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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DH could possibly take just one afternoon off during half term and share the childcare with me?

70 replies

Fedupbeyondbelief · 24/02/2011 12:05

I'm on halfterm with 2 kids. I work part time and have this week off too. AIBU to expect DH to manage to take an afternoon off to spend with this DC? I've been entertaining them all week (including a trip to get my hair cut as he was too busy to look after them). I'd like an afternoon off - it's my holiday too. I don't get the luxury of booking a day off as I want it.

Rant over.

OP posts:

didldidi · 24/02/2011 13:41

Surely he doesn't use all his annual leave on his hobbies?

Misfitless · 24/02/2011 13:43

Yes, but you're not suggesting you do nice things as a family are you? On the OP you are clearly pissed off that he hasn't taken time off for the purpose of you having time to yourself!

It is quite annoying when people come on aibu and then don't give all the information necessary for people to make an infomed reply. If you work 8:45-3:30pm I can see that you don't have time to yourself during the day so I apolgoise, but you could have avoided those comments by giving us the times you work as it's clearly relevant.

And I wasn't suggesting you haven't been entertaining your children. We've all had to take our children to the hairdressers occasionally, get over it. It is so impossible for me to have a couple of hours to myself that I have a mobile hairdresser come to the house so I don't have the stress and hassle of dragging them all along. I do understand. However, having your hair done at home with a baby and at least one other small child is hardly a walk in the park, is it?

And by the way, pardon me but your name and the content of your OP do suggest that you are in a mood - maybe it's about something else.

Try and enjoy half term - why does everyone assume that there's a God given right for everyone to have afew hours to themselves. It's a luxury, not a right when you have children IMO. You don't work weekends, not arrange for your DH to have them for a couple of hours on a Sat/Sun so he doensn't need to use up his leave? It just seems unnecessary if you ask me, and you did ask me by coming on AIBU!!

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 13:44

I had a husband like that. Any holiday he took was spent on his pasttime (drinking ). He never took time off to spend with the kids during the holidays (one of mine is severely disabled so a bit of a break would have been appreciated). I also was working in school.

I think a chat is in order. Why should one parent get time off to do what they want and the other not?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 24/02/2011 13:46

OP YANBU

If he can take time off for his hobby he can take time off for his kids.

Misfitless · 24/02/2011 13:46

Sorry- should say 'why not arrange for your DH to have them for a couple of hours on a Sat/Sun so he doesn't need to use up his leave?'

OhYouBadBadKitten · 24/02/2011 13:47

easiest way to get a bit of free time I think is to do child swaps with friends - you have theirs for an afternoon and they have yours the next afternoon. Means you dont have to do anything specific to entertain as well as the friends do that.

jenandberry · 24/02/2011 13:47

Maybe you are trying too hard to entertain the children. I do think YABU but you sound exhausted so perhaps understandably so.

taffetacat · 24/02/2011 13:50

My DH works FT and never takes time off in school hols to spend with the DC, unless its a 2 week summer holiday and we go away.

Now mine are at school, I really enjoy spending time with them. Even yesterday, when I caught some bug and was throwing up, they were great, unpacking the food delivery etc.

I feel sorry for DH, tbh. He doesn't spend enough time with them so they never want him at bedtime and his cuddles are often rejected. The only time they really warm to him is that 2 week summer holiday.

Wirlies · 24/02/2011 13:57

Oh come on everyone, give the OP a break ! Are you seriously saying none of you lot has ever thought it would be nice to have a couple of hours either to yourself, or where the responsibility of childcare can be shared ?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 24/02/2011 13:59

taffetacat unless there's some reason he can't take time off in the holidays then it sounds like he is reaping what he sows.

Misfitless · 24/02/2011 14:04

Of course we've all thought it, no one is denying this wirlies. It just seems the OP seems to almost resent having to look after the DCs for the whole holidays...even having to take them to the hairdressers and having to entertain them all week!!

I'd be less harsh if the OP wasn't expecting her DH to take valuable leave so that she could have a couple of hours to herself, which could surely happen during a normal weekend.

And lets not forget, as someone pointed out - there are single parents on here, and parents with disabled DCs who may never get a couple of hours to themsleves.

I'm normally more understanding, but today I can't be doing with the whining about not having a couple of hours to myself tbh.

It just seems like something you shouldn't be resentful of IMO.

taffetacat · 24/02/2011 14:05

He gets very little holiday, Chaotic

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 14:07

But what if it doesn't happen at weekends? What if he spends time on his hobby then?

Also what's the betting that the OP does the bulk of the childcare as well as working and probably most of the housework.

I can totally see OPs point. Everyone deserves a bit of a break.

OhCobblers · 24/02/2011 14:10

YANBU

haven't read the whole thread (which granted i'm sure i should).

we have half term this week too and DH has taken tomorrow off for us to spend the day together with the DC.

however our plans are for the afternoon only and i know that i could bugger off on my own for a couple of hours run some errands on my own if necessary in the morning.

drzeus · 24/02/2011 14:22

I think the OP should "get over it" and realise that she is very lucky having two lovely kids and a husband who is willing to work hard for the family. She is fortunate to be able to spend valuable time with them, and is blessed that they are fit and heathly. One of the posters (sorry forgot which) posted "why does everyone assume that there's a God given right for everyone to have afew hours to themselves. It's a luxury, not a right when you have children IMO". How very true.

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 14:25

The OP works hard too.

Misfitless · 24/02/2011 14:30

manicbmc - I agree. That's why I said earlier that it's annoying when people don't include all the relevant information.

Drzeus well said!

And there is little point in us all speculating that OP does the majority of everything and her DH doesn't give her any help of the weekend. It might be true but as OP didn't include this info I'm going to assume (probably wrongly) that this is not the case. If it is the case, then there's a bigger problem that suggested initially, but we are only being asked to comment on the facts we have been given - not second guess the domestic arrangements during weekends.

altinkum · 24/02/2011 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbityhat · 24/02/2011 14:33

What a load of shite drzeus. They both work. If its so great having lots of lovely time to spend with one's dc then why the flip isn't the dh taking a few hours off to indulge in that particular pleasure?

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 14:36

Yes - more info needed. But I think the OP has been given an unnecessarily hard time when she obviously feels down about the situation and is clearly doing a lot to keep the kids occupied.

And time off may be a luxury but if the OPs husband gets that luxury then I don't see why the OP shouldn't as well.

shewasashowgirl · 24/02/2011 14:39

It's up to you whether you think it's reasonable and if you don't you should take up a hobby

TallulahDoesTheHula · 24/02/2011 14:41

I do think it is a bit daft to suggest that the DH uses his holiday to do some of the half term childcare when the OP works term time only and is already at home - if one parent is home to do the childcare and is not having to use up holidays to do so then why on earth do you need a second person there too??

On the other hand the DH should be using his holidays from work up fairly between time with the family and his hobby. He should also be making the most of the family time at the weekends when they are all together anyway. Is this the case? If not, then although OP is BU about half term I can understand the annoyance as it is a symptom of a bigger problem.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/02/2011 14:42

I have yet to meet a parent in RL that never wants a break from their children and loves to spend every waking moment with them. I think they must be Computer ChatRoom based virus' or something.

OP YANBU.

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 14:46

But she has no option but to have her holidays when the kids do. All OP wanted was an afternoon. I don't think that's too much to ask. It's not as if she's expecting her husband to take the week off.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 24/02/2011 14:51

taffetacat then I have sympathy for your DH and DC as it seems to be beyond his control.

"why does everyone assume that there's a God given right for everyone to have afew hours to themselves. It's a luxury, not a right when you have children IMO".

Following that logic presumably the DH shouldn't have a hobby and should be spending all 'spare' time with his children.

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