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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder if there are any supportive and kind MNers?

304 replies

verbalreasoning · 21/02/2011 21:12

I had high hopes when I joined MN that I would find a community of helpful, supportive, kind and caring people ... Mums in other words!

So far I have found a few witty and brilliant characters but mostly every thread I've lurked/posted on has been populated by violently opinionated and judgemental people.

Am I on the wrong threads or is the anonimity of MN the root of the problem. Where are all the nice mumsy types hiding? Are they just lurking so they don't get flamed?

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/02/2011 22:59

Go over to miscarriage and loss. I wouldn't have survived the last month without the people there. Yes we're mostly all vipers but if you want support there is shedloads of it on MN.

plupedantic · 21/02/2011 22:59

And as a measure of what fun MN can be, I am having to force myself to turn off and go to bed!

Night all!

fit2drop · 21/02/2011 23:25

I too am violently opinionated but I save my spleen for people who ask for it in RL rather than randomly dishing out hatred to poor Mums who are simply asking for advice! I've seen that happen so often on here - it is like a pack of dogs sensing a weak member of the pack! Very motherly NOT!

A tad harsh from someone who by their own admission has not been aroun MN for long . So you are being judgemental on the few threads and posts you have seen. Many many forums have moments of "opinionated uppiness" shrugs just like real life mates really, I have cut and pasted this from a previous post of mine(not so long ago , so its getting a tad repetative now , as are these posts about pack metalities and bullying etc ))

  • I think any long term posters will always come across as clique to new people who are still finding their feet. MN is a bit too big to get cliquey though (I would have thought). Friendships on any forum are formed , same as in real life I guess with a build up of trust and respect which comes over time . I haven't been overly welcomed ( a good thing , a bit too jolly hockey sticks and desperate when that happens) but I haven't been totally ignored either. Just because someone does not agree with your sentiments on a particular thread does not mean they are being mean to you or singling you out or bullying. . shrugs tis the way it is, get over it and move on , post and be damned / or not .Grin.

peace x

BooyFuckingHoo · 21/02/2011 23:28

i think some regs have got a adre going at teh minute to see who gets the harshest flaming on these type of threads. tehre have been far too many of them for it to be a coincidence. i am buying none of it i tell ya. i'll be watching you all!!

Grin
BooyFuckingHoo · 21/02/2011 23:28

ahem, that'll be a dare

ImFab · 22/02/2011 07:19

Bibi! I was wondering how you were doing yesterday.

Ormirian · 22/02/2011 07:25

"mumsy" ??! I should bloody well hope not!

Kind,supportive and helpful? Loads of 'em ?

I suggedt you stay off AIBU if your experience is otherwise

Mrswhiskerson · 22/02/2011 07:39

There are actually some lovely people on here , I have had some amazing support , it's just like rl really you get a mixture of all sorts and if someone says something you don't like stick up for yourself .MN isn't a place where fluffy bunnies frolic and people skip through meadows why should it be ? Real life is not like that either but if you stick around you will find some very nice people (and hilarious ones) .

slipperandpjsmum · 22/02/2011 08:17

AIBU is a thread mainly for people looking for an argument I have found. I don't often post on here and certainly would never post if I were looking for support or advice.

Somehow this thread has morphed into a forum for all that is unpleasant in people - spite, judgement, lack of patience or empathy and some times plain nasty (veiled in humour) the worst part is the main offenders do not even see it.

There are lots of lovely threads on here where the vast majority of mums offer kindness and support. If thats what you are looking for post on other threas and avoid AIBU!!!

BeerTricksPotter · 22/02/2011 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellavita · 22/02/2011 08:34

I am nice, honestly!

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 22/02/2011 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 22/02/2011 08:37

I have found Mumsnet very supportive; like having my own viper-tongued private little therapist Grin

BeribbonedGibbon · 22/02/2011 08:47

This place can move mountains for people and has done many times.

It has gone a bit weird lately. At the risk of sounding like I'm harking back to the good old days, it was a different place years ago. Just as much wit, more debate and less knee jerk judgment.

But it has grown. Everything evolves. You can find support when you need it though. Of that I have no doubt.

Yukana · 22/02/2011 09:32

I'm quite weird, but I like it that way. :) I always make an effort to be nice to people! (And apologise if I'm in my hormonal pregnancy mood...)

Original poster
verbalreasoning · 22/02/2011 09:33

You sound a very sage Mner BeribbonedGibbon. I am not 'mumsy' either but I think that this bullying pack mentality is really off-putting. To anyone who is used to an academic/business environment where one has to demonstrate reasoned argument and evidence for any statements made it is a bit of a shock that people are so free with their ignorant prejudices!

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 22/02/2011 09:33

Who are the bullies then? And on what basis do you assume it's a 'bullying pack mentality'?

Niceallthetime · 22/02/2011 09:38

Hi verbalreasoning YANBU, the tone of some mn's posts on here is staggering, hardly a friendly bunch are they, just take a look at ApocalypseCheeseToasties's thread in AIBU suggesting that mn is overun with "Inbred Twats" how rude and unkind who does he/she think she is, another is Vallhala's tone if she disagrees with you she turns verbally unpleasant. It's like a pack of dogs on here raoming unleashed to attack the next nice mn. Keep away before your the next victim Grin

< waiting for the mn's onslaught of hatred & vile>

TrillianAstra · 22/02/2011 09:40

"helpful, supportive, kind and caring people ... Mums in other words!"

What makes you think that Mums are more likely to be helpful or supportive or kind or caring?

Is there something about the act of reproducing that bestows these qualities? Or is it that only people like this would become mothers?

Original poster
verbalreasoning · 22/02/2011 09:41

Oh I give up!

OP posts:
lovenamechange100 · 22/02/2011 09:44

YANBU - I cant believe there are people who have posted mickey take answers on this thread, when you are asking a perfectly resasonable question, and there seem to be some who want to defend their right to be nasty and seem to have only one mode of response no matter what a thread is about.

There are other lovely threads with great friendly welcomes and advice. I have found a few recently after returning to MN. I do find AIBU has grown into a beast of a board. I know this is isnt RL but people do bring their RL problems/queries on here seeking genuine responses (even if they seem silly or shocking) and shold still be treated with respect.

Niceallthetime · 22/02/2011 09:44

oh dear I can see this thread turning into a whole lot of troll'ble

baskingseals · 22/02/2011 09:46

yabu op

i think mn is like most things in life - it's what you make it

if are kind and supportive, funnily enough you tend to get kindness and support in return

Hullygully · 22/02/2011 09:48

I can't stand ApocalypseCheese. She is so rude. She hasn't got any manners at all. Not even common decency. And Valhalla is like an avenging monster with no manners or common decency. Also BIWI is horrible and spiteful and Trillian is nasty and not one bit like a mum.

Orm and Gibbon are in a cult.

Be careful.

crockydoodle · 22/02/2011 09:52

Verbal Reasoning - I agree entirely with you - you only have to look at the tone of some replies on this very thread to see it. I have been about mn a long time and rarely post as I am not great at articulating myself and find my words can be twisted to mean something other than what I meant.

So YANBU