to resent giving back a moses basket?

[GemAimee]

When DS2 was due, we were given a lot of hand-me-downs, which was lovely. I basically just had to fill in the gaps with a couple of new items, and was about to buy a moses basket when DP told me his friends had offered their son's basket. At two months old, their baby was already in a cot, in his own room, in a routine, etc etc.

Very different style of parenting to my own, but I was grateful for the freebie.

Now, DS2 is 4 months, and they want the basket back for their daughter to use for her dollies. They tell DP when he goes to see them, and he awkwardly passes on the message when he gets home.

(There had been no discussion about long-term ownership of the basket, I assumed we would use it until we had finished, then ask whether they wanted it or whether we should pass it along to other expectant friends.)

I had planned to have DS2 in our room up to 6 months, but now we're going to have to come up with a plan B earlier than expected. I'll probably use the pram cot on the floor, but I resent being forced to adapt.

If they wanted it back so soon, why offer it at all? I was quite happy to buy one - but now it's not worth it just for the next two months!

I'll admit - interlaced with all this is the annoyance at the fact that DP comes back telling me about how they are raising their baby, lacing his bottles with rusk, leaving him to cry, and how he's much better "trained" than our own exclusively breastfed DS2, and I get really annoyed at the comparison.

The basket is Milton'ed, the trimmings have been washed and ironed, and it's all ready to go back, I just feel like I've been manipulated. :(

True Nadia, if they did'nt say before hand then no YANBU at all.

"indian giver" is an offensive term.

Why are people shocked at a baby still being in a Moses basket at 4 months? My DS was in his comfortable until 6 months and I still managed to get another month out of it for daytime naps downstairs.

I'd be a bit miffed but probably just give it back so as not to rock the boat and upset DH's friends. My SIL gave us a childrens entertainment centre for DS1 (she'd finished having kids) said she had no use for it, then asked for it back when I was pregnant with DS2 because she wanted to Ebay it. I was surprised - it wasn't in great nick when we were given it (having been used by her 4 kids) she'd probably have only got a fiver for it (max) and BIL earns more than double DH's salary but I just made and faces with DH privately and went and bought another one I saw in the local classifieds.

I know, my chubba little dd was in hers until 5 mo.

This is difficult, and applies to lots of other stuff as well as baby stuff. When DH was setting up on his own as a Happy Single Bloke, lots of stuff arrived from the family - hideous old armchairs that went to live in the outhouse, but useful stuff as well. When we got together, and combined our stuff, we had actually sold a tv before we were told it was in fact a Loan, not a Gift. We then coined the term Elastic Loan. As in, its only on a long piect of elastic, but you might not know it at the time. Horrid armchair had to be retrieved and sent back.
My advice would be to make very clear from the outset what Expectations are, but from some of the posts, people still move goal posts, which you can't do much about frankly.

Couldn't your DP just have told your friends that you were still using it?

Do you you have a travel cot that you could use? that's what we've used for the too-big-for-moses-too-small-for-cot months.

It's rather rude of them but not the end of the world, surely? I'd perhaps think it a little more understandable if the basket was needed for a new babe, apart from that it's no big deal.

What does come over loud and clear is your sense of superiority in parenting choices. You may exclusively breastfeed and think it wonderful, they may think you're a fool who is constantly tied to your baby and that they have a far less exhausting routine. But whichever, what they do is their business, not yours. Each to their own, no?

You don't sound like they're really friends at all and because of that I wonder why you accepted offers of help from them in the first place.

I'd go with the suggestion that you give the basket back with good grace and perhaps buy their DD a toy one and baby doll as a thank you for the loan.

I had the same situation!

My friend wanted the basket back as her sister was having a baby, and she wanted to give it to her.

I gave it back.

And borrowed another one from another friend.

I was maybe a little put out, but not upset.

But then, i did not question her parenting and have general doubts about her as a person the way you have.

or shoudl I say: "oh, rsuks in the ,milk! She's a bad parent! So just keep it!"

you drag in a lot of irrelevant information to jusify your anger.

Im shocked that babies are still in a moses basket at 3, 4, 5+ months!! DD (an off the chart for length) baby was out of hers after 10 weeks. Thankfully it had only been loaned to us under the similar guise as the OP (cousin's dd wanted it back for her dollies).

Moses baskets are, imo, a total waste of money.

You're easily shocked hardhat

My DD1 slept in her moses basket til she was 9 months old, and she was on the 75th centile! Tried the cot several times, she screamed, so we put the moses basket inside the cot and she slept all night.

If you've told them you are still using it and they still want it back then they are definitely being weird. But I would just give it back and get another one - try putting a wanted ad on freecycle, or netmums?

YANBU to resent giving it back especially because of the way you have been asked.
But they see it as theirs so you are doing the right thing handing it back.
Think about a travel cot in your room instead.

I think there is more than the moses basket behind your resentment though.
Part of it is because your baby is going onto a diffrent stage without you being in control of the change
You feel you are being "judged" by different parenting styles especially as your DP seems to imply their baby is better trained

Take comfort in that there are people who think the friends are numpties

and next time the "better trained" is mentioned tell him you're glad you have a baby not a puppy

If you/your dp had responded "oh of course but we had hoped to keep him there for a few weeks longer", they would probably have agreed to you keeping it. Presumably your dp just said that it was fine without even thinking . Perhaps your issue should be with him ?

Gem, I think You'll be lucky for him to still be in a moses basket at 6 months. They aren't really safe once baby can start shuffling round.

In practical terms though, just tell them you're hoping to use it for a few weeks longer and will pass it back as soon as he's in his cot. They want it for dolls right so any half reasonable person would be OK with that.

They should have told you if they wanted it back.

I asked a friend at toddlers if she was still willing to lend me a moses basket she had offered me for DS2(I'm 34 wks pg). She said yes BUT she had already offered it to another friend due in June, and could she have it back then. I decided to buy my own basket on this basis, as I don't want to have to be on a schedule to return it, and because of this have no hassle.

I am actually really glad I have not been offered anything for DS2 secondhand other than this, because lending and borrowing for babies is just too complicated unless the conditions are made clear at the time of the loan.
I will also never lend anything again after my niece returned DS's baby equipment unwashed and covered in sick 10 months after she had finished with it, and to compensate gave DD some of her DD's mouldy baby clothes .

Cakey i know. I walk round with a permanent expression on my face. Scares the kids.

I thought Moses Baskets were only up to 3 months max due to size / rolling etc

surely they think you've finished with it

none of my kids were in a basket for longer than abtou 8 weeks

I lent mine to a mum at school who was able to use it for her dd till she was about 8 months. I basically had to evict her in fact as I needed it back then to give to sil for her first. After so long I didn't feel too bad about asking for it back!
I think you abu op to get so worked up about it. Either ask for an extension or buy your own. At then end of the day they lent it to you and it remains theirs as you were both clear it was a loan.

Also, in the scheme of things, moses baskets aren't expensive. I was in JL today and their basic white frilly one (much nicer than all the themed ones tbh) was £35. And JL is not a cheap shop, for all its "never knowingly undersold" gumpf.

Also you don't need a moses basket at all, there is no reason why a baby can't go straight into a cot if you can't afford or don't want to spend £35 on a replacement for the loaned one. And if you're that much of a lentil weaver, surely you could co-sleep anyway?

ds managed roughly a month in his moses basket before he just looked comically big (and unsafe) in it - 91st centile though for length and weight. When he waved his arms about the stand would wobble

My behemoth DS outgrew his moses basket at 8 weeks, I took some furniture out of our bedroom, so that his cot could be shoehorned in beside my bed. Can you do something along those lines?

At first I agreed, they are so being UR. Then I saw what you were saying about their parenting choices & I changed my mind.

i have always thought of a moses basket as something you use for a newborn up to around 2/ 3 months old, but i had big babies and they couldnt get in theirs after that time, if your babe is now 4 months old i would agree with family wanting it back, time for a cot!

I don't understand why you feel manipulated. It's theirs, and they've politely asked for it back. I don't get why you're annoyed about giving something back that doesn't belong to you.
Ebay has 2 and a half thousand for sale at the moment, it's a minor issue that's easily and cheaply resolved. I think you've got your knickers in a twist over something really tiny.