AIBU to think it is slightly odd that male members of DH's family ask me if I'm breastfeeding?

[CrapBag]

Ok, I know I have issues where men are concerned, some unpleasent experiences in my past that I don't want to go in to.

But I just find it odd that my FIL and DH's uncle both asked, almost straight away, if I am breastfeeding my DD.

My dad or grandad, brothers or friends DH's would never dream of asking such a question. I don't really want to discuss my boobs with men and I have no idea why they would even ask in the first place. I answered, because, as is my way, is to answer questions far too honestly and just feel a bit uncomfortable later on, plus I don't know how to say "I don't want to discuss my boobs with you thanks".

Does anyone else think it is unusual or am I just a bit weird?

I don't think they mean it in a sexual way at all, but its not something that I am comfortable duscussing with men from DH's family. My brothers, it wouldn't bother me, not that they would ask but I would also feel uncomfortable if my dad or grandad asked as well, but its not something they would ask either.

AFAIK, DH's family haven't EBF at all so don't know why its of interest.

For you CrapBag

YANBU

CrapBag, do you think the way you feed your baby should be a secret?

My Dad was very supportive of me and my sister breastfeeding and I think he would also have been like that towards a DIL had he have had one.

It is nice that they care, no?

In my family everyone says "She/he has milk of off her/his Mum." Which also sounds a bit clumsy I s'pose.

LOL at "Are you feeding her yourself?" - when I was asked this I used to reply "No - I drop her off at the neighbours and they do it for me..."

Why won't you answer if you bf crapbag?!

I use 'I'm still feeding DS myself' on occasion. Usually, when having to skirt over why I have to keep disappearing at work to express, especially when travelling and therefore with people I don't know very well. I don't know why, as I have no problem with the fact that I am BF. I work with a lot of people from all over the world, so maybe its that I'm avoiding saying 'breast' for subconscious fear of embarrassing people.

I think it is just one of those questions people ask it has never occured to me to think it was odd.
When DS2 started getting teeth a customer (male) that comes into my work was asking after the baby and I mentione the teeth, he smiled and asked if I was breast feeding. I didn't for one second think it was odd.

I get asked all the time if i'm feeding him myself . Very common phrase everywhere in Scotland.

For people saying 'it's just making conversation' I say: well, often it isn't. Actually. I was amazed by how many people had such strong views on how I fed my baby and very often the question is in fact put out there in order to make some sort of comment on it. The second time around I could shut those people out the first time, yes it was hard. I even had this girl who'd never had children nor was planning to bleating on about her friend's cracked nipples. Blokes banging on about how 'sexual' it is. Etc.

For me it would depend on the context and the individuals in question to entirely say if yabu. But I've met enough annoying people to give you the benefit of the doubt that you are probably not being completely paranoid.

YABU they are just trying to show an interest in you and your baby.

What is the matter with everyone at the moment? All I see on here is defensive people asking why someone would want to know such and such. If we confined ourselves to taking about things that directly concerned us then conversation between people would dry up pretty bloody quickly.

Newborn babies provoke questions on sleeping, feeding and nappies. That's it. There's not much more you can say or ask about them so yes it is a normal question and yes YABU.

I found it slightly odd initially to be talking about BFing with DP's parents but actually it was pretty good that we did. I found out that PIL had made MIL a breastfeeding chair for their first baby, for instance, so I therefore knew that BFing was something seen as normal by them. This meant that when I wanted to BF DD I didn't feel I needed to worry about possibly embarrassing them, so it meant I was more at ease.

I think it's a little intrusive to ask a stranger how they are feeding their baby, but that's just me.

It's obviously going to be with milk of some kind. Perhaps with relatives it's a little different, but I would fall over in surprise even if my dad had asked that question.

Breastfeeding is a topic I tend to steer clear off with strangers, like politics and religion! It didn't stop plenty of people telling me how they thought I should feed my baby though, especially first time round.

But Eleanor - we are not talking about strangers, we are talking about grandad, uncles etc here.

So of course they are going to take an interest in how their newest relation is being fed, it's only natural.

CrapBag - does it help if you think of them in terms of their relationship to your child rather than to you? Because they aren't really asking about you, it is your baby that they are interested in.

Interesting that there is a thread on active convos from someone who feels their family aren't supporting them in their choice to bf. Seems you can't win...

I've asked this question before also more in a relation to whether a partner is able to help with night feeds and how much sleep a mum is managing to get, rather than being particularly interested in how they feed. They could theoretically be meaning to encourage your partner to play a more active role in helping you if you'd said you were bottle feeding.

link gwen?

I would not ask someone really but if it came up in conversation i would talk about it

i would not question someone's decision either even though i am a passionate bf'er as it is not my place to!

I don't think it is odd for male family folk to ask if you are BF your child, they are just taking an interest ...its not as if they are asking to watch while you do it

I would find it peculiar if a male stranger asked if you were breastfeeding your baby though - I might be tempted to hit that person with a rolled up newspaper or kick him in the bollocks

Although I've clocked up over seven years of breastfeeding, I would STILL be embarassed to have much of a conversation about it re myself/my baby as opposed to generally (which would be fine) with a chap. Even nice ones I'm related to. They are trying their best to take an interest, bless them, maybe they even are interested...but at the end of the day we are still having a conversation which involves my breasts and that makes me a bit uncomfortable. So, IMO, YANBU.

I know this is unfair of me, poor guys can't seem to win...I think that the next generation who've seen a lot more bfing as they were growing up may have fewer issues around this.

Most people want to know if your breast feeding. My dad gets really embarrased when my sister feeds her baby. They might be asking because they want to know if you are. Or whether or not to call around with being embarrased or you being embarrased when the baby needs feeding.

If you feel uncomfortable when they come to visit. Just say Im popping upstairs to feed the baby I wont be long.

I would think they're trying to be supportive and show they know they're in the 21st century.