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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming at DH

68 replies

Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 12:53

DS is 5months old and DD is 4. I have been finding it tough recently looking after them both so DH promised me a nice weekend. His mum agreed to take both of them Saturday day + overnight and we pick them up on Sunday. Plan is to go thru to Edinburgh (1 hour + away) have lunch, shops etc and stay overnight in a hotel. He left early this morning to drop them off and is still not back because he "needed to do a couple of jobs for his mum". I am guessing this involves fixing her computer as it usually does, certainly not anything urgent that couldn't wait until tomorrow when he will be seeing her again when we pick up the DCs. This was supposed to be our precious time together and am I furious at him for doing this and at her for getting him to do the stuff in the first place. Even if he walks in right this second we're now not going to get to Edinburgh before 3.00. Had so been looking forward to this and now we are going to row because I'm going to flame his arse when he gets in. Unreasonable?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2011 16:23

I bet if it hadn't been a weekend awauy with his wife, if it had been, say, a stag night, both the DH and his mum would have been more diligent at making sure he kept to the times and plans he had previously agreed

thumbwitch · 19/02/2011 16:24

Nope, YANBU. I hope he has turned up now and taken you away and was full of apologies.

But - my DH would have done precisely the same without a thought because he has no concept of time prioritising, or that other people might be waiting, or that in fact that little job could easily have waited until tomorrow. It is thoughtless bordering on selfishness, depending on what he's doing and who for. In my DH's case, quite often I will ask him for help and he'll say "just wait up" and go and do something completely trivial and irrelevant rather than help me immediately - I swear he does it sometimes just to annoy me (which it does).

medicalmayhem · 19/02/2011 16:25

IMO these weekends are often long overdue and much looked forward too, and so the smallest of setbacks can escalate into a real upset, in the normal run of things if DC went to MIL to do a job for her and took the kids and ended up being gone some time the OP would prob be grateful for a few hours on her own, but because she had been looking forward to doing something else it has become a bigger problem then normal, i can relate to this completely having been(not anymore) married for 17 years to a man who would pop to supermarket for loaf of bread and Sunday paper and be gone for hours, chatting to (and being nosey)loads of people he didn't see all week when he was at work! hope you get some quality time together and can enjoy whats left of your weekend!

StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2011 16:26

My DH used to be the same...still is to some extent but he's gettng btter.
PILs do encourage this (ask him to come over after work to fix the computer) but in this situation they would be kicking him out of the door to make the most of our trip away.

rightpissedoff · 19/02/2011 16:28

I compltely blame your mil.

rightpissedoff · 19/02/2011 16:29

op not being selfish at all

she is just not featuring as important in any way

LoveBeingAKnockedUp · 19/02/2011 16:31

Hoping op is now enjoying her weekend away and not still arguing with her dh in the living room at home.

Original poster
Monstermuncher · 19/02/2011 16:56

Well ladies he eventually turned up. I resisted the temptation to whack him with a rolling pin whilst screeching "what time do you call this?" however my cats bum mouth did the trick. He agrees that he is totally in the wrong and will 'make this up to me'. We had to change our plans totally but at least we will have the evening to ourselves (plus hopefully a lie-in tomorrow). And MIL's comuter is now working a treat (grrr). I appreciate your support.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/02/2011 16:57

phew
enjoy what is left ofthe weekend :)

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/02/2011 17:22

The OP is not being selfish.

OP he better had make this up to you, don't let him forget it until he does.

Andwellwasi · 19/02/2011 17:52

Annan who is nice to his mum...what a bastard.

Andwellwasi · 19/02/2011 17:57

Annan? A man

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/02/2011 18:17

A man who is prioritising the fixing of a computer over spending some time with his wife after promising her a nice weekend, where she could recharge her batteries. Is it only me who thinks keeping a promise is important? Hmm

ENormaSnob · 19/02/2011 18:27

The fucking computer could have waited until
tomorrow.

I would have completely seen my arse over this.

trixie123 · 19/02/2011 18:33

as you posted at gone 4 did you actually get to Edinburgh? I agree with those who say if your MIL has offered she should do it with good grace and even if her son offered to fix the PC she should have shooed him out the door. Hope you had / have a lovely evening and lunch tomorrow before picking up your DCs.

pearlym · 19/02/2011 18:49

Right apin, just kind of thing my DH would do,and it would make me feel he is putting our relationship and me last, behind everyone else, but he is prob doing it cos he is nice and his mum is helping you out, also men do not seems to be on the smae time clocks as us, he will think, OK, it's 3 o.clock, lets go, not oh it s 3 o'clock, we have wasted half the time, plus he will avoid shopping! Try not to bollock him now, enjoy resto f it but tell him in week or so how you felt

thumbwitch · 19/02/2011 21:40

Chaoticangel - no, definitely not only you!

It looks as though the OP didn't get to Edinburgh after all but stayed in her hometown - I really hope he does make it up to you! Shockingly bad of him.

AS for "a man who is nice to his mum" - pah! He could have easily been nice to his mum (fixed her computer) tomorrow AND kept his promise to his wife so your point is specious at best.

oldraver · 19/02/2011 22:45

Oh so the DH gets home in time for them to have the 'evening to themselves and a lie in' but op misses out on shopping and lunch Hmm

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