For getting a lump in my throat whilst reading DS's private messages?

[Nagaseli]

DS is 12 and I was just doing my usual check of his facebook account and came across a conversation between him and a girl he went to primary school with. He had a massive crush on this girl in year 6 and they went to cinema once in the summer holidays after they left but never saw each other again after that but always kept in contact over text and facebook etc. They have been really close but she'd never "go out" with him etc, just wanted to be his best friend.

Anyway I've just read the conversation from last night and she told him she knew he fancied her but she went for the popular lads instead incase she got picked on and then she said she misses him and if they could turn back time she'd want to be with him and she regretted the way she'd treated him etc. She finished by saying whoever he did end up with now was the luckiest person in the world.

My throat swelled up and tears sprung to my eyes and I know they're only 12 and it's all a bit silly but seeing another child write that about your usually unpopular and rather nerdy son (by his own admission! he takes that as a compliment) just means the world. Am I over-reacting then?? I just hope as he gets older people will be less concerned about "being seen with him" and more concerned about how much of a lovely person he is.

I think it's fine to have an agreement that your child can only use Facebook if they allow you access to check up on them (though under-13s are not supposed to be on there at all). Don't agree with sneaking around reading private messages without their knowledge though, especially if you're then going to post the messages almost word for word on a public forum like this! How would the son feel if he saw this thread?

Obviously protecting your children is a priority, but as they get older you also have to start letting go a bit and allowing them more freedom and privacy, and trusting that you've done a good enough job as a parent that they'll feel able to come to you if they have problems or get into any bad situations. You can't monitor their every interaction with others. Yes 12 is very young for 'letting go', but once again, 12 year olds are not allowed to use Facebook!

I know kids as young as 8 who have facebook in the school where I work because they ask to add me! (I don't add them btw and have my privacy settings very high).

I think it can be more useful to teach kids about internet safety and appropriate online behaviour from a very young age than to constantly check up on them. I am very lucky to have an open and honest relationship with my dd. Also she knows that I know how to check up if I thought there was anything amiss.

Bugger. I have tried 3 times to post a message

Tob Ha it's better not to get a post up than one to appear 7 times as mine did once!!

It jsut kept popping up again and again!

Ha and now I've got letters missng as well!! sorry toby

Yay, geeks are the best. I married one too & am constantly recommending them to single friends... Your son has a great future ahead of him :)

awww, sweet.

and i think you should read his messages on FB at 12!

or not let him have a account.

My DH is a geek, we got together at 15, he was a scrawny spidey-nerd.

Hes not 25 and a gorgeous, tall, very hot spidey nerd who turned out to be the most amazing husband and dad :)

Oh God. It'll probably appear about 7 times later.

Basically it was sort of along the lines of what manicbmc said. It's more about trust than anything. I believe that checking up on children too much just makes them better at hiding things. Nothing in my house is hidden.

I know what you mean toby. Everything is much pretty much in the open here as well. DS has facebook on and all you can here is 'mum, look at this..' 'mum this girl, right, posted about this that and the other and I wrote........'

Some of the language is bad at times. I have pulled him a couple of times but I have seen stuff from his mates that say ' I fucking hate my bitch mum!' Although I never mentioned the words to said mum I have said things like, 'my goodness what they post on facebook!!' and they clearly have no idea whatsoever.

However my priority is my DS and while things are in the open I'm cool with that.

Oh I think for lots of girls the geeky & nerdy boys are by far the best!!! Problem is the girls often lack self confidence as teenagers - once she gets the confidence and self belief to be with who she wants/live her life how she wants boys like your son will be in high demand indeed!