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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a horrible question to ask a new mum?

72 replies

NosyRosie · 19/02/2011 20:48

"Is she a good baby?"

DD found the first months of life really tricky and was very unsettled so it was all quite hard work with not a lot of sleep.

I nearly cried whenever asked me if she was good because all I wanted to do was shout at them. I know they basically meant "is she easy and straight forward? Does she sleep whenever you want her to?" etc.

If the answer is 'no' then the way they've asked their question implies the baby isn't good Sad

I generally managed to say something positive but it still makes me really sad thinking about it.

Maybe I shouldn't dwell on it but people really should think before asking stupid bloody questions.

OP posts:
IreneHeron · 19/02/2011 20:52

It's just chit chat, try not to analyze it too much. You get lots of stupid stuff said to you when you have kids or are pregnant. Not particularly what you want to hear when you're tired and worn out with a tiny baby.

saffy85 · 19/02/2011 20:52

Think you're making way too much of this question tbh. People aren't being nasty as such just making conversation, maybe being a bit competitive, even if their own baby is now grown up and has been "sleeping through" for aleast 30 years.

Chill out.

Kerrianne · 19/02/2011 20:54

People have been saying that since the year dot, all they mean is 'quiet' instead of good.

PaisleyLeaf · 19/02/2011 20:56

I think they say it because it lets you off the hook if things aren't going smoothly.
If your baby's awake and crying a lot at night - it's not your fault. It's the way your baby is.

suzikettles · 19/02/2011 20:57

I always just answered that question with "yes". Or "oh yes, he's lovely"

Followed by big smile, but enough about us how are you?

The main thing to remember is that the sort of person that asks this question really doesn't want to know. They usually just want to bang on about their own/their daughter's/their aunty Mary's cousin's dogs guaranteed method for getting a newborn to sleep through the night. Usually involving a rusk in a bottle.

Just smile, keep calm, and carry on Wink

tigitigi · 19/02/2011 20:57

My standard answer to this question was to say - yes - but all babies are good aren't they or - well she is x months old all she knows is how to be good

etc etc

People do use the word good in place of quiet but I hated the connotations and I refused to be part of it.

eviscerateyourmemory · 19/02/2011 20:58

Kerrianne is right, all they mean is whether you have a quiet baby. I found that if you admitted to not having a 'good' baby then people would tell you that you must have a 'clever' one (ie noisey Grin)

Pterosaur · 19/02/2011 20:58

It comes from the days when babies were expected to allow their mums to 'get on'. It's meaningless.

My babies weren't particularly 'good', especially DD2, but they were lovely.

When asked, I used to say 'Yes, she's wonderful', as if I didn't understand what they were getting at.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 19/02/2011 20:59

I like to say 'no, he is a little bastard'

That usually does the trick Grin

Pterosaur · 19/02/2011 21:00

That would also work, MrsD.

doricpatter · 19/02/2011 21:01

MrsDV Grin mind if I use that in future?

medicalmayhem · 19/02/2011 21:02

everyone always wants to know if a baby is sleeping, if they do, your smiling if they don't the other person is, we have all been there, one of mine was a little bugger kept me awake half the night for years and is 10 years old now and sleeps in my bed!! babies cant help how they are, but just put your thick skin on when ever you get asked that question,

QueeferFuckerland · 19/02/2011 21:03

It's a nonsense question, but remember it's in lieu of a proper conversation.

Would you rather they asked you about your lochia?

It's just a pleasantry.

Original poster
NosyRosie · 19/02/2011 21:04

They all tended to be older people so I suppose it must be a generation thing.

I don't spend that much time worrying about it, it's just the use of the word 'good' that bothers me.

I know I'm anal. Sorry!

OP posts:
Aranea · 19/02/2011 21:07

I used to hate it too, esp as mine were rubbish sleepers and dd2 screamed the whole time. I used to answer with a very emphatic 'No!!', which usually made people laugh.

Rhadegunde · 19/02/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coinoperatedgirl · 19/02/2011 21:10

You do get this a lot don't you? I was never sure what a good baby was, so just said yes, nod and smile etc. There is no point getting upset by idle chit chat, old dears saying "what a lovely boy" to your baby dressed head to toe in pink etc.

I have been told off by old ladies for my erm boisterous children before, I like to reply "well yes, you were allowed to beat them in your day" tends to result in a cats bum mouth lol.

ginmakesitallok · 19/02/2011 21:12

Agree with Rhadegunde - to me there are no such things as "bad" babies - babies just do what babies do.

felicity10 · 19/02/2011 21:14

Two choices, you can either take the flippant approach if you have the energy and say "no, dreadful, thinking about asking for my money back" OR, you just do what you need to for most of the advice you get...Smile and Nod and let it go over your head, save your energy!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 19/02/2011 21:15

@ asking after your lochia Grin

medicalmayhem · 19/02/2011 21:18

i use to find that the older generation used to also say "ahh look at him so tiny how could anyone hurt them" and i used to think what? and of course they all touched their face and tried to make them smile, ignore them, enjoy it if you can b4 you get the tutting and frowning when your babe becomes a 2 year old whirl wind that you dread to take anywhere other than macdonalds, Grin

SherbetDibDab · 19/02/2011 21:19

I once said 'No' about my ds. You'd think I'd have told them I made him sleep in ice buckets and fed him slugs.

After that I experience I just said 'Yes, He's good.'.

He's 7 now and the most cheerful little creature you could imagine.

I'll agree it is very annoying.

gomummygo · 19/02/2011 21:22

Actually I found this really irksome and used to always respond with a v. confused look and ask "how could a baby possibly be 'bad'? What an odd thing to say."

But I'm like that. Grin

Tupperwarewolf · 19/02/2011 21:24

I just used to say "She's fab apart from the time she stole the car". People don't mean anything by it, they just want something to say

CameronCook · 19/02/2011 21:24

Its same as when people ask if you know what you're having whilst you're pregnant - they're just giving you a chance to talk about your baby thats all.