Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's me or the dog ...

64 replies

BigMommaJo72 · 21/02/2011 19:41

I'm a bit of a lurker, and this is my first post, but I need some advice on this.

I've been seeing my DP for 5 months, and everything seems to be going well in all areas. However, he has a very badly behaved Weimaraner, and although I like dogs (I have a choccy lab at home) this dog drives me nuts and he won't hear a word against it.

Today, the dog was jumping up at me and I pushed him down, at which point he promptly bit me very hard on the wrist. My DP didn't see this happen, and when I told him, he simply shrugged, even when I showed him the bite marks.

Am I being unreasonable in at least expecting sympathy, and putting me first before the dog. If my lab did this,I would be mortified. I'm seriously considering finishing what is otherwise a great relationship as I just can't cope with this animal.

OP posts:
JoolstheKeys · 21/02/2011 19:46

YABU. What do you expect him to do? Have the dog put down? Ok, maybe he could have given you a bit of sympathy, but he's the dog a lot longer than he's had you I presume.

LaWeasel · 21/02/2011 19:46

There are lots of posters with good advice for training the dog.

But basically, if he won't accept that there is a problem and isn't bothered that his dog bit you, than YANBU and that relationship is not going to work!

joydivisionovengloves · 21/02/2011 19:47

YANBU. I wouldn't play second fiddle to a dog for any man.

Ormirian · 21/02/2011 19:47

Dog needs training. Sounds like owner does too Grin

LaWeasel · 21/02/2011 19:48

? Jools - why couldn't he say 'oh I'm so sorry' and start looking for dog trainers? Do you expect her to potential move in with a dog that bites?

BluddyMoFo · 21/02/2011 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 21/02/2011 19:51

The dog needs proper training. DIL's family had one and it bit my stepson badly. They are quite snappy dogs if they are not well trained.

If he isnt prepared to get the dog trained, there isnt a lot of future for the relationship I am afraid.

BitOfFun · 21/02/2011 19:52

His reaction is more worrying than the bite, tbh. Dump him.

GrimmaTheNome · 21/02/2011 19:53

Your DP is being a nob. A large poorly trained animal which leaves bite marks is not something to shrug off.

I'm not really bothered about pack order between you and the dog Grin but please try to make him see sense and get some training - if the dog does the same thing to a stranger, it may be curtains for the poor animal (who doesn't know better).

JoolstheKeys · 21/02/2011 19:56

Does he have any children? If he hasn't, I can understand (although not agree with) his reaction. Some people see their animals like their own babies and he will naturally become very defensive if he knows you don't like the dog. Was it definately an agressive bit? Perhaps he was just playing?

mmsmum · 21/02/2011 19:56

There was an episode about this exact problem or 'it's me or the dog' I think you can still watch the episode online and strongly advise you make dp watch it! It was exactly the same situation, I think it was a husky but not sure, the man didn't believe how bad his dog was with his gf until he saw it on tape!

LaWeasel · 21/02/2011 19:57

Playing that leaves bite marks is not acceptable and has to be trained out.

It really annoys me when people use this as an excuse. I have scars on my right wrist from a dog 'playing' of course it could have hurt me more, but it shouldn't have done it at all!

Original poster
BigMommaJo72 · 21/02/2011 19:59

The dog is 8 years old, so hardly a puppy, but still got a few more years in it still!

He has a young daughter that doesn't live with him, but I must admit Jools that he does see this dog as a baby, to the extent that it often sleeps on the bed with us!! Shock

OP posts:
JoolstheKeys · 21/02/2011 20:00

On the bed? Or between you?

Original poster
BigMommaJo72 · 21/02/2011 20:01

Often between us!! Angry while my poor Lab sleeps in the kitchen!!

OP posts:
JoolstheKeys · 21/02/2011 20:04

So what happens when you have sexy time?

Original poster
BigMommaJo72 · 21/02/2011 20:06

Then he's perfectly willing to let the dog go downstairs!! But if I'm completely honest a great big dog lying on top of you isn't gonna put you in the mood

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 21/02/2011 20:12

Get rid...him that is not the dog if that's his attitude.

FabbyChic · 21/02/2011 20:15

YOu have been with him five months, I doubt he would get rid of his dog as opposed to you.

YOu could suggest obedience classes.

NinkyNonker · 21/02/2011 20:17

Dog shouldn't have bitten you, but after 5 months I wouldn't get rid of my dog for a boyfriend/girlfriend.

northerngirl41 · 21/02/2011 20:38

Weimaraners are really loopy dogs. Neurotic inbreed and not enough intelligence to know they are stupid. (obviously just my opinion but have family who are big fans of this breed and have had a number of them and one of my colleagues also has one too and it's exactly the same). So basically this is entirely normal behaviour for one of these dogs, it's not going to get any better.

Bearing in mind that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas (or until something better comes along!) your partner is not going to get rid of the dog. He made a commitment to it when he got it, and if he shirks out of that commitment, guess which commitment he'll be chucking out the window next? (That would be you!!!). So in some ways it's pretty honorable that he won't get rid of the dog. He's a keeper.

In terms of actually being able to live with it, is there something in particular that sets it off? You said you didn't want it jumping you on you, what does partner do when he does that?

We have a slightly neurotic pet of our own - well my pet actually since everyone else is inferior to getting my attention and she'll fight anyone who tries.... The house rule is to leave her alone and if you get bitten it means you didn't leave her alone. Strangely the only one I have to repeatedly explain this to is DH Wink , who seems to think she should respect his authority - pet is of course a cat, and he is wildly deluded. Grin

Could you work out some house rules for what is/isn't acceptable? (And no - biting is not acceptable, I'm just saying that pets usually have to be provoked).

BooyFuckingHoo · 21/02/2011 20:41

YABU

he has had his dog for 8 years and you have been his GF for 5 months. how awful would it be if he got rid of his dog and then you split up?

and actually, being a dog owner you should know how unreasonable you are. would you give up your dog for someone you have eben seeing 5 months? if yes then do you really have the dog's best interests at heart?

LaWeasel · 21/02/2011 20:44

SHE DID NOT ASK HIM TO GIVE UP THE DOG

BooyFuckingHoo · 21/02/2011 20:45

NO NEED TO SHOUT!!!

the title says it's me or the dog. that is what i was responding to. why type it as the title if it isn't what she meant?

Vallhala · 21/02/2011 20:47

You pushed the dog dog and now wonder why you are in this predicament? Hmm

Come on, you own a fair sized working breed. Surely you know that pushing a dog down when he jumps up is NOT the way to do it? Hmm

It sounds like there are 3 creatures in this scenario who need training! :)

Dog-centric person that I am, I will have to say that although this shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place, if anyone told me "It's me or the dog" I'd be asking them to close the door quietly on their way out.

Northerngirl, I love your house-rule. I have a very similar one of my own.

"If you get bitten by one of my dogs don't come to me for symoathy because you WILL have done something to deserve it."

:o