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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a horrible question to ask a new mum?

72 replies

NosyRosie · 19/02/2011 20:48

"Is she a good baby?"

DD found the first months of life really tricky and was very unsettled so it was all quite hard work with not a lot of sleep.

I nearly cried whenever asked me if she was good because all I wanted to do was shout at them. I know they basically meant "is she easy and straight forward? Does she sleep whenever you want her to?" etc.

If the answer is 'no' then the way they've asked their question implies the baby isn't good Sad

I generally managed to say something positive but it still makes me really sad thinking about it.

Maybe I shouldn't dwell on it but people really should think before asking stupid bloody questions.

OP posts:
HateThePILs · 20/02/2011 11:30

People just make conversation.

lospolloshermanos · 20/02/2011 11:35

its just small talk , don't take it too seriously , having sleep problems isnt gonna help you relax though.

I've noticed people are generally sympathetic rather than judgemental

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 20/02/2011 11:39

It's mildly annoying but meh.

They don't mean any harm by it.

KnittedBreast · 20/02/2011 11:41

you are being very over sensitive

Nancy66 · 20/02/2011 11:42

they're friendly people taking an interest.
Don't be so miserable!

LifeOfKate · 20/02/2011 11:44

I didn't realise this question equalled sleep until I was asked after DS was born and replied yes, because he was a lovely happy, relaxed baby, until someone said, 'oh, is he sleeping through already then?' and I had to say 'er, no, he's a baby Confused'.

For the 'do you know what you're having?' question I did used to say 'well, we're pretty sure it's a baby, but I wouldn't mind a kitten :o'

FWIW, I know these questions are only pleasantries, but they do get a bit old the 150th time somebody's asked and you do wish they could find some new questions to ask...

OliveMalay · 20/02/2011 12:39

I'm sure there must be a lot of us who didn't realise "is he/she good?" meant "do they sleep well?" It comes across as a strange question if you didn't know what it was meant to mean.

MissyMorrison87 · 20/02/2011 12:55

I don't understand why certain posters on this thread are getting angry with the OP, as it's quite a silly thread to be aggressive about really???

However I think you are winding yourself up over nothing also, OP. It's just conversation making! Like people who say " oh you have TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!!£!!!! you must have your hands full with two of them!!!!" .... Well actually, no. As opposed to my sister who has 4 kids aged between 0 and 9 yrs??

Some people just say weird things without actually thinking.

BuzzLiteBeer · 20/02/2011 13:25

I don't understand why people come on to a thread to shreik about anger and aggression, since you have no way of knowing what the emotional state or intents of the posters are. Makes you sound like a bit of a twat.

Pidgin · 20/02/2011 13:40

I sympathise op - I know you can't take it too seriously but it's annoying when your baby isn't sleeping well etc to have it implied that s/he's not 'good', even though people are of course just being interested. I'm always getting ratty with my mum over this very issue although I know she doesn't mean anything by it. And I don't care if that does sound oversensitive - when you haven't slept well for a few months, oversensitive becomes your default position!

Ormirian · 20/02/2011 13:42

It's just a thing to say, a silence-filler with good intentions.

Would 'How are you both getting on?' be better?

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 20/02/2011 13:49

My MIL used to ask this daft question, and it used to irritate me too. What IS a good baby and anyway, how can it be bad???

I think it is of its time; but who knows what mad stuff we'll be saying to the next generation of new mothers?

pointydog · 20/02/2011 13:52

yabu.

They are just chatting with you. Being friendly.

QueenofAllWildThings · 20/02/2011 13:54

I agree, don't over think it or take offence, just say whatever you want to in response - they are just making conversation. None of mine were 'good' (ie, let me do anything but hold them!), so I just said "no, not really!".

HeathcliffMoorland · 20/02/2011 13:55

YAB totally U.

They're just chatting.

nickytwotimes · 20/02/2011 13:57

those of you who think the op is over sensitive - ahem, someone with a newborn is allowed to be over sensitive, surely!?

agree, it is a 'pleasantry' but it is irksome.

HeathcliffMoorland · 20/02/2011 14:00

Oh, oversensitivity completely understandable!!

But question is completely innocent.

NinkyNonker · 20/02/2011 14:07

I understand what you mean. The implication that a tiny baby isn't good (in otherwise that they might be 'bad', however they define that) is sad.

NinkyNonker · 20/02/2011 14:09

I answer that dd is perfect, cause she is! noisy little blighter

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/02/2011 16:00

I dont think having a newborn is an excuse to be rude to people. DD didn't sleep for nearly a year but I still managed to be polite. That's a poor excuse.

Pidgin · 20/02/2011 18:00

The op isn't being rude - she says she tries to say something positive but the question gets on her nerves. All sorts of otherwise insignificant things can make you feel tearful when you have a new baby, after all. And the notion of a 'good' baby can be upsetting when it suggests you have a 'bad' one. I found it hard when people would say, 'oh yes, my X is such a good baby' when my DS was waking five times a night and X was sleeping, eating etc in textbook fashion. Even though my DS was obviously perfection itself!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/02/2011 18:17

No, I know, not the OP, sorry. But several people have stated what they do or would like to say. Not very polite and a complete overreaction.

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