Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

interfering cow discussing my baby boys penis

80 replies

Mammie81 · 19/02/2011 20:20

DP's family want my son circumsised. They've made it clear to me how 'unreasonable' I am being by not allowing it (not now, not ever... well, unless theres a medical reason)

Thats not the point btw, the point is that while we were changing him at DP's aunts, she asked if we were doing the op. I said no. She made some comment about it and I forgot all about it because no matter what bullying tactics they try, I wont back down.

Now shes told DP's mum, and Nan, and they are upset.

a) what has my baby's penis got to do with anyone but him
b) how DARE she walk around discussing my boys bits like they are commonplace information. How would she feel if I started a chat about her vagina
c) I hadnt told DP's mum or Nan myself because of a) its my boys willy and no one elses fucking business what we do

AIBU to be so fucked off to refuse to go near this bitch ever again. (And she is a bitch btw, DP's dad wont even talk to her because of other interfering things shes done, she makes DP's mum upset almost every week and for xmas she gave our boy a doorstop with her work details stamped on it)

I know I probably am BU but Im so fed up of bbeing told what to do by these people. I wish I hadnt even said 'No' when she asked and just said 'Fuck off' instead.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 19/02/2011 20:22

Not unreasonable at all.

hmc · 19/02/2011 20:22

Your DP needs to step in and tell his relatives to back off

mrsscoob · 19/02/2011 20:23

YANBU and why are they upset, what the hell has it got to do with them. Good for you too, not being bullied into something you don't want to do by relatives.

ilovemyhens · 19/02/2011 20:24

Are they wanting it done for religious/cultural reasons?

What does your DP say about it. I hope he's supporting you and doesn't give in to pressure from his family.

activate · 19/02/2011 20:27

let me guess

you've married into a muslim or jewish family

and you have come from a secular or CofE background

so you have no concept of how involved / interfering religious / community families can be

Original poster
Mammie81 · 19/02/2011 20:28

DP wants it done too but Ive made it clear that no amount of saying 'but its cleaner' will sway me. Id rather teach the boy to wash. So hes angry that she told them, but still thinks we should have it done, even though he has agreed to respect my wishes.

Its a cultural reason, everyone does it apparently. To me this is peer pressure and I wont hurt my baby for what is, to me, a cosmetic operation.

Im more fiery than he is though, and I just want to shake this woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammie81 · 19/02/2011 20:30

Im an atheist, there will be no religion until my son is able to choose for himself.

They are muslims who dont go to mosque, and celebrate easter and christmas. Thats not why Im here though, I want to know what to do about this stupid, horrible woman.

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 19/02/2011 20:30

I think you should start a conversation about her vagina... :)

Of course YANBU. We had our DS circumcised and I wish we hadn't. :( He's your son and it's no one's business but yours.

Rhadegunde · 19/02/2011 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

taintedpaint · 19/02/2011 20:33

I think ignoring is the best plan possible. I don't think you'll change people who have such ingrained views, and if you withdraw your DS from that woman's company, at least he won't be able to hear her ramblings as he's older. Though one would hope she wouldn't discuss his penis with him....

activate · 19/02/2011 20:34

they're muslim - it's a religious thing - even if they're atheists its what they've come to expect

maybe a bit of understanding of their side of the argument

then do what you want

madamh · 19/02/2011 20:35

You could ask her - just out of interest, of course - if she's had her dirty labia removed. So much cleaner and more hygienic to have all those secretion-capturing folds and twisty bits whipped off, and there's the added bonus of not having to learn how to wash!

Hold fast, and more power to your son's foreskin!

Kerrianne · 19/02/2011 20:35

It always amazes me how anyone can worship a God and then criticise how their God 'creates babies', I mean that's just plain odd isn't it? It's like they're saying they know better than him? Hmm

mamofK · 19/02/2011 20:37

YANBU. For god's sake, it's your little fella's most delicate parts - why would anyone want to cut a bit off of it? And if any level of personal hygiene is maintained, it is not in any way unclean. Stick to your guns, but for the sake of your long term sanity, you'll have to figure out a way to rise above their interference and inappropriate comments.

QuintessentialShadows · 19/02/2011 20:37

And she can start to gain understanding by asking the aunt about her vagina, is she circumsized?

Original poster
Mammie81 · 19/02/2011 20:37

I thought circumcision was not in the Koran. Previous hardcore attempts to sway me have led to them admitting they dont do it for religious reasons, but because everyone else does.

OP posts:
Bearcrumble · 19/02/2011 20:37

You're not unreasonable, they are. Why anyone would want to cause pain and suffering to a baby is beyond me. It makes me furious. It is not cleaner - in this day and age we have water and soap.

No baby should be mutilated in this way. It makes me sad and angry.

Especially coming from non-practising muslims.

Horrendous. Also the potential for infection - and even death.

Every time they mention it tell them how rude and unreasonable you find them.

VerylazyBecsy · 19/02/2011 20:38

watch the newest embarrassing bodies on 4od- really interesting-doesnt make penis cleaner. Basically, the smeg (sorry if tmi) that is produced by the glands and kept there by the foreskin is antibacterial and the foreskin actually protects the penis. When it is taken away the penis skin becomes harder and desensitised as it doesnt have same protection. stick to your guns.

Balsam · 19/02/2011 20:40

I'm not entirely clear what you are upset about. Is it the fact she told the rest of them that you said you weren't going to do it? But they already knew that because you said in your post they think you are being unreasonable.

If it is the fact that they are discussing it behind your back, you should expect that because for them, it's controversial. People talk about controversial things. Let them get on with it, safe in the knowledge that they can talk till they're blue in the face but it won't change anything.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 19/02/2011 20:40

Bugger 'cultural reasons'

In my husband's culture, boys must be circumsised. It used to be done when the boy was a teen, as a ritual, but nowadays it is done wen they're babies.

When our boys were babies, my husband was adamant that they would have to be circumsised.

I disagreed.

They are now 10 & 11 and remain intact.

We agreed that if they want to be circumsised, then they can make that decision for themselves when they are adults.

And nobody has ever bothered about it.

princessparty · 19/02/2011 20:41

Your OP contradicts itself
To begin with, you imply that your in-laws know your DS han't been circumcised, but then you say your SIL upset them by telling them that. Confused

Rhadegunde · 19/02/2011 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hk13 · 19/02/2011 20:42

yanbu.
I can't give you advice on how to deal with the interfering woman (apart from ripping her head off of course :) ). Personally, I would just ignore her, not bitch about her as that would be playing into her hands and have a smug grin ready for when she falls from a great height. This will happen as karma will prevail, what goes around comes around etc. She shouldn't have told your dp's mum and nan and should keep her nose out of other peoples business. I would be Angry too.

My dp was circumcised as an infant for no other reason except hygiene (!) When ds was born, dp asked if we were getting him circumcised and was promptly, most definately ,absofuckingloutely told NO. He never asked again. There is no way that anyone is going near my ds with a knife, rubber ring or whatever they use to mutilate boys (and girls). He was born with a foreskin and shall stay with a foreskin. It was put on the end of a penis for a reason and there it shall stay.

Mumma tiger has been unleashed!

Original poster
Mammie81 · 19/02/2011 20:43

Thanks Verylazy. Ive explained all that to DP but he has been so brow beaten by what is expected of him, deep down he thinks I am BU.

I just dont think my sons willy is appropriate discussion for gossip.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 19/02/2011 20:43

I can never understand why people consider genital mutilation of any sort to be pleasing to God. Do they think that God made a mistake and left these bits in error? God is infallible, does not make design mistakes.

You stick to your guns Mammie.