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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with being a working lone parent?

79 replies

KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 14:47

I feel so isolated and frustrated. Have no social life to speak of and finances are tight. Desperately need a haircut and cannot see any time in the next 3 months when I will be child free and not supposed to be working so I can book and go.

Half term hols have been a nighmare to arrange child care for so I'm thinking summer ones are going to be hell and hideously expensive.

If I didnt have a mortgage I'd give it all up!

OP posts:
valleyqueen · 19/02/2011 14:53

YANBU to be fed up, this has been me for the last 12 years. But my friends who have partners do have simlar issues, especially with the summer holiday care.

Can you find a good local mobile hairdresser, this was the only way I could find time for a haircut when dd was small, I found her on netmums and she would come to me in the evenings.

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny · 19/02/2011 14:54
Sad Weirdly my haircuts are a keystone to me feeling OK so I feel your frustration.

I have limited social life and like you money is a squeeze.

Are there MNers nearby who you could link up with?

Is there a decent mobile hairdresser you could have come to you?

Chil1234 · 19/02/2011 14:57

YANBU but you're doing a fantastic job. Been single parent for 10+ years, it does get easier as they get older, and you're setting such a great example!!! My solution to the haircut thing is to take a morning's flexi-time-style holiday whilst he's at school... And the social life isn't great but now have several teen babysitters in the area and make sure I bloody use them!

Good luck

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 14:57

hadn't thought of a mobile hairdresser actually....do they do highlightes???

I wanted to go to usual salon with posh coffee and glossy mag though.....stamps foot

OP posts:
Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 15:22

I keep doing a benefit check of what I'd get if I gave it up or if I reduced my hours but the mortgage is the problem.

Dont get enough income on reduced hours and cant pay the mortgage from benefits.

In many ways I'm lucky because when my husband left me my work let me increase my hours and go home based but it is so isolating...can't even do a day a week in the office because of the commute and then I'd need childcare outside school hrs anyway so would be even worse off.

Money just seems to vanish as soon as I get it. Spent £150 today just on food and petrol. The dog walker alone costs me £45 a week and thats after I asked for a discount!

OP posts:
noodle69 · 19/02/2011 15:27

I go to a salon and its very moden looking. I pay £12 for all over dye, £10 for 20 foils and £5.75 for a haircut. I get to read magazines and have a relax.

The girls are all students but they do a great job. I love it and people comment on my hair and I tell them the price they cant believe it.

noodle69 · 19/02/2011 15:28

Will add all those prices are inclusive of hair dry and straighten.

Blessings3 · 19/02/2011 15:30

The dog walker alone costs me £45 a week and thats after I asked for a discount! ?????????

mmsmum · 19/02/2011 15:33

This might be a bit off topic but if you work from home why do you have a dog walker? Surely you can take him/her out when you stop for a break and lunch, or take/collect dc's to school. That's £180 a month for nothing you can't do yourself when you say you're struggling!

I sympathise with the hair problem, I haven't had mine done in over a year because I can't afford it, not even student rates.

CarGirl · 19/02/2011 15:37

I was wondering about the dog thing as well? You can walk the dog twice a day with your child(ren) in tow? In fact you could walk someone elses dog at the same time and charge them or share walks?

Northernlurker · 19/02/2011 15:39

Ditch the dog walker. Paying out for that when you work from home is absurd. If you work from home why do you need so much childcare? Is your school age child so rampageous that you can't get anything done?
I don't understand why you can't got to the hairdresser on any working day and just make up the time in the evening?

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 15:45

I was trying to take dog in the middle of the day but just didn't have the time with my workload. I eat lunch at my desk to try to keep on top of things and the dog needs a good 45mins-1hr walk a day.

I have to keep on top of my targets otherwise the company can recall me back to the office as they have many a homeworker previously. Also if I go a certain % over my targets I get a bonus so I found a dog walker.

The school run is really not far enough for him, plus I have to meet my son from reception as they wont let them walk to the school gates.

I pay £9 a walk now - it was £10.50 and that is for at least 45mins minus travel time so he does get a good run - often in the woods.

I work 30hrs, 9-3 so drop kids off at 8.45 walk home, work and then collect them after school so don't have time to walk the dog in the week. If anyone has any other ideas how to sort that bit out it would be great!

OP posts:
MitchiestInge · 19/02/2011 15:49

this?

changeforthebetter · 19/02/2011 15:49

Local teenager to do dog walking?

Sympathies for your feelings of isolation and the work pressures. It sounds tough.

CarGirl · 19/02/2011 15:56

Why can't you walk the dog after school 3 times per week with the dc - that would reduce the cost by £27 per week. You are more likely to meet other adults to chat to dog walking than anywhere else!

Also your eldest could walk to the gate and wait with the dog whilst you go an collect your youngest?

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 15:57

The childcare bit is for out of school term as I dont have enough annual leave to cover all school holidays. I have covered by doing a combination of annual leave/ parents/ holiday clubs.

This half term also coincided with a business trip I have to take (site visits about 4 times a year)so I have Monday as leave, T and W is my trip and I've arranged for the kids to go my parents for those days, plus have to put the dog in kennels for 2 days (£27) and then thursday and fri I have put them in a holiday club. 2 are doing sport and 2 performing arts which is the grand total of £108. I was going to take 2 days leave this week but cant because they have a teachers day the following Monday so have to take the other day then.

Its all getting a bit much for me tbh.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 19/02/2011 16:01

Kate I can sympathise, dh and I work full time and the childcare hassle is a nightmare and expensive. MIL doesn't want to have them at all Hmm and playscheme for 3 costs a fortune! Ours go to breakfast club so we leave the house at 7.45 whether it's term time or holidays and it's knackering tbh.

hardhatdonned · 19/02/2011 16:05

YABU but only after I read the thread. Going by the OP only YANBU.

If money is so tight why such extravagant expenses?

I completely sympathise with you as I work full time, am a lone parent but my work does not allow home working, I have to employ a childminder to do the school run, I don't have the luxury of owning a dog because I cannot look afer it. You just have to cut your cloth and thats not just financially but emotionally too.

Do your children see their dad? If so what do you do with your time then?

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 16:05

michiest inge (interesting name btw Grin) thanks for making me laugh!

I just dont have the time after school to walk the dog as far as he needs to go. If he were a smaller breed it would be fine to just potter to the park and back but he realy needs longer and at the weekends/ days off we do this.

I have 4 children and they have afterschool activities 3 nights of the week which I've kept up as when there dad left i didnt want them to miss out on anything. Then there's homework, housework, cooking a meal, food shopping etc

I kind of thought the dog walker would be worth the expense!

OP posts:
hardhatdonned · 19/02/2011 16:06

How much input does their dad have?

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 16:13

hardhat - no they havent seen their father since he left me. I think he's working abroad.

We had the dog before I became a single parent and I only worked 2 days a week so usually walked him in the days - when there's 2 of you its alot easier to walk in the early morning/ evening. Since when was having a dog an extravagence Hmm

OP posts:
Xenia · 19/02/2011 16:13

It sounds difficult.

What about holiday play schemes. They may cost quite a bit when children are little but if it keep you in a job you might have until youre 65 or 70 then you can see them as a long term investment. Perhaps also swap children with another working mother too so when you take time off say a week's holiday and have hers for a week then she takes a week and has yours for a week and then you've covered a week.

You could ditch the dog of course.
I have 5 children on my own although one has left home.

What about finding some other ways of earning money? There might other ways to earn a bit more.

Hairdresser? I don't even go, save a lot of money and boring time.

In other words perhaps you need to change your mind set as much as external things.

We don't do any out of school activities although they do things at school. They come home on their own too.

I suppose you just have to make the compromises you feel are best to suit your own situation.

CarGirl · 19/02/2011 16:14

Do you get any exercise during the week? I wonder if it would be good for you to walk him mid week at some point - I know it's hassle but it could be a family thing you do together and it would still save £45 per month.

Do your older dc help around the house because it sounds like they need to tbh.

I seriously hope you don't iron any clothes - it is such a waste of time and money!

hardhatdonned · 19/02/2011 16:18

Since you can't afford to look after it.

My lifestyle - that as a working (FULL TIME) lone parent of school aged child prohibits me from owning high maintenence pets and certainly wouldn't go to the extravagance of employing a dog walker when you are saying you are struggling to socialise. You work 30 hours a week, thats plenty of time to get a regular do walking route set and it's a great way to meet people.

Failing that do as CarGirl said and get the older dc's to walk it.

Xenia talks sense too.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 16:20

thanks xenia - I'm using the holiday playschemes - they're just so expensive...worried about the summer hols the most tbh.

cargirl - no I dont get any 'exercise' as such but am quite active outside of my working day just in terms of achool runs and housework etc. I guess i could try for 4 days a week and see how I go.

My children to help a bit but also make quite alot of mess at the same time. The eldest 2 are 8, then I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old. And no I don't iron!

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