Wanting to get this teacher fired

[lividbeyondbelief]

My dd attends a language class on saturday mornings in central london. This week due to horrible traffic we were 30 minutes late to collect her. We tried texting her teacher to say we were stuck in traffic but never got a reply. Anyway to make a long story short - she left my dd outside the school, alone with another boy, whilst she went out to go buy lunch. To make matters worse she told her to lie to us and say she was in the room next door if we asked where the teacher was when we collected our dd.

Our daughter was really upset and cried whilst being outside alone with this boy. My dh noticed she had been crying but the teacher just dismissed it, saying to dh she cried because he was late.

Obviously the bond of trust is broken and she wont be going back ever again. My question is what else should we do?

Sorry Violet I don't understand your point. if there was a fire then I would instigate our evacuation procedure regardless of whether there was one or 50 children in the building.

The alarm rings, we all leave by the nearest exit, I check all the rooms, toilets etc to make sure everyone is out. etc etc.

vintage, not violet.

ah I think I see what you mean, my popping off to get something to eat or drink would be nipping to the staffroom or out to the car, which is parked in the playground right next to the entrance.

It was me, not violet.

Oh, you said you might sit the child in the reception area whilst you popped to get lunch didn't you?

Anyway, if the OP is accurate (and its a big if, IMO!) then:

OP - you have let your child down badly. You clearly want to believe you are a caring and responsible parent, but you have been very irresponsible in not bothering to phone and reassure your child, and explain to the tutor what was happening. You are also pretty downright rude, as although you may think half an hour is 'no big deal', it shows a total lack of respect for other people to assume they think it's no big deal either. And personally, I think if the tutor had a two hour language class in the morning, followed by a short break and then another two hour class, half an hour probably is a big deal to her. You have no idea what her responsibilities may have been during that time (though clearly you are happy to make all sorts of assumptions). Organise yourself properly so that you don't end up taking half an hour over a two minute journey (maybe getting your DH to walk your dd to class, as its apparently so near, would have been sensible, rather than dragging the entire family out in the car, then having to drive to find a suitable coffee shop and then getting stuck in traffic jams). And finally, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation again, have the decency as a parent to ring up, explain the situation, and explain what you would like the other adult to do. And remember - they would be doing you a favour.

caughtinanet that sounds the most likely scenario actually.hmm - not sure what to think then - if it's not a registered group.

violet - completely agree with all of that!

Maybe she'd left her lunch in her car, parked outside the school gates, perhaps having arrived before the caretaker unlocking the gates, and popped out to get it, saying to them in passing 'I'll be in the classroom' (or wherever it was, she is claimed not to have been)?

Maybe the tutor felt that if it is culturally acceptable to be 30 minutes late, then leaving the children was also culturally acceptable?

Just offering yet another scenario.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of either parent or tutor, surely the way forward is to have a calm and rationale discussion with whoever actually runs the set-up about what the procedures are for late collection, express some remorse for the poor communication, and move on.

fine, but that's kind of my point - this "language school" clearly hasn't laid out a framework defining who is the responsible adult and when.

At my language school I'm the responsible adult up until the lesson ends - before and after it's the receptionist.

When I was a youth work coordinator, the workshop leader was the responsible adult during the session, but after I was.

In this case there seems to be no delineation of responsibility. I agree the teachers behavior seems irresponsible, but frankly so does that of the school - which hasn't clearly defined who is responsible when - and, to be honest, so are any parents who send their children to a place like this without finding out in advance what the CP policy is and the procedure for late pick ups. Crazy to think this has all been organised by a Consulate - you'd think they'd be more responsible.

I was going to say that about the consulate! Wouldn't you think they themselves could run it on one of their rooms??? Then there would always be someone there 24/7 surely?

Wow. I'm new to Mumsnet.....is this what threads are usually like hereabouts? Scary!

Organised by the Consulate? Where was that little gem drip fed in? ROFL I'm off to gaze at the moon and have a bit of a howl...

selks no. This is what some threads are.

And some are funny, and some are rude, and some are downright dirty and very many are extremely supportive and full of good advice, and some give practical help and some give a well needed kick up the bum.

There's not really a 'usual' type of thread.

This topic though - Am I Being Unreasonable - tends to have more bunfights in it than, say, relationships, or the litter tray, or special needs.

People do tend to assume that if you are asking if you are being unreasonable, that you are asking people to tell you if they think you are being unreasonable.

However, mostly people just want to be told that they're right.

You can see the problem.

The consulate came in quite a long way downthread(just scrolled back to check) and this is why I don't think its any kind of recognised educational establishment.

Someone at the Consulate has thought that it would be a good idea to get the children of the culture (am I the only one who wants to know which culture this is ?) together at the weekend to learn about their heritage.

Great idea in theory but maybe just needs a bit of extra thought about the basic procedures that are taken for granted in other settings.

I'm interested by the fact the OPs daughter has been getting younger over the course of the thread. She is 8, not 6 (and certainly not 2 or 3). Whilst the tutor should clearly not have left the children alone (if indeed she did) I do see this more as an error of judgement rather than anything else. Lots and lots of 8 year olds walk themselves to and from school. We have a play centre near where we used to live where under 8's had to be signed in and out by an adult, but children 8 and over were allowed to come and go as they chose. And this WAS OFSTED registered.

So I can understand the OP being rightly cross that her child had been left when she herself had not chosen for that to happen, but can also understand a young and inexperienced tutor deciding that 2 children would be fine for a few minutes unsupervised in a playground. If I were the OP I would probably complain to the consulate or whoever organises the lessons, in an effort to get more rigorous guidelines put in place, would probably also stop sending my child, but would then leave it at that.

caughtinanet has it right. The OP's mistake is in expecting a fly-by-night casual arrangement like this to provide the same kind of wrap-around, fully accountable, CRB checked, all-singing-all-dancing child protection service you'd get from a school. Doesn't sound like a school to me. Doesn't sound like a teacher. And if OP goes barrelling in demanding a head on a platter she'd likely to be met with blank incomprehension.

op which culture doesnt care if you are 30 mins late?

yet if, as OP suggests, the person could actually be fired, it would suggest that this was some kind of formal organisation?

If it was literally someone on their own doing it as a favour for local kids, then there would be nobody to sack them???

If it is a 'proper' community language school like one my dcs attend, then the teachers are qualified, paid by the native's country goverment, the school is regulated and recognised, and in our case there are many members of staff there on sutarday including a receptionist.

If it is only two hours in a hired hall my guess is that the Consulate erm...wanted to create a job position for one of their people and milk money from the native country. Aren't are many Consulates notorious for this?

Regarding the case, we don't know the teacher could have just got a sandwitch from the other room or the car and the child misunderstood.

Violethill Sun 20-Feb-11 21:26:23

Absolutely agree with everything said here.

And still the OP takes no responsibility whatever for her own behaviour or actions.

Is there really anything more that can possibly be said on this thread?...

Violethill -you say "You seem to be at risk of displaying the same distorted sense of entitlement as the OP - somehow expecting 'one rule for you, one rule for me'.." well,hardly a sense of entitlement because in my bit of this fictional scenario i both take responsibility fo a cntingency plan fo my own children AND make sure I fulfilmy responsibility to the children of other late parents.

I do not think that an attitude of 'you were late - tough - I'm jettisoning the kids' is OK, ever, how ever badly or irresponsibly the poor kids parents behave. There is always the possibility of unavoidable lateness, and everyone should have a plan or contingency f it which does not involve children being left alone with no clue as to when they will be collected.

The demos against the banks this w/e in london caused a lot of jams and road blocks, serious delays were inevitable. Both parents and language outfit would have been well to check for things like this.

You are expecting too much of a teacher, especially when she has other classes to teach later and your being late meant her break time was being eaten into. I think some nurseries penalise parents for being that late to pick up their children. NO, she should not have asked your LO to lie, but she works hard and needs a break and was stuck in a rock and a hard place by no fault of her own. I live in London and know the implications of driving into central on a Saturday, would give myself at least half an hours extra time to my journey (if not a little more) incase of traffic and just sit in my car and wait if I get there early. I see why you are upset but you are failing to see the teachers perspective, she could very well have had to miss her break because of you and what action would she have had to take or how would she be feeling? Angry probably. No harm done so I would leave it.

wow, what a barking thread.

Livid, if I were you I'd talk to the tutor and ask her what happened. Your dd may have misunderstood. IF the tutor left two children alone without adult supervision that would be wrong - but it's not entirely clear that is what happened.

And I do agree with most people on this thread that you need to accept some responsibility here. 30 minutes IS late. The class is only two hours, for heaven's sake! I used to live in Zone 2, I know how unpredictable the traffic can be. That's why you need to make arrangements so that you can get there to pick up your child no matter what the traffic is like. AND if it all goes tits up despite your best efforts, you PHONE and keep phoning until you get hold of someone. Sheesh.