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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For getting a lump in my throat whilst reading DS's private messages?

60 replies

Nagaseli · 24/02/2011 07:27

DS is 12 and I was just doing my usual check of his facebook account and came across a conversation between him and a girl he went to primary school with. He had a massive crush on this girl in year 6 and they went to cinema once in the summer holidays after they left but never saw each other again after that but always kept in contact over text and facebook etc. They have been really close but she'd never "go out" with him etc, just wanted to be his best friend.

Anyway I've just read the conversation from last night and she told him she knew he fancied her but she went for the popular lads instead incase she got picked on and then she said she misses him and if they could turn back time she'd want to be with him and she regretted the way she'd treated him etc. She finished by saying whoever he did end up with now was the luckiest person in the world.

My throat swelled up and tears sprung to my eyes and I know they're only 12 and it's all a bit silly but seeing another child write that about your usually unpopular and rather nerdy son (by his own admission! he takes that as a compliment) just means the world. Am I over-reacting then?? I just hope as he gets older people will be less concerned about "being seen with him" and more concerned about how much of a lovely person he is.

OP posts:

OADCB · 24/02/2011 07:29

Yabu

A quick scan of them is all that's required! Not an in depth read.

Original poster

Nagaseli · 24/02/2011 07:31

I didn't read the full convo, that was just the bit I happened to come across. I do feel a bit bad actually for reading it but kinda glad I did in a way?! It's hard to explain. I sometimes just worry he is going to be unpopular for ever.

OP posts:

Meow75 · 24/02/2011 07:32

I see a meeting in a pub somewhere when they are 18 or 20, which will be the renewing of a beautiful friendship, and lead to something more!!!

Original poster

Nagaseli · 24/02/2011 07:33

Meow, would I sound really sad if I admitted the image did cross my mind?

OP posts:

OADCB · 24/02/2011 07:34

Don't worry too much. All the unpopular nice guys at school are the ones that a real catchs now!

woollyideas · 24/02/2011 07:34

at the idea that 'checking' your son's Facebook account means reading entire conversations from children who are known to you and him.

FreudianSlippery · 24/02/2011 07:34

Aww :(

He won't be unpopular forever. Geeks will find a group of similar-minded friends. I say this as a geek :o

He'll be fine!

Original poster

Nagaseli · 24/02/2011 07:37

I didn't read the entire conversation Woolly! The window just popped up, I saw a crying "smiley" and wonderered what was going on and read a little - this was just two messages in a long thread of messages! I didn't read the rest.

OP posts:

OADCB · 24/02/2011 07:40

A quick glance if messages are important to make sure your Childs safe/not being groomed/bullied.

And sadly I speak from experience with a family member who was being groomed

Original poster

Nagaseli · 24/02/2011 07:44

He has been bullied over facebook before so I did get into the habit of reading the odd message to get the gist of a conversation.

One time I did this and the message I came across said "you're a fucking gay boy queer and I'm going to full on bang you you fucking nonce"

Nice

OP posts:

TerrorFirmer · 24/02/2011 07:49

Of course you are right to scan his messages, and anyway that's not what this AIBU is about of course.

Nagaseli, my DP was the unpopular geeky one at school, and I am that "luckiest person in the world" who ended up with him :) What a lovely mum you are.

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 24/02/2011 07:51

Ahh bless. Sounds like she's learnt a valuable lesson and so has your son.

Assuming it was on hos page not a pm, some people on here need to chill out

TimeWasting · 24/02/2011 07:51

Aww. The nerdy ones are often the most hot, successful and popular when they grow up.

louvert · 24/02/2011 07:51

I don't think you have anything to worry about - I had lots of male geek friends at school and all seem very happy with wives, children and great jobs twenty years on. ( And, in my view, YANBU for checking up and being moved by what you saw).

Meow75 · 24/02/2011 07:56

Nagasaki,

No more unreasonable than me saying it; the important thing for you, as his mum, is not to try to engineer anything!

And, FTR, my husband is a mega geek - he has every games console going, and paints toy soldiers for table top gaming purposes, BUT because he's a great cook, and can make the most gorgeous ice cream he is a massive hit with ANY female I've ever seen him with. His charm doesn't do him any harm either.

And all his geeky mates are lovely, friendly accepting people too; I suppose what I'm trying to say is that being a bit geeky doesn't necessarily consign someone to a life of loneliness, BUT you do need to keep an eye on his geekiness. I was at an event at the weekend, and although there were plenty of normal looking blokes who were there with their friends, or their partners, there were also LOADS who were the heavy metal t-shirt looks as if it's a thousand years old, long hair needs a wash and a cut, never really been in an intimate situation with anyone types - that is what you are trying to prevent, I reckon.

I'm sure the people I saw are equally lovely, but even the other geeks look upon them with disdain and recognise that the hobby has been taken too far.

Hope this helps, from a much in love - and loved - geek's wife (of 13 years!)

mum2oneloudbaby · 24/02/2011 07:56

I second TimeWasting - I remember bumping into the 'geek' (takes one to know one ) from my school when we were in our twenties - HE WAS HOT missed the boat there!

Meow75 · 24/02/2011 07:56

Sorry, your name got autocorrected.

Meow resolves to preview in future!!!

squeaver · 24/02/2011 08:10

Don't you have to be 14 to have a Facebook account?
(genuine, not stirring question)

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 08:13

My dp could be described as a bit geeky (as am I - online gamer etc) but he is absolutely gorgeous. He wasn't the popular one at school by his own admission but he is kind, thoughtful and funny.

Hopefully, as they grow up, other kids will see what a great person your ds is.

Mymblesson · 24/02/2011 08:55

What a lovely thing for her to write!

And as a bloke who's always been geeky (I'm a web programmer and I still play Warhammer ), it's nice to see posts from ladies who like them.

Though I was skinny, shy, awkward and had no interest from girls at school, I ended up with a gorgeous exotic foreign wife. We went to a school reunion a few years ago and I treasure the look of stunned disbelief on the faces of the blokes I was at school with when they saw who I was with.

The Revenge of the Nerd.

manicbmc · 24/02/2011 08:58

Warhammer - pah

Warcraft is much more fun.

KnittedBreast · 24/02/2011 08:59

you should have replied that bang you is also a sexual term, what that delightful child should have written is "bang you out".

SylvanianFamily · 24/02/2011 09:03

I married a geek.

He's great. And kind. And earns a fat salary which he now puts towards the occasionally natty outfit, plenty of nice times together, and pays all the bills. And likes kids.

Doesn't drink, smoke, take drugs - which means he's aged very well.

Twelve years on, he's the most eligible guy out of our school by a country mile.

I hope my daughter picks a nerd...

LaurieFairyCake · 24/02/2011 09:09

Geeks are better in bed cos they're grateful to get a gf

Mymblesson · 24/02/2011 09:09

Warcraft is much more fun.

It's pretty good. But you don't get to paint model tanks or Dark Elf cavalry.

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