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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it is slightly odd that male members of DH's family ask me if I'm breastfeeding?

72 replies

CrapBag · 20/02/2011 13:41

Ok, I know I have issues where men are concerned, some unpleasent experiences in my past that I don't want to go in to.

But I just find it odd that my FIL and DH's uncle both asked, almost straight away, if I am breastfeeding my DD.

My dad or grandad, brothers or friends DH's would never dream of asking such a question. I don't really want to discuss my boobs with men and I have no idea why they would even ask in the first place. I answered, because, as is my way, is to answer questions far too honestly and just feel a bit uncomfortable later on, plus I don't know how to say "I don't want to discuss my boobs with you thanks".

Does anyone else think it is unusual or am I just a bit weird? Smile

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 20/02/2011 13:42

Not unusual at all. Its one of the most obvious questions to ask about a newborn.

DerangedSibyl · 20/02/2011 13:42

YABU

this is your breasts in a child rearing capacity. They are asking you about how their tiny relative is going to be fed.

octopusinabox · 20/02/2011 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 20/02/2011 13:43

I don't think it's unusual.

They aren't asking about your breasts. They are asking about your child.

Original poster
CrapBag · 20/02/2011 13:44

Really?

I guess it is because of my issues then that I think it is odd.

Why do they care how I am feeding her though, Thats what I don't get either.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 20/02/2011 13:45

Yabu.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 20/02/2011 13:47

It's a very common thing.

Is she sleeping through
is she a 'good' baby (hate that one!)
how are you feeding

They are questions about your baby. They aren't interested in your breasts.

people generally ask nosy questions that are none of their business Grin

If a female member of the family asked, would you think she was asking about your breasts or would you think she was asking about your baby?

mamadiva · 20/02/2011 13:47

Assuming that you have just had DD then 1. Congrats and 2. YABU but everyone is over sensitive when it comes to those first few weeks after baby is born :)

They are just taking an interest in your DD remember that in their minds they are asking about how you feed her not about your boobs. It's only you who will think of it liek that.

Don't worry about it and just move on with your new bundle :o

MCos · 20/02/2011 13:48

Is breast feeding the norm in their family? It was not in mine, and my family thought I was weird for bfing. I imagine this works both ways.

clairefromsteps · 20/02/2011 13:48

Depends if they asked in a lecherous way, or if they were making chit chat. Maybe they wanted to give you a bit of privacy when you announce that it's feeding time?

nickytwotimes · 20/02/2011 13:49

not unusual, no.

reasonable question

LaWeasel · 20/02/2011 13:50

Try not to be offended!

There are lots of reasons why they might ask, including not wanting to turn up with loads of booze for a post pg meal if you can't drink much.

It's also just one of those small talk questions like "are they a goodbaby"

EricNorthmansMistress · 20/02/2011 13:51

YABU, in the nicest possible way.

Decorhate · 20/02/2011 13:51

Personally I wouldn't ask another woman directly if she was bfing in case she wasn't & felt guilty about that or something. Might ask in a roundabout way though if I knew them well!

Only you can gauge the tone of the question from FIL & uncle tbh...

Ragwort · 20/02/2011 13:54

Well I do think it's an odd question from ANYONE - I wouldn't dream of asking a new mother, even if a very close friend, how she was feeding her baby.

I'm not sure why it is of any personal relevance to anyone else?

Am I out of touch? I had my DS ten years ago and can only think of one friend (a very, very intense NCT 'type' - sorry to stereotype Grin) who asked me how I was feeding DS.

LisMcA · 20/02/2011 13:57

I think because of the pro-bf movement going on just now more people are aware of the benefits of BF and are interested in know what you are doing. And as others have said, its one of those small talk questions people ask. I'm sure this is what this is.

What I don't find appropriate is when you aren't PG, or have a child and some asks if you will BF, as happened to me about 7 years ago. I was 22 single and the "asker" was a work colleague in his 50's! Another colleague did tell him off though!

nubbins · 20/02/2011 13:58

I don't think it is odd. My male neighbour asked me AND commented on my 'milk veins'.

LaWeasel · 20/02/2011 13:59

I had DD 2 years ago ragwort, and I got asked it a lot! Sometimes by NCT types, but mostly by other mums looking for advice on formula. (I mixed fed so maybe that is why)

MissyKLo · 20/02/2011 13:59

Are you breastfeeding?! May as well ask as yOu did not answer!

Yabu and very Overly sensitive although I don't ask peoPle how they feed I may ask do they feed well etc but I wouldn't mind someone asking me

It seems that most women who do mind Are those who don't bf

carriedababi · 20/02/2011 14:02

crapbag, its one of a few questions people can ask

samay · 20/02/2011 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Galdem · 20/02/2011 14:06

YANBU. I find people's obsession with how others feed their babies totally creepy, male or female.

Galdem · 20/02/2011 14:09

Not true@MissyKLo. I minded very much when people asked me if I was bf-ing (when I was bf-ing). Why do people want to know? What possible reason could they have for needing to know? Of course I always answered politely (or just got mybaps out and fed my baby inf rot of them!), but (unless they were new mums themselves and also entrenched in that whole 'let's bore on about breastfeeding and weaning stage' also) I did mentally mark them down as tossers.

octopusinabox · 20/02/2011 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vallhala · 20/02/2011 14:22

I don't find it odd although it's not a question I was ever asked.

The time I'd start drawing the line would be if someone asked that and then started to question my response or lecture me! Until then, no problem.

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