Allow me this rant. My mother is sending me INSANE

[bupcakesandcunting]

I've had my mother staying with me since last week as she is having a new kitchen and bathroom fitted. When I offered to put her up, I thought "oh it'll be lovely having nanna around for DS/someone to chat to in the mornings" etc etc.All it has done is conform why I would never, ever move back home if DH and I went tits up.

A selection of things she has done to wond me up this week;

• Sat plucking her moustache in front of the telly last night whilst DH and I were trying to watch telly. Not even plucking it in front of a mirror, just sat there wildly plucking whilst gawping at the gogglebox...

-Used a tub of olive oil spread in 4 days, by spreading an inch-thick layer of the stuff every time she makes toast/hot cross buns.

• After I cooked a roast dinner on sunday, went into the kitchen 2 hours later to rustle up a chicken sandwich. I laughingly told her she couldn't really be hungry and she accused me of serving up tiny portions (I don't, I just don't serve up the EU food reserves on one plate like some people...)

• Asked if she could buy DS a cake from the shops. I said yes but just a small one as he'd wolfed a packet of buttons and a Curly Wurly that day. She returns with a Belgian bun the size of BELGIUM.

• Flushed the bog at 6am despite my asking her not to as it renders the shower freezing for an hour afterwards and DH uses the shower at 6.15 (yes, I am getting that fixed but not until next week...)

• Told me "that's bad" thsi morning when I explained AGAIN why she can't flush bog at 6am. So sorry that Hotel Cunting is not up to your exacting standards, ma'am.

-Constantly having digs at me about how I choose to parent my child.

• Told me it was about time after I made DH a butty for work on Monday.

• Keeps telling me that my house is too cold.It is not. The thermometer tells me as much.

OP - are you sure you don't have my mum staying?

This thread is hilarious!

I think you are lucky, she doesn't sound that bad. Except for commenting on your parenting and making dh a butty.

I can't stand letting my mum in my hallway for 5 minutes let alone into the rest of the house. Regardless of what my hall (for that's usually all she gets to see) actually looks like she goes on about the state of my house and what do I do with my time. She actually stood in my hall one day and told me it was a mess, where was the mess I asked,she said that plant. Yes, the plant I carefully placed in the corner because I thought it looked nice there. I probably wouldn't even know if she was getting a new bath/kit. because she never tells me anything.

My mother drives me mad too, when she comes to visit. But I still love her dearly and invite her regularly.

So, you are maybe being unreasonable, but at the same time, reason doesn't come into it, does it? Mothers can be sooooo irritating.

Hm, except me, of course. My children think I am delightful and always will....

The latest in the saga...

Said I was cooking pasta puttanesca from the Jamie Oliver 30 Min book tonight. She did a face that resembled a constipated prune and told me that she would prefer to have the Spicy Beef Burritos that she's bought from Morrisons earlier (she prefers packet bought shite to home-cooked shite, but that's another thread) I said "Oh, if you really want it OK" then she said "actually, I'll have the spaghetti" So did her the spag.

She ate it but did this pained face all the way through, like an offended bulldog. I asked her if everything was OK with her dinner and she told me that tuna with the spaghetti was an acquired taste. Heh heh, I said. I thought that when I used to be force-fed Tuna Pasta Bake for most of the 1980s...

Ye Gods...

Keep posting! You have a great way with words

You got off lightly bupcakes.

My sister announced that she was making pasta puttanesca one night, and darling mother said, "Yes, that sounds about right for you."

Just keep venting here cos its giving me a good laugh until she goes home!

ROFL FoundWanting That is excellent. I think I might like your mum

I daresay there will be more to come. She's just been down the shops, like a fucking martyr, to purchase more Bertolli spread after I told her it wasn't necessary. She insisted and went down, looking pained, like I had threatened to disembowel her if she disobeyed.

Foundwanting I'm intrigued, and impressed... that remark says so much in so few words

Wotcha Bup

Perhaps you should have doubled the chilli in the puttanesca - then your mum could have "evacuated" before bedtime?

ROFL @ bupcakes DM

"Perhaps you should have doubled the chilli in the puttanesca - then your mum could have "evacuated" before bedtime?"

That leads me on to ANOTHER puttanesca related bit of strife...

I omitted the chilli from the recipe completely as mother dearest has the constitution of a Victorian child. However, I gave my own a liberal dusting of chilli flakes at the table. She didn't clock the flakes until her plate was half eaten then went "What's in the jar?" "Dried chilli flakes" said I. THEN, then, right, she starts coughing, asking me how much I'd put in hers.

Fucks.

Sake.

Victorian child

It's true. She needs the smelling salts if anything stronger than a Korma enters her blowhole...

Oh no my mum arrives tomorrow, but only for two days. I love seeing her, but my house will never be clean enough. She once brought her own cup and plate!

Imagine, one day our kids will be on MN talking about us! Lol

oh god... I can't past the mustache plucking... ICK!!! Its one of those things that is completely gross and not what you want to see but also will laugh later about it, I'm sure.

I feel for you. But it won't be much longer.

this reminds me of the ridonculous 'holiday' my DH and I once had with my parents, shortly after having DD1... this change in our dynamics, me being the mum and her not being on her own territory, set in motion a terrifying range of behaviours including actually buying the timeshare we had stayed in for 36hrs in order to gain the upper hand.

we had a stand off about the shape of a rump steak in tesco, she refused to stop to buy a bag of chips on the way back to the holiday home 'her car, her rules....(i was 31 at the time)' and she refused to put the telly below ear splitting levels after putting the wee one to bed (deaf as a fecking post). my dad just sat there impotently while she lorded over everyone.

the whole holiday i kept rehearsing a confrontation speech in my head but could never get beyond 'look, bitch....'

I saw my Mum at my DSis's today.

She said to my DS

"Won't be long till you're off to UNIVERSITY"

DS said, "Do I have to go to University?"

Mum: "Well no. Only if you want a Proper Job. If you want to be a [disdain] Car Mechanic then you don't need to go."

This was in front of DSis, whose DD left school at 16, and who now has a job after a couple of false starts (which is normal these days I think).

I pointed out to DS that plenty of people chose not to go to university and get jobs instead.

I forebore to point out that my teachers at school kept saying I should go to university but Mum was no support whatsoever and I left at 16 to get a job like every other female in my family. Although to be fair she does say she feels bad about this now.

Not really funny but feeling very down about lack of career/wasted life today.

"the whole holiday i kept rehearsing a confrontation speech in my head but could never get beyond 'look, bitch....'"

Am pissing my pants here...

blinks

one for ridonculous (love that word)

and another for "look, bitch..."

Love that she bought the timeshare from under you...