Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to resent giving back a moses basket?

76 replies

GemAimee · 20/02/2011 10:44

When DS2 was due, we were given a lot of hand-me-downs, which was lovely. I basically just had to fill in the gaps with a couple of new items, and was about to buy a moses basket when DP told me his friends had offered their son's basket. At two months old, their baby was already in a cot, in his own room, in a routine, etc etc.

Very different style of parenting to my own, but I was grateful for the freebie.

Now, DS2 is 4 months, and they want the basket back for their daughter to use for her dollies. They tell DP when he goes to see them, and he awkwardly passes on the message when he gets home.

(There had been no discussion about long-term ownership of the basket, I assumed we would use it until we had finished, then ask whether they wanted it or whether we should pass it along to other expectant friends.)

I had planned to have DS2 in our room up to 6 months, but now we're going to have to come up with a plan B earlier than expected. I'll probably use the pram cot on the floor, but I resent being forced to adapt.

If they wanted it back so soon, why offer it at all? I was quite happy to buy one - but now it's not worth it just for the next two months!

I'll admit - interlaced with all this is the annoyance at the fact that DP comes back telling me about how they are raising their baby, lacing his bottles with rusk, leaving him to cry, and how he's much better "trained" than our own exclusively breastfed DS2, and I get really annoyed at the comparison.

The basket is Milton'ed, the trimmings have been washed and ironed, and it's all ready to go back, I just feel like I've been manipulated. :(

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 20/02/2011 10:46

Seems somewhat unfair to have a timeframe on you having to send it back, especially when you are not finished with it yet.

Lizzywishes · 20/02/2011 10:47

Surely if you asked if you could use it for just 2 more months they wouldn't mind? They probably just assume you've finished with it. Ask!

PonceyMcPonce · 20/02/2011 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 20/02/2011 10:48

Just give it back and forget about it. It's only a basket, it's just not worth it.

It's only linked to your general annoyances because you're linking it.

Deep breath, give it back, smile, move on.

janiesmum · 20/02/2011 10:48

just buy another one if its so important to you

mrsravelstein · 20/02/2011 10:49

people are looney. (them not you). i had a friend recently who turned up unannounced with a huge box of toys for ds2, she said they were gathering dust in her loft, did i want them. i did lots of 'are you sure'-ing. took them gratefully, ds2 was delighted with loads of things, got rid of some of the crap, kept most of it. about 2 weeks later she told me i could keep them for as long as i liked but that she does want them back to 'keep for my grandchildren' (her children are both under 9 so it could be a long wait). totally bizarre, i give outgrown toys/clothes/baby gear away all the time and would never expect it back.

squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 10:50

They probably think you have finished using it as most babies have grown out of their moses baskets by this age.

GemAimee · 20/02/2011 10:52

Tried asking for a longer delay... it's their daughter's birthday this week. I get the impression she's been promised it.

I really don't want to create any bad feeling, especially as DP has known them for years and is really close to them, I still feel like the outsider and don't want to be awkward as well as being seen as a crazy hippy.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 20/02/2011 10:52

Must be a blooming big moses basket if you can get a 4 month old safely in it - my DS was in a cot at 10 weeks, nearly tipping out of the basket. They probably think you've long finished with it.

It was a loan, it isn't actually yours. Give it back. I don't understand what is manipulative about their behaviour.

sybilfaulty · 20/02/2011 10:52

If they had their routine going by 2 months, they probably don't realise that you might need it for longer.

Why don't you call up and say how useful it is being, how much you like it etc and could you poss hang onto it for a wee while longer? You could always offer a dolly moses basket (ELC have them for about a tenner) for the little girl to play with. Mine like toting the dolly basket around the house, which they certainly couldn't do with a real one as it's too big.

If they insist on it back, just chalk it up to experience I am afraid.

pippibluestocking · 20/02/2011 10:53

Do they know you are still using it? I think that by 4 months, mine were out of a MB and in a cot and if their child was in a cot at 2 months, they may assume that you are no longer using it. Is there space to have a cot in your room so DC can stay in your room. Do think it's only fair that it is returned to them since it does belong to them. Perhaps if you explain that you still need it for next couple of months, they'll be happy to wait.

pigletmania · 20/02/2011 10:57

YANBU about having a time frame, they should have stated that when they lent it to you, YABU if you think that you will fit a 5/6 month old in a moses basket, they need a cot by then, even earlier somtimes. Just buy a cot earlier than usual, they have cheap ones in Ikea thats where we bought dds from.

mrsravelstein · 20/02/2011 10:57

apparently i'm in a minority, but i cannot understand why people give stuff away if they want it back.

pigletmania · 20/02/2011 11:00

I agree mrsravel, if I know that i will need something for the future I will not lend it, or I will tell them that I would like it back and just let me know when you are finished with it.

GreenEyesandHam · 20/02/2011 11:00

Oooh I dunno, perhaps the crazy feckers might think that someone could get some use out of it, saving them some pennies, whilst they themselves have no need for it? :o

ninedragons · 20/02/2011 11:01

If their child was out of it by two months, it probably won't have occurred to them that you might have planned to use it for longer.

Do you know how older children are? They can get quite fixated on things - their DD could have seen it in a photo or asked about it and has quite possibly been nagging incessantly.

Really, just buy another one. Friends are harder to come by than stuff.

pippibluestocking · 20/02/2011 11:02

What mAkes you think that they were giving it away mrs R, I loaned loads of stuff after DD 1 was born but I wanted it back in time for DD to use

HecateQueenOfWitches · 20/02/2011 11:03

No, I agree with you mrsR, I would never give someone something and then ask for it back, unless we had agreed at the time of giveing that it was a loan for X amount of time. but they want it back and it's just not worth doing anything other than handing it back.

TheSecondComing · 20/02/2011 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pippibluestocking · 20/02/2011 11:04

DD2 that is

galonthefarm · 20/02/2011 11:05

mrsravelstein - am with you. If you want to lend something but want it back, you should say at the outset!

OP - if you want to keep ds in your room, you can get cots that attach to your bed that may still fit into your room. or do you have a travelcot that you can put ds in until you feel ready to move him?

good luck, and remember all babies are different (and parenting styles it seems!)

mrsravelstein · 20/02/2011 11:05

because inherently when you are giving away kid/baby stuff, it is highly likely to get damaged/destroyed/vomited on so many times it can't be salvaged... so you really shouldn't let it out of your sight if you're that concerned about ever getting it back (this does not excuse the friend of mine who borrowed my entire maternity wardrobe and then SOLD it because she thought i'd never have another baby Smile)

GreenEyesandHam · 20/02/2011 11:05

I loved those salmon leggings, cheeky bitch :(

Violethill · 20/02/2011 11:08

TheSecondComing - PMSL about the salmon coloured leggings, and washed out pants worn by every pregnant women in the district!!

OP - I imagine they have simply assumed you may have finished with it - many babies have outgrown a basket by 4 months.

As you have a pram carrycot you can use, is it really such a big deal to return the basket?

lockets · 20/02/2011 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.