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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fuming at DH

68 replies

Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 12:53

DS is 5months old and DD is 4. I have been finding it tough recently looking after them both so DH promised me a nice weekend. His mum agreed to take both of them Saturday day + overnight and we pick them up on Sunday. Plan is to go thru to Edinburgh (1 hour + away) have lunch, shops etc and stay overnight in a hotel. He left early this morning to drop them off and is still not back because he "needed to do a couple of jobs for his mum". I am guessing this involves fixing her computer as it usually does, certainly not anything urgent that couldn't wait until tomorrow when he will be seeing her again when we pick up the DCs. This was supposed to be our precious time together and am I furious at him for doing this and at her for getting him to do the stuff in the first place. Even if he walks in right this second we're now not going to get to Edinburgh before 3.00. Had so been looking forward to this and now we are going to row because I'm going to flame his arse when he gets in. Unreasonable?

OP posts:

ilythia · 19/02/2011 13:45

I would be using the time to pamper as someone else suggested, and then make him pay by taking me shopping tomorrow morning instead. Then go for lunch tomorrow as it was too late today as actually, his mum isn't watching the children until he leaves...

Don't get mad, just say 'ooh, how lovely, now we can have a lovely lie in and a long day together tomorrow and come back ^later'

If he doesn't get the hint, just refuse to get in the car tomorrow.

nomoreheels · 19/02/2011 14:02

I would be mad at your DH for not sticking to the plan & being a bit spineless - it's not like you have an extra day to get away. But I'd be even more cross with your MIL for asking for said chores/odd jobs to be done when he got there. What was she thinking? Surely they could wait.

If you're going to do a favour for someone, do it properly. Especially when it's a much needed break.

FakePlasticTrees · 19/02/2011 14:03

Has he turned up yet?

Cat98 · 19/02/2011 14:10

It sounds annoying, but honestly I have to disagree with the majority and say yab a bit u. Your mil is having your 2 kids overnight - that is pretty lucky imo, a few hours to help her out isn't going to negate the fact that she's doing you a huge favour. And your dh would have been in a hard position had he said no! I can see why you are annoyed but don't think he has done much wrong really, just enjoy the time you do have today and tomorrow. A lie in, wow!

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 14:14

Cat, he has shit all over their plans.

Unless it was an emergency any return favours could have been done tomorrow.

Andwellwasi · 19/02/2011 14:15

' My son came round today. I'm looking after his 4 year old and the baby, today and overnight and part of tomorrow. I asked him to do something to help me out and he did but it took longer than we thought, but as he's such a great son he didnt mind but my dil is fuming, she said she's going to flame his arse.

Was I being unreasonable?'

thefurryone · 19/02/2011 14:21

Sounds like he might be like my DH who is totally lovely and would do anything for anyone and quite often does, and whilst I totally admire and love him for this it can be a tad annoying and at times it can seem like I'm not top of his priority list, particularly when him doing this interupts our plans.

So I would say YANBU to be cross, but try and not let it ruin what is left of the day (easier said than done) because you deserve to have this time off and it would be a shame to totally ruin it.

Anyway hope he's back now and you're off having a lovely time.

LeQueen · 19/02/2011 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 14:23

Andwell, your son ibu

ladyfirenze · 19/02/2011 14:24

look, it sounds like you might be a bit ready for the break? so that means you may feel a little more cross and upset than usual. couple this with dh being held up, and you're ready to take the bastards head off as he walks through the door.

thing is, mil and dh may not be able to gauge how close to supernova you are feeling.

my advice is definately discuss this at a time when you're calmer. spending quality time rowing is the death knell of a relaitionship......

IslandMoose · 19/02/2011 14:33

I think I'm with Cat on this, tbh. You're still ahead of the dame whatever happens, so spoiling it with a grump (for both you and him) would seem a bit counter-productive.

IslandMoose · 19/02/2011 14:34

Sorry. "dame" = "game"

Alouiseg · 19/02/2011 14:40

You'll have to get your revenge at the hotel...just wait til he's right on the vinegar stroke, stop him and ask why he took so long this morning :o

Dont mention it beforehand and itll shock him into thinking in future.

nomoreheels · 19/02/2011 14:40

If my daughter ends up having kids & I'm a grandma/MIL, and if she asks me for a weekend of babysitting so she can get away for a desperately needed break with her SO, I wouldn't dream of asking for favours at drop off. Especially when they have a drive ahead of them & a few hours means no lunch or shopping for them. No way.

I'd ask for what I needed help with at another time. It's just pointless to offer the favour otherwise; nor would I expect them to be so grateful for the babysitting that they had to feel guilty about it.

Agree that you may as well make the most of what's left, but I'd still have calm but firm words about it at some point with your DP to avoid this happening again.

MummyAnnabella · 19/02/2011 14:43

Yes my dh would be another one who would and has done this to me too.

I would say nothing tonight but tomorrow say oh I have booked lunch at v lovely restaurant as we missed lunch yesterday. I would also pop in and out of a few shops on way to and from lunch and generally dilly dally.

Last time he did it we left 2 hours late to get to hotel and as it was pricey we planned to only eat in once and elsewhere the second. Alas as we were so late I needed to eat right away and we ended up eating in both nights as second was sat and other place just happened to ve all booked!!!

Inertia · 19/02/2011 14:44

Do shopping and lunch tomorrow instead ? YANBU, I would be pretty cross too ( unless the job is an emergency).

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 19/02/2011 14:54

I would guess that the poor chap has turned up and had an earful and they are now en route to Edinburgh.

The OP seemed to be actively planning on ruining their weekend, if you ask me

Doha · 19/02/2011 15:29

No the weekend was planned OP was looking forward to it.
DH is being a very inconsiderable twat, he could easily to his DM's chore at some other time, The point is precious time away is being eaten into. Shopping trips around lovely Edinburgh takes much much longer than 2 hours to do them justice.
I would be bloody furious like OP, this was a weekend off for her to relax and enjoy. It has been tainted by thoughlessness. Her husband is an inconsiderate twat and MIL PITA

StiffyByng · 19/02/2011 15:38

I reckon the OP was also exhausted and upset that something she's been banking on to cheer her up was being spoilt. Maybe also low blood sugar from missing lunch. Hopefully they'll make the most of the time they have. We are off for two days tomorrow while kids stay with relatives and I'd be really frustrated if we lost a big chunk of that for something non-essential.

It may also be that the work was urgent and now that's been explained, things are OK.

bupcakesandcunting · 19/02/2011 15:48

Be pissed off with MIL, she probably guilt-tripped him
into doing jobs the stupid auld bitch.

Nagoo · 19/02/2011 15:49

Mine would do this too. And I would struggle to resist the flaming.

YesPleaseDrChristian · 19/02/2011 15:57

Alouiseg what the hell is a vinegar stroke?

nomoreheels · 19/02/2011 16:06

Yesplease, it's when a man is just about to, ah, finsh! The point of no return as it were.

femalevictormeldrew · 19/02/2011 16:17

Did you get leaving yet? Enjoy {jnsert jealousy emoticon here)

NoSuchThingAsSociety · 19/02/2011 16:20

Doha, fair enough. But I read the same posts as you and I concluded that the OP was being bloody selfish.

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