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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally pissed at DH...

79 replies

mellyjelly · 22/02/2011 22:03

Our baby is 3 months...

I look after her 24/7 generally... And he takes her when he can.

So, works all day, goes running, comes back for a bath, by then it's her bedtime.

Tonight he wanted to go out with his friends, which is fine because he does work hard and I am expecting him to have her on Sunday night so I can go for dinner with mine.

He was supposed to have her until he went out at 8.00, so I could have a quick tidy up, maybe watch eastenders etc, then he goes out. She's usually in bed at 9...

His friends show up at 7. They all leave.

She screams the place down. Hysterically. Like I've never heard her cry before. I call him to cone home after an hour because she's my first baby and I just ran out of things to try and was starting to panic.

Of COURSE as soon as he walks in the door (pissed off) she stops screaming, but she's still breathing raggedy, red tear streaked face so I think quite obvious she's been hysterical.

He's so angry, so am I.

Now apparently he's going to have a make up session with his friends Sunday. When I was going out.

I don't go running, I don't go to work, I don't go out once a week.

I want him to give me back my night I've been looking forward to for weeks and swallow the fact that he had to cut his night short.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Original poster
mellyjelly · 22/02/2011 22:42

Get? Her! Predictive text.

OP posts:
kittycat37 · 22/02/2011 22:43

TheSecondComing - 'babys cry btw HTH'

HOW PATRONISING??????

OP has already pointed out she was worried because it wasn't like usual crying.

Surely those of us with babies have all had those panicky moments?

I though MN was supposed to be supportive.

NonnoMum · 22/02/2011 22:44

He can take you out on Sunday. And arrange a babysitter.

sounds like you need a bit of a treat.

squeakytoy · 22/02/2011 22:44

Let your mum do her first babysitting stint. I am sure she will be more than happy to, and also more than capable too.. she brought you up didnt she? :)

That way, you can both go out..

BrandyAlexander · 22/02/2011 22:46

TSC - You were clearly an all knowing sage when your first baby was 3 months old. Here.... have a medal.

abbierhodes · 22/02/2011 22:46

Well he can't insist on going out Sunday, can he? Not if you don't agree to it? She's his baby too, you have to negotiate on these things when you have responsibilities. Tell him that you are simply not free Sunday to take care of the baby, your plans were made first.

TheSleepFairy · 22/02/2011 22:49

YWU for calling him although I understand why you did, I'm suprised he came home tbh.

He is BVU for trying to steal your night out.

I'd say sorry for calling him to come home & then hopefully he will understand he is being childish for wanting to go out on Sunday.

Your mum would probably feel very proud if you asked her to look aftr your baby, you could ask & then go out with your DH?

abbierhodes · 22/02/2011 22:49

I wouldn't give in and get a babysitter, I can totally see why you want to relax knowing she's in the care of her Dad the first time you go out. How could you relax? What if OP wants a drink...one of you will need to be sober when you get home, and with it next morning to take care of the baby. This should be her DH on this occasion, as he's already agreed to it.

TheSecondComing · 22/02/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo · 22/02/2011 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EightiesChick · 22/02/2011 22:55

YANBU. Tell him he can go out another night. It was a shame that your DD had a meltdown but it was only a night out: he can easily have another one - just not the same night as you.

Original poster
mellyjelly · 22/02/2011 22:57

Wow you really are argumentative Thesecondcoming!

She was completely hysterical, crying absolutely ferociously, I was worried about her breathing.

In the 3 months I've had her she has cried, a lot sometimes, sometimes she's sick a lot, sometimes she won't sleep, a few times she has had a temperature, but I've never been as worried as I was tonight because it was absolutely not like her.

I love my DH, I was annoyed that he left early because it meant I didn't get a chance to wash up all the bottles, but I would never intentionally ruin his night. I already said I apologised when I called him.

OP posts:
Merrylegs · 22/02/2011 22:59

This is so sad. You have had a baby. Life is going to be different for a while.

It is massively stressful being stuck by yourself with a screaming baby. It was unfortunate it happened on 'his' night out, but that's the thing with babies. Plans change. You needed his support and he came home and gave it.

But why should that be at a cost to you?

He is the parent also.

It is massively churlish of him to punish you by arranging a 'make up' night on the one evening you had planned to go out. A really low blow, actually.

Sounds like you feel rather alone in bringing up baby. Have you told him?

squeakytoy · 22/02/2011 22:59

daft question, but why couldnt he just go back out again once he had come home to check everything was ok?

Original poster
mellyjelly · 22/02/2011 23:01

She's didn't calm down. He's taken her for a drive.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 22/02/2011 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mellyjelly · 22/02/2011 23:03

She did for a bit... Then I put her down and she started again. Maybe a belly ache?

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 22/02/2011 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rockingrobyn · 22/02/2011 23:19

YANBU...

The Second Coming is though. Trying to be controversial no doubt.

springbokdoc · 22/02/2011 23:21

mellyjelly I also have a little one about the same age. I completely understand where you were coming from wrt calling him. I have woken up my dh in the middle of the night because ds would just not stop crying and I couldn't work out what was wrong. as soon as dh woke up and held him he stopped. I think they can feed off our own anxieties and need someone different to take over for a min. I completely think it's reasonable to ask your partner for help.

(FWIW, with our little one it's colic - ah the relief with discovering gripe water. Bugger to get down but after 10 mins he settles. Bliss)

TheSecondComing · 22/02/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rockingrobyn · 22/02/2011 23:23

No, I just feel for the OP.

abenstille · 22/02/2011 23:26

YANBU, if you were to go out sunday night, get a call to come back as DD is hysterical, I presume you'd be back in a flash with arms aching for a cuddle. It works both ways. I too have experienced some dreadful crying episodes and made panicked calls for help. It doesnt happen often, but I need to know someone at least cares.

Original poster
mellyjelly · 22/02/2011 23:27

Thanks springbok..

Yes, gripe water is fantastic but absolute hell to make her drink it!

DH says Sunday is the only night they can all do, and it's not punishing me.

I'll talk to him more tomorrow when things have calmed down.

Thankfully, she went quite easily from carseat to Moses basket and seems to be staying asleep!!!

OP posts:
EightiesChick · 22/02/2011 23:35

It IS clearly punishing you. Plus what's wrong with a night next week? Do talk to him tomorrow.Fingers crossed she stays asleep now.

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