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Original poster

For this to make me so angry - obese teenager, todays Daily Telegraph

238 replies

foreverondiet · 21/02/2011 11:37

link

Basically, she was funded by her local health board to attend a programme in the USA at a cost of over £4k a month for a 9 month period....

"She said: "I'd been following a programme of healthy eating in the camp where I'd been living in North Carolina, America, and I'd learned to enjoy low-fat foods like salads, bagels, yoghurt and even buffalo meat. "I was really looking forward to trying it all out back home but, when I arrived, my mum said she hadn't had time to prepare any healthy food so we had fish and chips instead.

"From that moment on, I had a niggling feeling that things weren't going to work out."

OP posts:
SheikYerbouti · 21/02/2011 17:14

Nobody is immune to judging

But being fat makes her an easy target.

She is 17 fgs. She has had a shit life and is obviously depressed, as you would be in her situation.

Having been a fat teenager myself and a fat adult, I can tell you now it's not as easy as eating a few bits of carrot.

She has an eating disorder. Nobody wants to be that heavy. Her relationship with food is probably hugely complex, as is her relationship with her mother I imagine, and her problems won't go away because she went to a boot camp for 9 months.

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 17:16

I think that it is probably the lack of emotional support that is her main problem.

It is far easier to say "no" to something when you are supported in your decisions but this girl isnt. In America she had counsellors, friends and people supporting her on all sides so she could embrace this new life.

Back home she has a lazy feckless mother who is more concerned about her own needs, no counselling and no friends. So when her mother waves a bag of fish and chips under her nose then she is going to find it harder to say no.

There is certainly more to the mothers "needs" than meets the eye. I wonder if she doesnt want the daughter to lose weight because it will show that a)the mother should too and b) the daughter can have a life away from home that the mother doesnt want her to have.

How much temptation can one person really take before they give in? She had a wonderful life in America and when that was over she probably got depressed which along with the lack of support led her back into her addiction.

She need counselling and support and she hasnt had it her whole life apart from one tiny window of time that wasnt followed up on when she got home, depsite all the promises made. Her mother and the health authority both let her down on her return. And social services should be explaining why the hell she was allowed to stay in that home for that long suffering such abuse. Probably because a 10 year old is a cheaper carer than them paying for a professional to go into the mother, who incidentally probably owuldnt need caring for if she lost some weight herself.

SheikYerbouti · 21/02/2011 17:20
Unwind · 21/02/2011 17:21

SheikYerbouti - don't those arguments apply to the mother, just as much? She surely has an eating disorder of her own, and she is the one getting the brunt of the judgement here. She has neglected her responsibilities as a mother, but the daughter has chosen not to take responsibility for herself too.

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 17:24

Unwind, I dont think its far to say that the daughter has "chosen" not to take responsibility.

Its blindingly obvious that the relationship between the mother and child is unhealthy at best and manipulative at worst. As others have pointed out, there are women on MN right now who cant stand up to their mothers about things, so to expect a 17 year old to just turn around to her mother and say "Screw you, give me the housekeeping. I am doing the shopping from now on and you can just shut your gob and deal with it"

The money they get coming in (assuming benefits from the "carer" thing) will be paid to the mother until the girl is 18, so if the mother wont allow her any money then the girl cant force it can she? She sounds very depressed and as anyone who has had depression knows, it isnt as easy as "pulling yourself together" which what alot of people seem to be suggesting.

FioFio · 21/02/2011 17:26

This reply has been deleted

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begonyabampot · 21/02/2011 17:28

sounds like she came from an abusive background, whether that's food abuse or mental abuse this sounds like one damaged girl and all this started from when she was a child. It's generally accepted that abused children find it difficult to cope, and put the abuse behind them - especially when put back in that abusive situation. Why can't the same level of empathy be given to this girl as we would to any other abused child - and I still see 17 yr old as being a child - no matter what the law says.

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 17:28

I saw your links Fio and I think they were ignored because they didnt help the "Just eat salad FFS!" argument.

SheikYerbouti · 21/02/2011 17:30

Fio, I saw them, and I agreed with your statement that society in general has let this girl down (and others like her).

She want on her camp, and that was grand, but without the support on her return, it was obviously going to be short-lived. I mean, you wouldn't expect a drug addict to go on a rehab program and then expect them to go it alone after it was finished (not that I know much about rehab tbh, so I might be talking out of my large posterior, but I do know that recovering from an addition is a lifelong thing)

SueWhite · 21/02/2011 17:40

I feel very sorry for the girl and believe it is almost entirely the mother's fault. It's been shown that the way we are fed as a child sets the blueprint for how we eat for the rest of our lives. This is what it's important that small children don't get used to too much salt and sugar, otherwise they will always want it. I'm not sure if it's possible for someone who has been that fat that young to ever be a healthy weight. And you can blame that entirely on how they were brought up.

tyler80 · 21/02/2011 17:49

I almost wonder whether there's the thought that if she gets too fat, she'd be no longer able to be her mother's carer and be able to break that relationship?

Middlemarchlover · 21/02/2011 17:52

My Mum knew this girl for years when she was a kid, and she had such a hard life. She's been a carer pretty much constantly since 5 or 6, never really got much of a childhood. I just feel so sorry for her :( they must have known that without proper follow-up support it wouldn't work out...

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 17:53

I am sure that there is alot of that to do with it Tyler, although I am sure the mother would deny it. And as I said, it is in SS interest that the girl stays there too, as she is cheaper than them paying for carers.

begonyabampot · 21/02/2011 17:54

just looked at some photos of this girl and she looked great when she lost the weight and so much healthier and happy. FFS, where was the help for this girl when she was much younger and before she got into the sorry state she now finds herself in.

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 17:55

She's been a carer pretty much constantly since 5 or 6, never really got much of a childhood.

Thats awful MML :(

It makes me wonder if there is perhaps a part of her eating that is her saying "LOOK AT ME, I AM UNHAPPY, SOMEONE TAKE NOTICE OF ME AND CARE ABOUT ME AND HELP ME" :(

DeOilyCart · 21/02/2011 18:42

I felt really despairing when faced with this poor girl's photo on all the red top papers this morning. I thought I lived in a tolerant, understanding civilised country, not one where a teenager, under the age of 18, is publicly humiliated and hated for being emotionally and mentally disturbed.

For shame.

Boot camps, so beloved of popular TV are not adequate to address years of dysfunctional upbringing, and she was obviously cut loose when she came back.

Poor girl.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 21/02/2011 18:47

To the people who have said 'Why does she need the gym, she could just go out for a walk' - have any of you ever tried walking any distance carrying a load of nearly 30 stone?? Because that is what this lass would have to do!! I am half her weight, and my joints hurt and my back aches if I walk much past the end of our road. Plus carrying a lot of excess weight is tiring in and of itself.

And the poor girl is depressed - so she will lack motivation and will not have the 'get up and go' needed to argue with her mum and insist on cooking her own meals.

Give the poor girl a break. I blame the mother for this - as someone said earlier, it sounds as though she wants to keep her dd at home to be her carer. Hmm

headfairy · 21/02/2011 18:52

jeez dtsgirl.... I'm the same weight as you, either you have a very long road or you are have some other problems, because I can do much more than walk to the end of the road, and I don't really do any formal exercise routines.

PrincessStarla · 21/02/2011 18:53

What the girl needs is CBT, not a gastric band or balloon.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/02/2011 19:01

Excellent posts Sheik, Bogeyface and Fio.

Edinburghlass · 21/02/2011 22:14

Don't see why this was headline news this morning. Poor girl should be getting proper health care in private. Sounds like she's had a miserable start in life.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 21/02/2011 22:54

I have had problems with my knee joints since I was a teenager (I had growths on the underside of the patellas), so my knees have always been a bit of a weak point, which may have contributed to my other joints aching.

But the point that I was trying to make is that carrying a load like that - as I said, like a normal weight person carrying an extra 30 stone or more - is damned hard work, and makes 'just going for a walk' much harder - but thankyou for making me feel worse about myself, headfairy.

Sidge · 21/02/2011 23:26

What a sad sad story.

She doesn't need a gastric band - that doesn't tackle the underlying psychological problem which is multifaceted and complex in cases like these. People generally don't get to be 30 or 40 stone, especially before adulthood, without having some deep seated problems.

I find it terribly sad that if this girl was anorexic she would probably have huge amounts of therapy, residential support and nutritional advice sent her way. Yet her health is just at risk being so obese - she'll probably be dead by 40 if nothing changes Sad

PrincessStarla · 21/02/2011 23:28

I find it terribly sad that if this girl was anorexic she would probably have huge amounts of therapy, residential support and nutritional advice sent her way. Yet her health is just at risk being so obese - she'll probably be dead by 40 if nothing changes

So true. I can't understand why the morbidly obese don't get this while anorexics do- they are both eating disorders and both deadly.

cory · 22/02/2011 08:24

This sounds like one seriously fucked up teenager. She has been a carer pretty well all her life to a mother who is deliberately trying to keep her in submission- let's all turn round and blame her because she is not now able to domineer the mother and make her change the family lifestyle!

I'd say it is highly unlikely that this mother lets her have any money for healthy foods and unless the family is well off she probably doesn't have that kind of money kicking about. My own dd's monthly allowance would fund about two days' worth of healthy salads- so it's just as well that she is getting healthy food out of the family food budget. Which this poor girl clearly isn't.