to think DH could possibly take just one afternoon off during half term and share the childcare with me?

[Fedupbeyondbelief]

I'm on halfterm with 2 kids. I work part time and have this week off too. AIBU to expect DH to manage to take an afternoon off to spend with this DC? I've been entertaining them all week (including a trip to get my hair cut as he was too busy to look after them). I'd like an afternoon off - it's my holiday too. I don't get the luxury of booking a day off as I want it.

Rant over.

I think everyone is entitled to a little bit of time just for themselves. It is very sad that lots of people aren't getting that, either because they are single parents or they have a child with SN, but none of that is the OP's fault.

The children are as much the fathers responsibility as the mothers. She is not expecting him to use up all his holiday time, but to take a few hours off so that she can have a break. I think that is fair and reasonable, especially if you take into account that her DH takes time off for his hobby.

Seems to me that the OP's life is all work and childcare, while her husbands is work and hobby. There is an imbalance here.

OP, next time he takes a day off for his hobby, leave the kids with him and go out and do your own thing. The parent working full time does not have a right to more leisure time than the parent who works PT and looks after the DC the rest of the time.

OP did you ask DH if he would take some holiday during the half term?

If you asked him and he said no then YANBU

If you were expecting him to realise that it would be a helpful thing to do and to do it off his own bat then YABU

Howzat

Amazing - I'm not suggesting I never want a break from my DCs, of course I do, but it's not fair to exepect my DP to take time off so that I could have an afternoon to myself. To spend the afternoon with my DCs and my DP together YES, but not just for myself.

I wish we knew what the hobby in question is, and how much time of the OP's husband's time is dedicated to this hobby...it's all so relevant! I can see, how if it's a regular thing, it would lead to resentment. But I always answer a aibu thread on it's own merits, and try not to assume anything other than what is in the post....maybe that's where I'm going wrong!

Can all those present (including me) just include all relevant information and not just snippets for all future aibu threads? ESPECIALLY if you're going to bugger off and leave the thread hanging entertain your DCs mid-thread?

All those in agreement say 'I'

I

Kind of - I don't think I'd put anything serious in AIBU anyway. And I tend to think of things that are relevant after I've pressed the post button.

I can see your point that more info is needed.

Why is it not fair to ask your DH to take time off for that reason? Many a time my DH has taken Friday afternoon off to have the DC so that I can travel to a friends house so we have the evening drinking and we can go out the day after. It's not being unreasonable. It's having consideration for your husband/wife surely?

and im betting the hobby is golf

If it's golf she needs to threaten to sell his clubs on ebay lol

It will either be golf or cycling, generally is on these kind of posts

OP - YANBU, and I think you've had a rough ride on this thread. Once again I am surprised and disappointed at the number of MNers who clearly think that men should be allowed to just carry on their lives as if they don't have children while their wife scurries round doing all the work.

I'm sure that the OP's DH works hard, that isn't in dispute. But it doesn't exempt him from taking his wife and children into consideration.

Also, think I've been a bit hasty and have concentrated on the fact that OP wanted DH to take time off work so she could have time to self, when maybe, like others, I shouldn've focused on the fact that he takes time off for himself.

I'm not really heartless, it's just I wouldn't expect my DP to take time off so I could have time to myself bacause he gets bugger all time off anyway, and I would think he was wasting family time if I expected him to use his time for me, IYSWIM.

But given that he does this for himself. If I were in OP's shoes I think I'd try and strike a deal. Eg he uses minimum time off work for his hobbies, and whatever time he does use OP gets equal time back in lieu either by him booking time off work or by letting her have the equal amount of time spread over the weekend.

It sounds a pretty disjointed unhappy set up tbh but it might just make him realise that this is all too one-side. It might even make him stop booking time off work for his hobbies. ANd goodness knows when the DCs will get to spend time with both parents together, though!

Unless, of course it's only a couple of hours each month in which case what's all the fuss about?

Why is it not fair to expect DH to take an afternoon off to have time to yourself? Everyone needsd a bit of me time, especially those looking after small children day in day out.

Well in my situation because my DP gets hardly any time off at all. For me, on the very rare occasion he can take time off in the week I would want to be family time rather than me time. Each to their own though.

I wouldn't even suggest that he took time off in the week to look after our DCs so that I can have quality me time and I am a SAHM with at least 2 DCs with me almost all of the time. IMO people looking after small children day in day out (like me) don't have any more right to me time than anyone else.

I'm not a mug, though, my DP will look after DCs at the weekend if I do want to go out - for my birthday he arranged for me and my sister to go to a spa for the whole weekend and looked after all 4 DCs by himself.

OP shouldn't be taken for granted, and I agree with hindsight that it doesn't sound fair if he is using a lot of his holidays on his hobby.

You'll all flame me for this - when we only had 1 DC my DP went on a three week holiday to Peru & Brazil with some of his friends and whilst I wasn't thrilled I didn't give him hell over it.

Fedup - just to add that your working hours are not really that part-time. You are working nearly 34 hours per week . And it sounds as if while you are not at work you are wholly responsible for child care. So it's perfectly fair to expect your dh to give up some hobby time for you and your family.

when it comes to putting in annual leave requests (do you go April/March, Jan/Dec, you might need to do this twice a year if your two AL years start at different times) you need to sit down together and duke it out

a lot of companies can't accomodate AL requests at the drop of a hat, so forward planning is key

also, do YOU have a hobby or interest? if not, why not; don't fall into the trap of being only wife/mother/wage earner - you could be dancer/artist/photographer/chess demon too

Having read through that tirade,,
YADNBU to want him to have an afternoon off so you can have a little break OP.
Its one afternoon, it won't kill him, but you might if he doesn't!

Simple.

I've never taken a half term off in 26 years as a mother as I work full time. However you could of course arrange childcare for them if you want time to yourself. Is that not possible>? Just hire some daily child care.

Also never tolerate u nfairness. If he has time off for a hobby then force it so that you have as much off. Helps if you out earn him though so makt that your aim for this year so his job is mere pin money and you earn double that he does. That would be much more fun.

You Are SO NBU

Misfitless, you shouldnt be flamed for your DH going away for three weeks with his friends. As long as he would do the same for you then what is the problem?

This si what i'm trying to say.. He should have his hobby/spare time, you should have your hobby/spare time and also you should spend time as a family. It's all down to compromise and good planning.

I think everyone needs some time to themselves sometimes. If you don't fill up your reservoir from time to time you'll run out of steam and be able to give less of yourself to your family.

In my line of work we are busiest when the schools ar on holiday so leave is restriceted. The part-time and full-time Mums claim it is their "right" to have first dibs on the holiday slots quoting "childcare" and "family friendly policies". This leaves very few, if any holiday slots for anyone else including Dads (whether they live with their kids or not), or anyone else to take leave at this time unless they know the holiday dates and book them as soon as the leave lists are opened.

When the children were small DH and I used to take two weeks off each in the summer and pay for childcare for the other weeks. Half terms were shated but it required meticulous planning and booking leave way in advance for both of us. "Children" are now 23 and 25 and I have no idea when the holidays are until I look at the leave chart and see which weeks are closed as they are full.

What sort of policy does your DH's work have on leave, and how far in advance do you discuss this and let his kinow the datesd needed and the dates you are not available to look after your joint children.