Interested to see whether IABU or not - is this what happens in your family?

[goldenticket]

I have two very good friends who each have 4 children. I and my children love spending time with them (normally separately as they don't really know each other) and we always have a good laugh. However, it's gradually dawned on me as our children get older that both these families have lots of "in" jokes about other people - nicknames etc - and they will laugh about them in a way that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable (and mortified that behind closed doors they might be doing the same about us!). I have to say it's not malicious (mostly) but it's very unfamiliar to me as my own family when I was young didn't do this at all.

What do you think? Do you do this with your kids?

More than happy to be told this is quite normal btw!

Oh God yes! Me and DP have a laugh about all of our friends and family behind closed doors. We also like to impersonate them, the favourite's being my mum and his grandad. It's not malicious though, and it is strictly between the two of us.

Don't know why I've put an apostrophe in favourites, that's definitely unreasonable...

I call a couple I know Mr and Mrs Perfect. It's complimentary - they are really rather perfect

No, I don't believe we do behave in such a way. Got better things to do than discuss other people...

we used to be really bitchy about friends (thinking we were hilariously funny) and then one day it dawned on us we were actually in danger of being really nasty people. We now hardly ever say horrible things about others (tend to reserve it for MIL)

Actually, now that I think about it, I take the piss out of my mum (thick Cockney accent and a bit of a hypochonriac) dad (Jafacian accent) and FIL (lazy bastard) all to their faces, as they do to me. It's all lighthearted. Maybe we're not normal!

Yes of course we pick our friends to pieces in the privacy of our own home. But not in a nasty way - just as an analytical exercise, a way of getting on the same page.

There are Mums at school who'll try and get me to laugh along with their bitchy/witty comments about other mums ... I don't like it ... I always think ... what do they say about me? ... what sort of a person am I if I laugh and then carry on being friends with the other ridiculed mum... ????
I usually smile politely and find an excuse to move to another group of mums!

Yes. Me and my husband do have nicknames for some people. And opinions about them.

We never laugh or discuss them or anything in front of the kids though. Or in front of or with other friends. But yes, in private, we do discuss them. And sometimes we think they are being stupid. And sometimes we laugh at them (if they are being stupid).

My parents have always done this - imitate accents, ridicule people etc. I hate it and find it bitchy and childish. DP and I certainly do what Bonsoir says - analyse friends' actions and sometimes are geniunely baffled by things they do but we don't generally take the piss out of friends behind their backs.

Might occasionally do this with dh in private, but certainly never in front of any children or friends.

No, I don't do anything like that OP. Would feel uncomfortable being exposed to it in other people, too.

The only couple i know who does this are BIL and SIL. They also happen to be two bitter people with a bad marriage (no love, no sex, no respect but very good at keeping appearances). I think the two things are connected.

Ok i'm doing the same now, i'm bitching

i have friends who do this too, but i don't think they're ever malicious ... however this did lead to a major misunderstanding (and if she's reading this she'll know now exactly who i am) as one time she told me a long convoluted story about a girl who didn't realise she had a moustache, and i thought she was talking about me and trying to find a gentle way to tell me, and got totally paranoid.

apparently i don't have a moustache though, so it's OK.

We have family jokes about people i that's what you mean. By that I mean that we will remember some really insignificant thing that they said or did and it will be a sort of bond between us.

It's not that we're laughing at them really its just something amusing for us iykwim.

My siblings and I still do this about things that happened when we were growing up. One difference is that my parents wouldn't have been involved whereas I love to laugh with my DCs.

I think as an outsider its often difficult to understand how other families interact and I do agree that the more children there are the more likely this is to happen.

Interesting.

I have to stress that the vast majority of it could be classed as affectionate piss-taking or observation. But i know they take the piss out of how people talk or behave, including the children's own friends.

Dunno really - I'm not sure everyone would see the funny side.

My parents did and my mum and stepdad still do this a lot, it cripples me. I always feel like I am a target. If they laugh so much about other people and complain about everybody, I can't believe they don't do it for me and my family too. It is awful to live with TBH, having the constant feeling that you are being critised all the time.
My parents did affectionate piss take of talking and other stuff too, it doesn't make for a confident child IMO.
Deeply it is mean. Are you laughing at your neighbour stammer or blindness like the japanese??

I mean, Japanese historically have a lot of jokes about blind people (they are funny apparently).

We try not to say things that we couldn't say to their faces.

If I'm with a crowd of Mums in the playground and they start bitching about someone, I launch my Pollyanna smile and say something nice about the person. And then I go off and find someone else to talk to, so they can carry on comfortably. I picked this tip up from a friend who does the same, and the thing is, I trust that friend totally. I know she is never going to bitch about me behind my back. And I like that.

I really don't like this, i can't stand people who are mean behind peoples backs',and lovely to their face,it makes my blood boil!

Plus,you can bet if a group of people do this when you're present, about other 'friends',they'll be doing the same about you when they're with those others! IYSWIM

Catherder - you sound like my kind of person!

I think they'd be mortified if anyone thought it was bitchy tbh. We were with one of the families yesterday and the children were joking about and imitating how this particular aunt laughed. If it had been my kids, I might have just raised my eyebrows at them but I looked over to see my friend in stitches. The other friend has also told me in passing how her kids have picked up on a particular phrase my dd uses, which means that it must have been discussed and laughed about. It just makes me feel uncomfortable, especially with the children involved iykwim.

candleshoe I was going to say that too.