Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming at DH

68 replies

Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 12:53

DS is 5months old and DD is 4. I have been finding it tough recently looking after them both so DH promised me a nice weekend. His mum agreed to take both of them Saturday day + overnight and we pick them up on Sunday. Plan is to go thru to Edinburgh (1 hour + away) have lunch, shops etc and stay overnight in a hotel. He left early this morning to drop them off and is still not back because he "needed to do a couple of jobs for his mum". I am guessing this involves fixing her computer as it usually does, certainly not anything urgent that couldn't wait until tomorrow when he will be seeing her again when we pick up the DCs. This was supposed to be our precious time together and am I furious at him for doing this and at her for getting him to do the stuff in the first place. Even if he walks in right this second we're now not going to get to Edinburgh before 3.00. Had so been looking forward to this and now we are going to row because I'm going to flame his arse when he gets in. Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Kerrianne · 19/02/2011 13:00

No, not unreasonable really but perhaps he felt pressured in to it because she's looking after the kids?

Either way, try to avoid flaming him if you can. It would be a shame to spoil what could still be a great weekend.

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 13:01

Yanbu

I would have set off and enjoyed Edinburgh by myself.

HalfMumHalfBiscuit · 19/02/2011 13:02

Shame for you but at least you will have a weekend off together which is brilliant.

Not being unreasonable to be annoyed but he may have been chatting to his mum doing kid handover thing.

Our weekend away fell through due to lack of childcare . Envy

yankeelover · 19/02/2011 13:03

I agree with Kerrianne. I can understand why your pissed off but it will ruin the things you have planned if you start an arguement.

yankeelover · 19/02/2011 13:04

what time did he leave to get to his mums?

GreenEyesandHam · 19/02/2011 13:05

Don't sit there seething, use this time now for a long bath, pamper session- anything you don't normally get chance to do with the children around.

Forget about the shops and lunch, and gear up for a nice evening meal and night out and a long lie in.

I can see why you're frustrated, but it might have been a bit awkward for your DH to swan in with the kids and say 'here you go mum, see you tomorrow'

Original poster
Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 13:07

allowing for Saturday traffic, enough time to settle the kids in etc he must have spent almost two hours there. Still not back ..

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 19/02/2011 13:07

"Had so been looking forward to this and now we are going to row because I'm going to flame his arse when he gets in. Unreasonable?"

Well yes, if you think having an argument will ruin it and you are actively planning an argument then you're clearly being unreasonable.

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 13:08

Op says he left early morning.

I think he's really unfair tbh.

PaisleyLeaf · 19/02/2011 13:08

It's frustrating, but I don't think there's a lot of point fuming with your DH. He probably feels obliged because of the favour his mum is doing - couldn't really say 'no' could he?

Original poster
Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 13:10

I'm not planning an argument Mayor but this was important to me. Yes we could still go and have reduced time away but I'm upset and annoyed that some non urgent task for his mum (who knows I have been stressed recently) takes priority

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/02/2011 13:11

YANBU

forehead · 19/02/2011 13:12

Please don't get into an argument, it will deffo ruin the whole weekrnd. Just relax and greet your dh with a long kiss.

Original poster
Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 13:17

thank you ladies, you are clearly much nicer (and far more reasonable) people than I am!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 13:18

He could have said no and offered help tomorrow.

I would be livid tbh.

The weekend would already be ruined for me.

d0gFace · 19/02/2011 13:19

Have a nice time :)

FakePlasticTrees · 19/02/2011 13:20

I'd be livid too - sort of thing DH would do.

Have you called? Pointed out you were supposed to be in Edinburgh for lunch?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/02/2011 13:21

Exactly ENormaSnob (love the name btw Grin) he could have prioritised his wife and their time together and fixed what needed fixing tomorrow.

Original poster
Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 13:24

Yes I have called, he didn't reply but he
texted me so I know he hasn't had an accident and is laying in a ditch somewhere. The later he is the more wound up I am getting

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 19/02/2011 13:24

Fwiw I'd feel exactly the same lol

Sometimes we know people are doing us a favour, we know we'd rather have a DH who cares enough to do things for people rather than say no BUT it still pisses us off sometimes when we don't get it 'our way'. We're only human :)

I'd just be determined not to let it spoil the rest of the weekend.

But I'd probably bring it up over dinner later on......'I thought you were a right twat this afternoon. You twat' :o

Original poster
Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 13:26

I like it GreenEyes! I think its going to have to be a very nice dinner

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/02/2011 13:27

Tbh I'd be tempted to go by myself, shop, have lunch and book into a hotel with a good book.

Iklboo · 19/02/2011 13:29

He could be saying he's doing jobs for his mum as a cover for arranging something really nice for you

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 19/02/2011 13:35

What time were you meant to collect the kids, could you go later to make up for it? Don't get stressed do something relaxing as you are still 'on holiday'

kampakat · 19/02/2011 13:41

Monstermuncher - I have one just like that!
Soon after we moved into our new house we decided to spend the whole of sunday getting stuff sorted. He went up the road to where his van was parked to get a 'powertool'... and didn't come back for two and a half hours.
I had no idea where he was, he didn't have his phone and at that point we only had one key which he had so i didn't want to leave the house in caes i locked myself out.
When he eventually turned up I was beside myself, it transpired he had been to see a neighbour and got chatting....
I was the grumpiest cow for the rest of the day and he pretty much just let it go over his head - so I ended up making myself more miserable, and it having absolutely no effect on him!
It isn't a one off and I have learnt to live with it - he is lovely the rest of the time
BUt totally agree with Greeneyes...that particular messgae needs to be got across!!