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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with being a working lone parent?

79 replies

KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 14:47

I feel so isolated and frustrated. Have no social life to speak of and finances are tight. Desperately need a haircut and cannot see any time in the next 3 months when I will be child free and not supposed to be working so I can book and go.

Half term hols have been a nighmare to arrange child care for so I'm thinking summer ones are going to be hell and hideously expensive.

If I didnt have a mortgage I'd give it all up!

OP posts:
Xenia · 19/02/2011 19:09

Could the children share your room and you free up a room to hire a summer au pair to live with you over the summer. They aren't very expensive.

coccyx · 19/02/2011 20:00

Chase the husband down

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 20:07

thats actually an interesting idea Xenia. My son could come into my room.....will think about that

coccyx - I know I should try to get some money off him but i dont have the energy to go there at the moment and not quite over the whole thing.

OP posts:
muckypupster · 19/02/2011 20:16

I have no constructive advice, but I wanted to say, I absolutely take my hat off to you. I find it a struggle with a fairly helpful husband.

You are incredible.

CarGirl · 19/02/2011 20:19

I just popped to check that you are actually already claiming CTC as you will be eligible for something regardless of whether you use childcare or not!

ManateeEquineOhara · 19/02/2011 20:26

I have thought about an au pair, it would be too much hassle for me because I rent my house, and I get tax credits for childcare and I don't think they class an au pair as childcare that they would pay.
But if I was in your situation I would definitely consider sharing a room with a child over the summer and getting an au pair, it would save all the worry over summer child care and they can help with other stuff around the house too!

BTW - yes, the horse it a bit of a cost, but I don't have any other luxuries and she is my therapist too! Also, I have had her 11 years so she is like part of the family :)

AnnieLobeseder · 19/02/2011 20:30

Well, if anything happened to DH, as much as I love them, our dogs would have to go. Like others, I think you need to re-think your dog situation. That's a crazy amount of money to spend on walks. If you can't manage to fit walks in yourself, perhaps the dog needs a new home.

Also, I may get flamed for this, but YABVU in my opinion to want to give up work just because you're finding it a bit tricky. Why should the state support you when your children are in full-time education and you have a decent job? The welfare system is there to help people who really need it, not just those who don't fancy working. Everyone finds the work/life balance tricky.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 19/02/2011 20:40

mucky pupster - thankyou...your words have touched me but I'm really just muddling through!

Annie - yeah, deep down I know that....and I do actually like my job. Plus I've been reading the 'poverty line' thread and it scared me Grin. But I cant get rid of the dog! The dog walking is crazy money but I can pay all my bills etc....its just frustrating to never have much of a disposable income!

OP posts:
ambarth · 19/02/2011 20:53

Ask for some advice in recipes on how to get your shopping bill down. Pilchard curry is my favourite cheap meal, it's healthy too. I first heard of that one on here. Sainsburys five meals for twenty quid is quite good. It's on their website.

Alouiseg · 19/02/2011 20:59

Not sure if this is allowed but look at www.dreamaupair.com they might be able to answer any questions

happygolucky0 · 19/02/2011 20:59

why don't you just make room for an opair, increase your hours by a couple then she can walk the dog! All sorted sounds like you have a great wage coming in just need a extra pair of hands to help. Or a part time nanny.

Xenia · 19/02/2011 21:46

And the country is awash with responsible clever new graduates who cannot even get unpaid work experience who are desperate for any type of work so living in even just for the summer for some kind of wage would be great and you would definitely find someone.

mmsmum · 20/02/2011 00:27

I made a point about how much you paid for dog walking, but I am quite surprised that people have said get rid of the dog! That would be like getting rid of one of the children lol I'm glad you aren't going to do that, the kids need their best friend!

It doesn't take much energy to get money from your ex. I would send him one text, and one text only, giving him one opportunity to meet up and discuss a plan or to suggest a plan without meeting (I say one because I think if someone is going to pay then he will, if not, then don't go on, it won't change). If you get nowhere in a couple of days make a call to the csa and let them do the hard work.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 20/02/2011 08:25

ok - I've looked into au pairs and think I'd need an aupair plus because of the hours. That would cost approx £80 a week which is probably cheaper than using playschemes etc. Then I could at least get rid of dog walker in the summer hols and use more of my leave in the other holidays to avoid holiday clubs.

Just wondering if anyone will be interested in living in a small slightly scruffy semi, sleeping in a small bedroom decorated with dinosaurs and looki ng after 4 kids plus dog all week Grin

OP posts:
Alouiseg · 20/02/2011 08:32

Speak to the agency, be honest about what you need. They should match you up with the right person. Most of these girls are students who won't be used to living in 5 star luxury. They want a base in England and some money to improve their English.

ManateeEquineOhara · 20/02/2011 08:45

Oooh, sounds like the au pair thing could work. And as someone pointed out further up the thread, there are lots of graduates after any kind of work over the summer. Being an au pair is actually one of the kind of things that a lot would like for the contribution to their cv and of course - the chance to look after 4 children :)

coccyx · 20/02/2011 08:58

Yes i am sure you do not feel like chasing after your ex but still think you need to get the wheels in motion. Surely he must know how tough things are for you all. Glad you are keeping the dog

Xenia · 20/02/2011 10:24

Kidder, I am certain they would. There really are huge numbers of people out of work who are good with children and particularyl over the summer. They can't even get jobs in pubs at the moment. They don't need mansions in Chelsea. You could probably get someone English too and you could specify dog lover and get someone who can walk the dog too.

CarGirl · 20/02/2011 16:51

If you try and get someone and it doesn't work out you're in no worse situation than you are now! Hope it works out for you, I too admit that life would be really horrible without dh sharing the childcare and housework!

taokiddy · 20/02/2011 17:05

I'm in Kidderminster with 4 young DCs too. Split up with exP about a year and a half ago. Its so tough isn't it. I work 31 hrs but term time only which makes a huge difference. If you want to meet up for a coffee and a moan let me know and mayvbe we could see if i could help you out at all.

snowmama · 20/02/2011 17:19

Full time working, single mama here too.

I was just about to suggest an au pair as well. Someone lives with me on aupair rates and this allows me to get to work early and covers nursery/school pick ups and begining of bedtime hour and lots of other bits and bobs...

My (unaffordable) indulgence is a weekly cleaner but makes live a lot easier!

AnnieLobeseder · 20/02/2011 18:15

I have a good friend who sleeps on her sofa to make room for her au pair because that's the only spare space. She has 2 DDs and a 2-bed flat. But she wouldn't be able to work otherwise and has a well-paid, excellent job that she loves.

I guess it is possible to have a dog if you're a single parent, but it must be very difficult.

janetsplanet · 20/02/2011 18:45

when my ex left i had to get rid of the dogs. he didnt want them, I couldnt cope so he took them to a rescue centre the day he left. yes my kids cried and so did I, but it had to be done

mmsmum · 20/02/2011 21:38

Janet how do you know you couldn't cope if you never even tried? I don't want to sound harsh but there are far too many dogs in shelters and you didn't even give it a chance.

Original poster
KidderminsterKate · 21/02/2011 11:54

thanks for the support

thats a sad story Janet - I just couldnt do it to my kids or the dog or myself for that matter. Been enough loss with my husband bailing.

Tao - that would be lovely, now just need to find the time!

OP posts: