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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent giving back a moses basket?

76 replies

GemAimee · 20/02/2011 10:44

When DS2 was due, we were given a lot of hand-me-downs, which was lovely. I basically just had to fill in the gaps with a couple of new items, and was about to buy a moses basket when DP told me his friends had offered their son's basket. At two months old, their baby was already in a cot, in his own room, in a routine, etc etc.

Very different style of parenting to my own, but I was grateful for the freebie.

Now, DS2 is 4 months, and they want the basket back for their daughter to use for her dollies. They tell DP when he goes to see them, and he awkwardly passes on the message when he gets home.

(There had been no discussion about long-term ownership of the basket, I assumed we would use it until we had finished, then ask whether they wanted it or whether we should pass it along to other expectant friends.)

I had planned to have DS2 in our room up to 6 months, but now we're going to have to come up with a plan B earlier than expected. I'll probably use the pram cot on the floor, but I resent being forced to adapt.

If they wanted it back so soon, why offer it at all? I was quite happy to buy one - but now it's not worth it just for the next two months!

I'll admit - interlaced with all this is the annoyance at the fact that DP comes back telling me about how they are raising their baby, lacing his bottles with rusk, leaving him to cry, and how he's much better "trained" than our own exclusively breastfed DS2, and I get really annoyed at the comparison.

The basket is Milton'ed, the trimmings have been washed and ironed, and it's all ready to go back, I just feel like I've been manipulated. :(

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 20/02/2011 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsravelstein · 20/02/2011 11:13

lockets i totally agree, and all my baby stuff has been lent/given inbetween my dc using things... but the point is, i don't give things out whether loan or not if i'm unduly worried about getting them back, because i just don't think it's always practical, as evidenced by OP

BuzzLiteBeer · 20/02/2011 11:15

all of mine were in moses baskets at 4 months old, its perfectly normal.

I would have jsut kept it and let them swing.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/02/2011 11:19

Am also amazed your 4mo is still in it but hey, not really relelvant! I don't see there's much else you can do but what you are doing. They probably did just think you would be finished with it and promised it to their daughter.

I'm glad of this thread really. We were given lots of clothes for dd but we bought all the equipment (baskets, prams etc) ourselves. DD is now 3 and there are two young babies in the family. Nothing has been said but I feel bad that I haven't offered the clothes, moses basket etc. However, we are ttc and have been for about 8 months (inc mc) so I hope to use them again in the not too distant future. If I gave them away I'd be looking for them back when people might not have finished. This thread has justified my actions.

tabulahrasa · 20/02/2011 11:30

I'd expect to give back a moses basket, not so much things like toys or clothes, but big things go back

but hassling you for it back while you're still using it - so it can be used as a toy? that's a bit off

FudgeGirl · 20/02/2011 11:33

Reminds me of a story that has gone down in history in our house...

Relative of mine gets pregnant, another rellie offers a moses basket for new baby, gratefully received.

Many YEARS later (like seven/eight years) moses basket giver turns up on relative's doorstep and says "we're pregnant again, can we have the basket we loaned you back please?"

Mortified rellie says "ummm, it was a long time ago and I've passed it on to someone else".

Moses basket giving rellie says "Oh. Oh well, £30 should cover it."

I kid you not Shock

ensure · 20/02/2011 11:37

It's a nightmare isn't it? Lending and borrowing and giving and receiving. A friend gave me a huge bag of clothes and expressly told me to charity shop what I didn't want for DD. It wasn't to my taste at all. Lots of pale pink jogging bottoms with 'babe' written on the bum. Pale pink T shirts with 'mummy loves her pretty princess'.

I got rid of 80 percent of it. Then 6 months later my friend called round to ask me to return it when I was done with it all as another of her friends was now expecting a girl. Argh. It's not nice having to explain to someone that you hated most of what they dressed their own precious daughter in! How awkward.

ensure · 20/02/2011 11:41

Actually I did say most of it had been thrown away because my DD must be much messier than hers and they were covered in food and paint stains, but I had to say I didn't like some bits. Partial save there.

pigletmania · 20/02/2011 11:41

If a freind offered to lend me clothes mat/baby I personally would not accept as I cannot gurantee that they will be in the same condition that she gave them to me.

RumourOfAHurricane · 20/02/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 20/02/2011 11:43

Are you sure he'll fit into it for another 2 months? DD was 2 months prem, on 5th centile and still out of hers by 4 month.

At that point, we used the travel cot. We hadn't bought one yet, but have used it hundreds of times since, it was a really good thing to buy. Could you do that?

ginmakesitallok · 20/02/2011 11:43

My rule is never to lend anything to anyone if you really want it back! We lent swinging crib and bouncer to DPs cousin - when we had DD2 asked for it back - no sign anywhere of either of them. Think they'd been e-bayed

princessparty · 20/02/2011 11:50

You are crazy,I don't think it's safe at all to have a baby that age in a moses basket-far too active!

BuzzLiteBeer · 20/02/2011 12:02

and yet all my children managed to survive the experience! Hmm

foreverondiet · 20/02/2011 12:06

Surely at 4 months your baby is outgrowing it? Give it back and buy one on ebay.

Vinegar · 20/02/2011 12:14

YANBU at all. Fine if they asked your dp if you had finished with it, but to then still want it back when they know you still need it is very odd.
I can?t believe they think it is more important for their dd to use it for her dolls, rather than a real baby. A moses basket is huge and not easy for a small child to carry around, if it was her birthday you would think they would buy her a dolls one.
I think they have promised it to someone else and are too embarrassed to say, so are using their dd as an excuse.
If you are planning on having another child, I would just buy a new moses basket. Use it for your present child and then keep it for you second one.

princessparty · 20/02/2011 12:15

'and yet all my children managed to survive the experience! '

perhaps they were not as active or strong as most

nickschick · 20/02/2011 12:21

Just buy your own - then you can keep it and use it again or for future grandchildren or for the cat to sleep in Grin.

Indian givers my mum would call them.

Vinegar · 20/02/2011 12:23

Sorry saw that it is your second child, so you might or might not want another, so will make no sense buying another if you don't.
I think that's the problem with lending/borrowing - different expectations with the added problem of people changing their minds-hard luck for you though OP.

breatheslowly · 20/02/2011 12:27

Where are you OP? You can borrow ours for a few months if you don't smoke/have pets.

EleanorJosie · 20/02/2011 12:27

I have the reverse problem- people giving me stuff back after they've finished with it:)YANBU

JennyRobyn · 20/02/2011 12:34

OOh i hate this. When i had my first DC, I was "given" a steriliser by my aunt, no mention of it ever being on loan. I used it for my first DC and kept hold of it. 2 years later i had second DC so was back in use again.

I get a phonecall asking for steriliser back as the my aunt had a friend who was pregnant and she had promised it to her.

I told my aunt i was still using it but was told she needed it back. I had to go out and buy another.

ALSO

SIL gave me all her old baby clothes as Her DC's had outgrown them.

I asked her at the time was she sure and did she want to keep anything.
She didn't want anything and i was told i could do as i pleased with them.

There was loads of stuff and i sorted it out to what i wanted and stuff that wasn't my taste and put it in the cupboard until i could dispose of it.

Fast forward a few weeks i'd given my DD a sleep suit for her doll..(not to my taste at all) SIL saw the doll and went off on one saying to DD "she told me i wanted them back when i'd finished with them and i had no right to give them away!!!" She'd also been quite nasty about me and said some horrible things(i wasn't there)

upon seeing DD upset, i bagged up everything that she gave me and sent DH to take them back. Including the suit the doll was wearing

DH let himself into the house left the stuff in the hallway, (never told SIL that he was returning the stuff) Popped in to say hello and left again!!

It was never mentioned by her or us again.

And i never spoke to her again, Not for the clothes but for the things she said about me to DD

If something is on loan the giver should say so at the time.
Rather than just demand it back.

mamadiva · 20/02/2011 12:40

My DS still slept in his moses basket until 6 months and he was not particularly small.

My twin sisters slept in them during the day until the day DS was born when they were 8 months old!

But anyway OP YAB(a little)U, it is their stuff and they probably assumed that you would be finished with it but they shoudl'nt be hassling youf or it back. I would ask about keeping it for anoter month or 2 then offer to buy their DD a little basket for her birthday. But on the flip side they could have promised it to someone else so then they have a right to ask anyway.

Good luck whatever you do but personally I owuld buy a cot.

mamatomany · 20/02/2011 12:49

Have a look on your local Netmums, I couldn't give my £90 mamas and papas basket and stand away, I think in the end I took £20 for it.
I bet you'll end up with a nicer one that you can use with your next baby for as long as you like.

NadiaWadia · 20/02/2011 12:50

Well it's all about communication, isn't it? If people are expecting to get an item back later, ie. lending, not giving, then they should make that clear at the start.

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