time this doesn't happen is during half term / Easter / summer hols?

I think YABU. My DP works full time and is SE and hardly ever takes time off during holidays. I doubt he would if I put it to him that he should take time off to look after the DCs! He did take yesterday off (amazingly) but I sold it to him on a 'it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to go and see a brilliant touring Tutankahmun exhibition.' We both took DS aged 5.5 - DS had both his parents all to himself for the whole day, which has never happened before in his life.

If you were full time you might NBU, but you work partime so IMO UABU.

And by the way, taking the DCs to the hairdressers does not count as entertainment in their eyes, I'm sure!

Misfitless · 24/02/2011 13:29

Forgot to say - why not suggest that he takes time off to spend with the family and you could all do something really nice together? It seems like his only option is to take time off and have the kids so you can have a few hours to yourself ....! It also seems like you're in a right mood about it which will probably make him dig his heels in about the whole issue.

Original poster
Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 13:30

I work mon-fri 0845-3.30pm and then during the evenings a couple of times a week (homebased). I took the kids to London to a museum yesterday, and have been out doing things with them every day so far during this half term. I agree that taking the kids to the hairdresser is not "entertainment" but when you've no other option, i had no choice but to take them. It was for 30 mins and then we did stuff together afterwards. I think I am being reasonable here but clearly you think otherwise. I have to go out now (to entertain my children further). Time to quit posting I feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 13:31

Misfitless - I am not in a "right mood" about it as you put it Hmm. It would be nice to do things as a family, however we don't get an opportunity if he's WORKING when they are on holiday.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 24/02/2011 13:33

Yanbu, op. I think it would have been nice for your dh to take at least half a day off during the dc half term. I am sure they would have appreciated it too.

lulabellarama · 24/02/2011 13:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

moondog · 24/02/2011 13:38

I'd be pissed off too.
You work f/t really it seems.
Anyone who puts a hobby above being with their family is selfish.

Drizzela · 24/02/2011 13:38

I'm not sure fedupbeyondbeleif It's hard to say without knowing the ins and outs of your situation. I would say it would be nice if he took a day off so that you coul dall do something 'holiday-ish' together.

But not sure about him taking time off to have the children so you can have a day to yourself. If you work part time and he works full time I imagine that you have time to yourself while the kids are at school during term time - and the trade off is that you have them during the holidays?

If you have a mental tot up of yours and your husbands 'free-time' across the year, are you really the one losing out?

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