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Allow me this rant. My mother is sending me INSANE

96 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 17:13

I've had my mother staying with me since last week as she is having a new kitchen and bathroom fitted. When I offered to put her up, I thought "oh it'll be lovely having nanna around for DS/someone to chat to in the mornings" etc etc.All it has done is conform why I would never, ever move back home if DH and I went tits up.

A selection of things she has done to wond me up this week;

  • Sat plucking her moustache in front of the telly last night whilst DH and I were trying to watch telly. Not even plucking it in front of a mirror, just sat there wildly plucking whilst gawping at the gogglebox...

-Used a tub of olive oil spread in 4 days, by spreading an inch-thick layer of the stuff every time she makes toast/hot cross buns.

  • After I cooked a roast dinner on sunday, went into the kitchen 2 hours later to rustle up a chicken sandwich. I laughingly told her she couldn't really be hungry and she accused me of serving up tiny portions Hmm (I don't, I just don't serve up the EU food reserves on one plate like some people...)
  • Asked if she could buy DS a cake from the shops. I said yes but just a small one as he'd wolfed a packet of buttons and a Curly Wurly that day. She returns with a Belgian bun the size of BELGIUM.
  • Flushed the bog at 6am despite my asking her not to as it renders the shower freezing for an hour afterwards and DH uses the shower at 6.15 (yes, I am getting that fixed but not until next week...)
  • Told me "that's bad" thsi morning when I explained AGAIN why she can't flush bog at 6am. So sorry that Hotel Cunting is not up to your exacting standards, ma'am.

-Constantly having digs at me about how I choose to parent my child.

  • Told me it was about time after I made DH a butty for work on Monday.
  • Keeps telling me that my house is too cold.It is not. The thermometer tells me as much.
OP posts:
YouCouldntMakeItup · 22/02/2011 19:53

Hugely entertained by this, even though I dont have a Mum any more! I should be telling you to treasure her, etc, but all I can think of is, must not treat DC like this when older!

RIZZ0 · 22/02/2011 19:53

x-post agreeing with Bup on profanities shocker...

Udderly · 22/02/2011 20:11

Oh I am so delighted I found this thread. I thought I was going slightly mental since having my DD as my wonderful helpful mother is driving me bonkers. There is the daily monologue 'Is she tired? I wonder would she be hungry?'. I actually get twitchy now every time she says it. One day I'm going to turn around and say 'Gosh, I never thought of that!'. Except I'm not, as I do love her dearly. I have noticed she is becoming odder as she gets older!!

CrystalStair · 22/02/2011 20:15

Was for DS though? My kids never knew ANY of their grandparents. Not really. I would put up with all the above to have them here now.

mrsgetonwithit · 22/02/2011 20:21

When visiting my mu she must say to my son about twenty times in a 4 hour visit

''do you want a twirl?''

It drives me mad like she will be force feeding him choc bars next.

The ''look bitch'' line I am still chuckling at that one.

Riddo · 22/02/2011 20:25

am crying with laughter over "Look, bitch..." Grin

mrsgetonwithit · 22/02/2011 20:28

Everytime I read ''look bitch'' i start laughing my family think I have gone mad.

RIZZ0 · 22/02/2011 20:30
bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 20:38

I've just thought of "Look, bitch" whilst bathing DS and spray-LOLed everywhere...

ANOTHER thing I forgot to add to the list; ALL WEEK, at 8.30, when I am nice and settled and wataching the idiot-box, she will get her mobile phone out and proceed to have a conversation, at length and volume, with a friend. She makes NO effort to hush her voice, just carries right on BLARING OUT.

I had a bit of a pop about it on monday when watching Corrie and she did the lamest excuse EVER "I just wanted to talk to Judy" Well take your phone into the fucking dining room/kitchen/wherever.

I AM normal in finding this rude, aren't I? Because she looked at me like I'd asked her to take a shit in the middle of Piccadilly Circus at rush-hour.

OP posts:
FoundWanting · 22/02/2011 20:46

bupcakes You think you might like my mum? Hmm

She can't pluck her moustache without a mirror, I'm sure. She also can't keep an opinion to herself, no matter how upsetting it may be.

For example, when DBro had failed all but 2 of his 'O' levels, "Oh Mum, I must be such a disappointment to you."

Mum: "Well, I wasn't going to bring it up, but now you've mentioned it...."

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 20:53

Awwww, your poor bro'...

This is going to sound VERY mean but we are now watching Gok's Fashion Fuck-Up and she is slagging off the poor women on the catwalk. Am trying to resist telling her that she shouldn't be so mean when she is starting to resemble Les Dawson.

OP posts:
practicallyimperfect · 22/02/2011 20:58

No bupcakes that is rude. My mum rings me, often at dinner time. Every time I tell her that we are eating (if I don't answer she keeps ringing as she thinks I can't hear phone), and she apologises then says "anyway I was just ringing to say.." it is never something quick!

Udderly my mum does this. Is he tired, is he hungry? Is he cold? Or my favourite is when she tells me that he must be allergic to something (usually our cats), or have I ever thought of putting him to bed later/earlier, feeding him more/less bread. I just smile and grit my teeth.

Acanthus · 22/02/2011 20:58

Ah but at least she's not on the phone!

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 21:07

practically my mother does this. If she gets no reply from the mobile, then she'll try the landline. No reply on landline then she'll try DH's mobile. No reply on DH's mobile, back to my mobile.

Drives me berserk.

OP posts:
FoundWanting · 22/02/2011 21:09

I really want to use "Look, bitch..."

My mum only phones my mobile if the landline is engaged.

Normal people might assume that the landline is engaged because I'm talking to someone, right?

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 22/02/2011 21:12

Les Dawson
Mean but v funny.

UrsulaBuffay · 22/02/2011 21:13

ROAR at the chin plucking!

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 21:16

DH is working late tonight and thus will not be home until 9.30. He rang with a request that I make him two veggie burgers as a snack. I've just put them under the grill.

Mother; "are you grilling Mr Cunting's burgers?"

Me: "Yes."

Mother: "Because I can smell them."

Me: "You can smell them because food smells when it's being cooked."

FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

OP posts:
FoundWanting · 22/02/2011 21:20

How much longer is she staying? Grin

RIZZ0 · 22/02/2011 21:26

Bup you should blog about Les your mum.

shirazgirl · 22/02/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bupcakesandcunting · 22/02/2011 21:40

I hope think this is her last night.

Mumblog would finish me off Grin

OP posts:
HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 22/02/2011 22:01

As apposed to a mumlog (6am)

Gleekfreak · 22/02/2011 22:11

Stop, stop, stop, this is too too funny! Husband looking at me oddly as PMSL! Thank you for such a fab thread-haven't read such a funny one since poo gate :o

TheNoodlesIncident · 22/02/2011 22:30

I need to know what Bupcake's mum did with the moustache hairs she plucked out. She wasn't quietly wiping them on the sofa was she?....

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